Mute @ MindSay

Ok, so I just found out that Matchbox 20 is having a concert on Feb. 4th in the Xcel Center with guest artists Alanis Morissette and Mute Math!!!! (No idea who MuteMath is....) WOOOO!! I'm soooo excited and am totally going to that concert if it kills me!

OK, this is too silly.

Rocky brings home this Bush action figure in full flight suit, and the box is showing all the pictures of his aircraft carrier landing and the banner proclaiming Mission Accomplished!!  The figure is supposed to talk and say "mission accomplished" except it is broken and cannot talk (kinda like the real one). The figure was made in China.

So Rocky says, "why don't you hang it from your Dad's aircraft carrier bell, the White Plains, that was presented to him....since he flew off off that carrier during WW2?" Only fitting, since he was a fighter pilot in the pacific theatre.

So, there Bush swings............for all to see.

Why do we blog? Is it for attention, is it because of loneliness - we have nobody else to talk to? Is it to find like-minded people, to find more friends? Is it out of boredom? Is it for support? For help? Opinions?  Is it simply to connect?

Why do I blog? I think it's to connect to like-minded people and I'm interested to know others' opinions and support on certain issues and problems.  It's also for my friends and family to keep up to date with what I've been up to.  And I must admit, I love getting comments! I love to see lots of jesters amusing me!

I think it's a need to write - and sometimes a very poor substitute for my novel.  Characters knock on mind's door but I don't have the energy or motivation to let them in and tell their stories.

Sometimes I blog because I can't speak.  These days I feel so mute.  My husband worries and keeps on asking me what's wrong but I can only stare at him like a block of stone.  I'm too scared to admit there's something very very wrong.  I don't have the courage to let it out and so it does its damage inside and tears at my heart.

I can write more than I speak but even that's limited.  I don't know what to say, or really, how to say it.  I get the blog block.  I think: people will get bored with this...this is too depressing...this is too tedious...But most of all I worry...What will people think of me?  and so I don't write at all and sit in stunned silence.  Trapped.

I've never been a splurger.  There are people on Mindsay that will write just about anything or everything they have done for that day.  Any random thought that pops into their head.  I am much restrained.  When I write fiction (and I think I'm a helluva lot better at writing it than non-fiction) it's like squeezing blood from a stone.  It takes a lot of hard work mainly because I'm a perfectionist.  Every line has to be a gem.  Those words are stuck in my head ever since my teacher, Ray told us.

Every line I write is painstakingly typed out.

No doubt it will be lost in the huge Mindsay world of blogging.  Other entries will take over making it yesterday's news.  Over.  It will be pushed further and further down the page and added to my index.

But everything stays here.

Locked within me.