My Love Life @ MindSay

I've been in love all my life, never playing a fool with my heart. But everyone who has entered my life, would soon leave after we've met. Even though I've been devoting myself, in the end it's still heart-breaking every time. So hurt that I'm getting used to it, but still I don't like being alone. As if the heaven above is just playing around with me. Have me encountered all but pain and sorrow. To that extent of not even knowing how real love looks like.And I still haven't met anyone who's loved me sincerely. Will there be anyone appearing to change my life? And who is that someone? Who would love me sincerely, and not forsaking me later? I would like to know. Will there be a heart that I'll come to meet? I would like to know whom you would be. The one who would really end up as my ultimate love. I would like to meet someone who's understanding. She doesn't have to be perfect or so good. There might be fights or arguments, but she won't be leaving me after that. I would like to meet a heart so compatible, that we may stay together forever. Not just someone who would simply approach me, crying out all her grievances into my heart. I don't know when I'll meet that someone, I can only keep on waiting and asking(praying) for the answer from no one but the heaven above.

 

Kitty

Isn't your 21st birthday be something you're looking forward to? A mile marker from adolescence to manhood? An event in your life that marks the next chapter of your life? However, all I can think about is Candace. I finally realize the difference between crushes, puppy love, and the real thing, and after all this time for having these feelings for so long they have only grown stronger, and no matter what she can never make me mad, but she can break my heart and she has, but I still feel the same way about her. I'm really feelin Candace a whole lot, and I can honestly say that after 2 years...I'm in love with her. That's right I said it I am in love with Candace, and for the first time in my entire life I know it's love...I know what I feel in my heart is true, but...my 21st birthday marks the end...Candace is suppose to leave for colorado in august, and all I can do is try my hardest to convince her to stay. they say that there really isn't anything exciting that happens after you turn 21 and I'm starting to think that they're right, without Candace my life has no meaning, no purpose, no drive...My 21st Birthday is 3 months away, and all I am doing is dreading it with each passing day. There is nobody for me but her, and I don't want to get over her. No other fish I wanna swim with, no other party I wanna go to. My heart belongs to Candi, I love her with all my heart and soul, and it's time to prove it to her.

I have been really down for the past 8 weeks.  My relationship with my girlfriend of 7 years has ended.  I have had the understanding that this was my soulmate.  My one TRUE love.  The person that I was going to spend eternity with.  Or was it? Or does fate have another trick up her sleeve?  I have said, previously, that we do not get the choice to set True Love free and see if it returns.  That this choice is made by the other person.  That we, some how, force this choice to be made for us.  Could I have been wrong?  As I look back, pondering over my life's journey so far, doubtful of the future and losing hope, something happened.  Should I say that someone happened;  again.  I have often thought, as all of us have, about the one that got away.  I always assumed that it was never meant to be.  The love that never was, was just that; never was.  But does that mean that it can never be.  Or did it happen in a way that I was unaware of?  Did I really have true love?  Had I loved someone so deeply that I didn't even know that I was?  Had I actually loved and then set love free?  Could I have made this choice and never actually have know it? 

 

I had a person in my life that I had loved from the moment that I met her.  I felt a connection to her that I could never explain.  This connection was so strong that it is, only now, that I have come to question WHY?  Why this person?  What was it?  What was my soul feeling that my heart and mind could not comprehend?  Why was is it that I never acted on these feelings some ten or so years ago?   Or did I act on them in every way that I should have, at the time?  Was my soul on autopilot?  Did it decide for me that it was going to let my mind and my heart sit this play out?  Did I do all right things without even knowing it? 

 

Did I tell her how I felt then; of course, I think?  But did I know how I really felt?  Maybe.  My soul did but it didn't tell the rest of me.  Not until resently.  Unless, maybe, it has been telling me, slowly, over the years, that it had acted with out me.  Slowly breaking the news to my heart and mind that it had loved without them.  What was I feeling so strongly about?  Did I have to have her?  Not in the jelous way that most men feel about women.   She was already there.  She was already in my life.  In fact, lookin back, I dont think that we ever kissed, ever acted on those feelings in anyway.  I was never jelous when she picked another man over me.  Why is that?  Why didn't I ever take her, in a way only found in romance novels, and tell her that I loved her?  I have thought about this often over the years.  The one feeling that has never come over me, in all that time, was regret.  Why, then, if I love this person so much, do I not regret keeping these feelings to myself?  I have never been afraid of losing her.  That feeling was never part of the equation.

 

To explain my feelings I must, first, tell you some of my beliefs.  I dont have a traditional view of religion.  I dont believe in religion.  What I do believe in is the fact that there are forces in this universe that we have yet to discover.  There are forces that we know of now that we can't explain.  I believe that existence was a choice.  You have to consider that there was either everything or nothing and that a choice was made in this regard.  The greatest gift that man has ever been given was the gift of choice.  Life is all about choice.  The Bible says that Man was created in Gods own image.  I believe that but that is as far as I go with the Bible.  I also believe that all things in the universe are connected.  That everything has a positive and negitive.  An up and down.  An Eb and Flow.  I believe that all souls are paired.  This pair was created at the dawn of existence.  At the time the first choice was ever made.  The first choice we made was our other.  That choice has never changed.  We can not change the choices that we make.  We can only make new choices.  I believe that we are paired to this other forever.  In ever form in every way.  Everything that we do has some effect on that other force.  I also believe that we choose our paths.  That life is a lesson.  We make the choice of what lessons to learn and in what order to learn them.  But we must walk every path, learn every lesson.  This is what, I believe, the Bible ment by "God created man in his own image".  This is the only way to gain the knowledge that God already has.  He was the first to walk ever path.   I also believe that the only way to make sure that we learn the lesson that we set out to learn is to be born with no memory of the choice that was made and to live life with the fear of death; no knowledge of the real truth.  The fear that this is the only chance we ever have.  This is the only way to make sure that we live this life for this life.  Learn the lesson to be learned.  I believe that our other is always a part of our life.  In some way they are always there.  We always find them.  There is always balance in the universe.  Always.  This brings me back to my thought.

 

Have I found my other?  Have I found my soulmate?  The force that I have been bonded to from the very begining?   Has fate brought back the love that my soul set free?  I hope so.  I believe that it may have.  The only question that I have now is what is the role that that person is supposed to play in my life?  In this lesson.  At this point I dont know.  I know what role I would like that person to play.  But I cant be selfish.  What ever the role Im just glad that she is back in my life.  I dont have the time to be selfish anymore.  It hurts too much.  It causes too much pain.  Ive fucked up a lot in my life and Ive done a lot of things that Im not proud of but I will not fuck this up.  I love her too much for that.  The only thing that I can do at this point is take life as it comes and let fate guide me as it has.  All things have a purpose.  This life has some kind of lesson and its my job to learn it.  Im excited about the future.  It, again, looks bright.  Im finding happiness; happines that Im making for my self.  This is the most important thing in life.   Our own happiness.  What we make for our selves.  Life has been a strange journey so far and Im excited about the future.  I dont know what it may hold.  I dont know if my love will be my love or not.  That is not what's important.  What is important is that I know how I feel and understand what that means.  Its all part of the lesson of life.  Either way,  life has been good to me so far.  I've had a glimpse at the truth.  A hint of what its really all about.  Now its time to go forward.  Find the next path and walk it. 

 

I love to share life with those I love.  I have shared my life with some great people and im sure that there are more great people on the way.  I can no longer live my life for others only for myself and only then can I share it with someone else.  Im going to go on living.  Go on loving.  Go on seeking out the adventure that is LIFE. 

 

What will come of all this?  I dont know.  What I do know is what it has all ment to me.  Who I've become because of the choices that I've made.  They define a part of who we are.  Of who I am. 

 

My last thought:  keep on living.  You never know what great things are going to come of it.

 

I would love to hear anyone's thoughts.  Your oppinions are very much welcome.

 

Greg.

this is all soo wierd, my dad and i talked and now i think we have like an amazing bond, god i love my daddy!! lol,  and all of the stuff that is going on in my life, im jsut like, fuck it, its life, its not supposed to be easy right?

 

love to all, Hannah

< 3

what happens now? I mean me and Chris were together for 5 months. I was completely in love with him and ready to spend the rest of my life with him. Well we got into a huge fight today. He started yelling at me becuase of shit going on with his mom. I sat there and listened to what he was saying. Well then I asked him if I could do anything to help and he turned around and told I had no fucking clue what he was going through. I mean that truely hurt to know he feels that there is no way for me to feel what he is feeling. I told him that I love him and that I'm here if he needs me and that it's tearing me up inside that he is feeling that way. He told me that not to get to attached to him in that case. I asked him what he meant and he told me to just ignore it. I told him I was worried and he doesn't seems to understand that. Well he told me that one day he will no longer be with me and that freaked me out. I asked him if the meant that we're through. He said no we're not and that one day he will die. I told him not to say that unless he was planning on dieing soon. He was quiet so I'm getting really REALLY upset because of this. I asked him he was and he said I dunno. He then told me he has nothing to live for. What really hurt was after that he told me he has no reason to live. I'm like not only would I be devistated but so would his friends. He told his furture and his past are so similar that theres no point in it. It's like he doesn't even care about me anymore. It was at that point he dumped me. Well I'll be checking on monday with him to see if we're together or not. It hurts that he's doing this. I'm worried about him and it's like I'm just a bother to him. I turely loved him and still do. I don't want to lose him.