Mutant @ MindSay 
turtles
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061215/ap_on_sc/cloned_cat_s_kittens
N: Hey, we disappeared for the weekend, ‘cos we’re lazy and can’t be fucked to work on a weekend. And we almost forgot to do it today again too, ‘cos we got drunk instead and watched random shit. But then I stepped on a slug and it reminded me of you worthless pustulent puddles of puss, so we legged it up to the computer room to find another mutant before the day was out.
L: My eyes!
L: courtnee
L: Christ, this page has given me a headache already
N: ARGH!
N: So. Many. Dots.
N: No. Punctuation. Brain. Dying. THE COLOURS, THE ENDLESS BRAIN MELTING COLOURS!
L: Help! The mutant swirly bubbly blue Burberry pattern is coming to get me!
N: Whoa. Dude. If you look at it in the right light, it makes me feel like I'm on acid.
L: Could be. But without the vague felling of enlightenment.
N: Yeah. Empty Acid.
L: Have I mentioned that I really hate this computer?
L: Especially the keyboard.
N: Has it eaten your babies?
L: Yes. It stole my unborn manbabies and tore them to pieces.
N: Grim man. And not in a frostbitten way.
N: I say we throw it out the window and stamp on it lots.
L: Wouldn't waste that time on it.
L: Anyway, the site.
N: Oh fair enough. Oh yeah, forgot. I was trying to blank the mutant from my delicate (hah) mind.
L: Know the feeling, but we must suffer for our art. When I say art, I am thinking more along the lines of Francis Bacon.
N: Mmm, bacon... What the hell does IDK mean anyway? I Drown Kittens?
L: I don't know. Could mean anything.
N: Oh wait. She's 13, that explains a lot.
L: I really love the writing style. It's like she has an incredibly short attention span, and whenever she gets distracted by anything two dots appear as a reflex action.
N: Could be. Or it could be those damn colonial schools failing to teach them English again.
L: Now that's not nice. They learn special English over there. That they learn in special schools. For special people.
N: Oh yeah, with the chimpanzees they're trying to get to rewrite the full works of Shakespeare.
L: She isn't even good at school either! She got sent the office!!! For talking!!! Do you think she pronounces the dots if she can't type them?
N: Hahah! Didn't see that bit. You'd think if they didn't want them to be able to talk they'd tear their tongues out or something. I want a trained chimp... Maybe I'll buy myself an American next payday.
N: Hang on, how do you pronounce a dot?
L: Like this: '.'
N: Clever, I see what y'did there. But I think you need a little inflection on the end. Like this: '.'.
N: Damnit, this keyboard doesn't have the floating full-stops like mine does.
L: That's only because the key on yours is loose.
N: Hmm. Alt doesn't seem to have *any* function on this keyboard. I hate having to use stupid university computers. I want my own internet back
L: "i changed my background!
yay! does everyone like itt? "
Goodness yes, we love it! It brings us so much bliss whenever we see it that our brains explode!
N: Hey, I wonder what'll happen if I turn the brightness of my monitor up? Will I reach a new plane of enlightenment and understanding? Or will my monitor explode?
N: OH GODS MY EYES!
L: pwn4d
L: But you knew what would happen. You only did it to prove what a masochist you are. Mutants: Norse is a very silly man and you should not follow his example.
N: I can't help it. The cleansing pain feels so good. It’s the mutants. They drive me to it. I see another fricking emo mutant and it makes me want to hurt. Well, specifically it makes me want to break them with my face. But whatever, close enough.
N: Not that this girls mindsay is *that* bad. There are redeeming features. Like the distinct lack of poetry. And the fact that the background is so mind-devouringly painful that it’s very easy to ignore the text unless you're really looking for it.
L: Which we are. What were those redeeming features again?
N: Umm. I forget. Oh yeah, she isn't emo! And she’s 13, so we can forgive a lot of things. Except the background. And the dots. And… umm… Whatever. She is a damn yankee though. Which is almost as bad. But at least she isn't French. Or Spanish. Or Italian. Or Mexican. Or Scottish. Or Welsh. Or fucking English. I hate them all. Bastards.
N: Or Cornish for that matter. Bunch of inbred shitsocks.
N: And don't get me started on the Channel Islands...
N: Mutants.
L: Christ no. The residents of those places makes the average mindsay user look like a sane, beautiful and eloquent individual.
N: Especially Jersey. All the worst parts of France, combined with all the worst parts of England.
L: You may well have noticed, mutants, that we have on many occasion in this post have completely ignored the actual blog. ‘Cos we really can’t bear to look at it.
N: For all we know or care, the person in this blog might be sane and normal. And decidedly not a mutant. On the other, no sane person would ever even begin to think about possibly starting to consider using that painful, painful background.
L: Sane? Normal? They have a fucking blog.
N: Point. Set. Match. Blog = Mutant. Yes, I see the irony. If anyone points it out again I'm going to tear off their nether regions and flush it down the bog.
N: You know, looking at this site through the wonder of nicotine, the colours make my head spin. I think I’m going to fuck off now.
Goodnight mutants, everywhere.
Norse
PS: To any French mutants out there, hah! 1-1 against Korea. That'll teach you not to be French.
(And 5 points total in Eurovision)
The banner image is quite telling as well - I've never seen someone use an entirely blank image that takes up about a screens worth of space to head a page. Not to shit on your webdesign skills, but sometimes if you present people with an entirely blank screen, they might not think there's any content there. Oh, wait...
This guy is so emo it hurts.
N: I wonder if he'd die if we cut off his fringe? Or would he just cry a lot.
L: How did you know he had a fringe? No, silly question, sorry.
N: Apparently, he "Hunts The Ellusive Mayfly called Love".
L: What?
N: I have some advice for him. Stop being so damned moody, your blog makes me depressed just looking at it. Light up a little and maybe, just maybe, someone will like you and not want to send you on your merry way to the afterlife.
N: Just looking at this thing makes me want to slit my wrists with the nearest object. Luckily my all-consuming hatred for you mutants makes me want to stay alive just to spite you all.
L: I'm still intrigued as to how you compare love to a mayfly. It's small, spindly, brown and you see lots of them in the autumn.
N: Sounds like Mutant Love (tm) to me.
L: "I am so emo, women no longer arouse me. I want hot insect love now."
N: "Gimme some of that hawt bug lovin'."
N: Remember kiddies, always use a condom. Even on bugs.
L: "Ooh, those long legs and sexy wings, how can I refuse?"
N: "I just want to stare longingly into your eyes. All 6 million of them."
N: Hey, if you aimed wrong, wouldn't you drown the bug?
L: It would be heartbreak. On the bright side though, the mayfly is certainly having a worse day.
N: Thats for sure. Message for all you mayfly out there, avoid any depressed looking sod with a fringe.
L: I'm still fascinated by the banner. I just turned up the brightness even more, and I think I saw some text!
N: Oh wait. I think I can make out some bluey-purple crap at the top. No writing though.
L: It's like a magic eye picture, although instead of seeing a cool picture you lose the will to live!
N: Hah! I can feel myself rotting whilst staring at this thing. D'you think its meant to be some deep statement about the hidden depths of his soul or some other crap?
L: I don't know, but I have my magical image pixies currently working on making something out from it.
N: Heh, same here.
L: Ooh, I see it! It says "Hello there." Somehow, that's even more depressing than the alternative.
N: Oh no, I Edge Detected it. It seems to be a picture of a dark angely thingummy with the legend "Hello There The Angel From My Nightmare".
N: It feels like a substantial part of my life has been wasted trying to figure this one out.
L: Just as well it's so dark most people can't actually see anything then.
N: Please, whatever your name is, if you're reading this, please tell us why you bothered with this? Did you think it was arty or something? Arty is Elim Klimov's Come and See. This is... I don't know what it is. Mutant Art (tm).
N: If its so dark that noone can figure out what the bloody hell you've put there, whats the point? You just leave this irritating screen sized apparently blank bit at the top which makes people think that the site hasn't loaded properly. Until they scroll down and discover the unbridled joy that is your mutant blog thing.
L: Oh yes! The text! And what a delight that is.
N: Oh dear.
L: I notice that he hasn't quite worked out how to add titles to the posts yet.
N: Even the text is nearly unreadable. Mind you, on this occasion I think this might be a good thing.
L: "I'll keep you my Dirty Little secret" Wait a second - I recognise this. It is song lyrics of the shitty teenypop variety.
L: You know, I think we may well have found Plato's Form of the Emo. The emo that represents every distinguishing characteristic of the entire group. This is Meta-Emo.
N: Oh dear oh dear. Not only is he Emo. He appears to be an emo god-botherer.
L: Well, I wouldn't really hold that against him. I mean lots of nice people have been god botherers. Like Torquemada.
At this point we have to leave you, because I think you've made Norse cry. Yes, you. That, or he has been infected by the misery streaming from this page. Either way, he's had to go for a little lay down.
Hello freaks, and welcome to Mutant of the Day. From now on, we will be trawling this worthless waste of time to find the mutants that infest it and posting them up here for your pleasure and enjoyment. And so you know who to avoid.
Oh, and before you say anything, we aren't bigots, we hate you all equally, you ugly mutant piles of cow-pat. If you are bothering to read this, it only proves that your lives are as empty and pointless as our own, and you deserve all you get.
So, without further ado, lets begin the freakshow.
Needy Mutant of the Day number 1!
http://awelltrainedboy.mindsay.com/
Who appears to have never posted anything on his blog thing, but I found his messages on some random girls blog whilst performing the mutant crawl.
http://www.mindsay.com/comments/seperia/resentment.mws <= The Conversation.
Not only does he type in an irritating manner, he was also painfully blatantly trying to get into the girls pants, even though she was obviously taken. AND NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE MAGIC HANDS! What a mutant.
"I am VARY safe and I have a brain."
You might have a brain, but I wouldn't trust you within 2 miles of this girl, you with your mutant hands of magic.
Oh yeah, and to the girl in question: BLOKES LOOK AT PORN! Its what we do. Live with it. Its not evil. Its perfectly bleeding natural. And its not like the woman is forced into being in porn. Well, unless she is. But most everywhere has laws against that kind of thing. Not that I can be bothered to remember what her tag was, or that she'll ever read this.
Whatever. I'll look for another one tomorrow. Bet you can't wait.
L:
One's unbelievably ignorant, the other's intensely annoying. They deserve each other if only for the fact that they can't recognise these traits. Then, once they're together, it'll be less work to track them down and bathe them in the cleansing fluid from the petrol can of purity. Add the holy matches to the mix and bask in the feeling of a good job well done.
Also: MAKE WAY HORMONS COMING!!
Hahahahahah, classic.
N:
Is that like a Mormon only worse? Reminds me, need to renew my mormon shooting license. Gods, I wish this dude had a picture on his blog. So I could print it out and use it as toilet paper. Then maybe I'd drop it out the window onto a passing child.
I tell you, its really difficult to choose which mutant to put on this thing. You're all a bunch of berks. Oh well. Mercifully this bloke doesn't post anything on his blog so we don't have to put up with even more crap poetry or something.
L:
Oh, I don't know, his 'dsylexick' rambling could lead to some emo poetry classics:
The Pian
Oh the pian of ex-his-ting.
Your lips were like bew-tif-full rosis
But now you have deprted for
a Palce VARY far away
from me.
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