Mum @ MindSay

I'm so bad at keeping up on here... sort of. But I've had so freaking much on my mind I need to get it all down. So this entry most likely won't be structured... e_e

 

It's so hot over here. We've already hit 112. And it sucks. Summer school gets out on Thursday. Woot... When I'm with dad I go uptown after school till he gets off work; when I'm with mum the manfriend picks me up. I like going uptown with my friends though. Except I tend to do things I'm trying not to... Damn temptation.

 

I love all my friends, distant and near. I love Zach and Ray and Lauren and Ryan and B... and all the aquaintances, too. I realise I'm more comfortable around the boys than the girls. Most of my closer friends are guys. I've always been like that. I feel like I fit in better with them. That reminds me... who wants to have the cool neighbour that lives two houses down and you can always drop by at one in the morning to watch a movie or just chill? Who the hell doesn't want that? I know I do!

 

I have problems. Who doesn't? My problems, however, are internal conflicts. I don't want to become my mum. I talked to B about this... and I believe Dave as well. Mum's a liar, cheater, thief... I don't wanna be that. But I can already see myself shaping into those things, and it's like slowly drowning, and there's only a minute chance I can get to the surface. People always tell us, "You definitely look like your mother." I used to like that, but now... I just don't say anything.

 

Oh yeah, the divorce. This past week she told me she's done trying to fight for me. Her life is "going too well and doesn't need the bullshit". Um, hellooo? Who was the cheating whore? Who wanted out? And now she doesn't need the bullshit because things are going too well for her? Fuck that shit. And then you ask, "Well, what about you?" Yeah, what about me? What am I to her now? An inconvienence? Spare me, I've always been that to her. It's no surprise. She never takes responsibility, she's proved that time and time again. Don't get me wrong, some part of me loves her, she's not all bad... or am I just using her to get what I want? Nah, I still do what she asks of me. It's not like I'm some fucking freeloader. Anyway, I'm happy enough that she doesn't want me, there's enough people out there who do, enough people to fill that void.

 

Another thing: I'm so glad she can't have anymore kids. Am I completely selfish for saying so? I asked her, I said, "Hey mum, if you still could, would you have another kid?" *Furious head-nodding* "You better believe it! I want to give Beto [manfriend] a boy so badly." Bleeeech. She's 48, she doesn't need to have another kid. What, does she just wanna start fresh with another kid? Have the "picture perfect" family? Did I not turn out how she wanted so she just wants to toss me aside and start anew? Am I meat? Am I seen as a walking T-bone? What the fuck! Anyway, I grin widly everytime I realise I won't ever see her with a maturnity bump. I'd feel sorry for the poor kid who turned out to be her kid. Oh, wait... that's me! Fuck!

 

I'm tired, literally. I've been going all day on only three hours. Each period in summer school is 2 1/2 hours. In first period I stayed awake only long enough to take the benchmark. Then I passed out. All we did was watch a movie anyway. My seat is RIGHT THERE in front of the speakers. I don't even know how I manage to get shut-eye with them there but it's actually quite easy.

 

I'm striving to become a real pro at English. I enjoy learning about it all, and I'm just a real stickler on it (in case any of you couldn't already tell).

 

An excerpt from an earlier conversation:

So lets see... as far as the sex goes... I kind of said that I wouldn't wait for marriage... and I probably won't... but I'm not just gonna have sex with someone because I like them or anything... and even if I do have sex with someone I don't later marry, I... I just don't want my first time to ever be a regret, because I hold that high. And honesty... if you're with a liar it just won't work. Honesty is the foundation of any relationship, and if you don't have it it's going to crumble. So I make it a point to not lie to my beloved, because, for one, I know how it feels to be lied to, and it hurts so badly I would never want to hurt my love like that... and even seeing my own parents... firsthand sight there. Mum's the liar, and it ultimately has led to this god-forsaken divorce.

Yeah, there was really no point to that... I just went on a bit of a tangent, except that's what we were talking about... so I guess it wasn't a tangent. 0_x Oh well, still a tidbit of my mind.

 

I'll try just about anything once. I tried wasabi for the first time on a tuna type sushi thingy. Apparently I also put on too much. But I popped it in... IT WAS HORRIBLY TERRIBLE!!! It burned and tasted like putrid feet stench!!! I can safely say I hate wasabi!

 

I will become a pro at German, you just watch. When I'm 18 I'm going to NC, you just watch. Just watch...

 

It's funny when someone's "subtly" flirting with you, yet it's frustrating when you can't just come out and tell someone you like them.

 

My philosophy is that God is the almighty smiteful smity smiting smiter, or whoever the hell is up there pissing on us.

 

I am a sarcastic little shit. Acknowledge that. Also, I frequently change my profile info, and occasionally my wiki.

 

There is a very good chance Tahoe's still happening. Although I'm still very excited, I'm not as excited as I would've originally been... Hmm, wonder why? e_e

 

Guys cheat. That's a fact. I want one who doesn't. Am I asking too much?

 

My PhotoBucket ID is Shotzie831. Feel free to browse my album. I have some of my art there, too. =)

 

I was recently in a situation where he was trying to persuade me, and he said, "C'mon, just a little bit?" JUST A LITTLE BIT??? You either stick it in or you don't!! There is no in between!! God, he must think I'm stupid or something! Bitch.

 

People visit my blog regularly. I greatly appreciate it, and always get back to everyone. But I feel bad that I myself don't go to too many blogs, just the ones that really catch my eye. I think I should make it a point to visit more often. I'll try hard to do so.

 

There are sooooo many songs out there that I want!! it's rediculous! I really like being turned on to new stuff, too. I have to thank a few people for helping me. =)

 

I've often wished I had a bounce house in my backyard, along with a pool... and a Taco Bell at my bedroom window. But that's just my wild imagination for you.

 

I think I'll go to bed now...

For the summer I am to spend a week at a time with each parent. I just finished my first full week with mum on Monday (which is the longest I've been with her in almost a year. Sad, huh?). It was alright. I did get sweet-ass rainboots out of it. :D But, to sum up the majority of my week, I mostly cleaned, watched Degrassi, steal time to text on her phone, and clean some more. On top of that, my barren room is an oven and I didn't have all the neccessary stuff I needed that I had packed. Hopefully my second time will be better.

Nothing's been happening lately so i haven't been blogging much. However yesterday my mum really pissed me off. For those of you who don't know my mum Is a jehova's witness and i used to be one until i quit. Because of that there is still a bit of animosity about it. Yesterday my mum told me that my 'bad assosiations' with my friends are making me a bad person and so i can only see them twice a week. what she dosen't seem to understand is that it is me who is the bad association. she also made me get rid of all my 18 rated films and game. Her reason was "They allow demons into the house and cause me to have nightmares". Note the quote marks, i'm convinced she has gone insane. That's what religion does to you. Another thing she said i need to be in bed by 11pm every night apart from weekends when i could be in bed by 1. No chance woman.

 

In other news we had a small earthquake on wedensday morning at about half past midnight. i was up anyway it was quite cool

 

Anyway,

 

"When the rich wage war, it's the poor that die"

To you Mum.

Wow, it's been a fucking long time since I've been here. I'm acting manager in the Civic Darrell Lea now, and suddenly it's all making sense as to why all the managers cry all the damn time. It's a load of crap for the amount of money you get. Which is 15.60 an hour, no overtime, no benefits. Hence "acting manager". Once my stupid area manager gets off his arse and hires someone, I'll go back to being 2IC. Which is only 60 cents less per hour for half the responsibility. Score.

So as you can doubtlessly tell, work is still my whole life. Especially now that I'm working full time. There's no escape.

I'm thinking of maybe moving to Sydney within the next month or two with the money I get from my tax return. Maybe. Either way, I'm thinking I'm gonna quit my job and take a week or two off. Y'know, to sit around and paint and watch Nip/Tuck. And other stuff.

Uhm... what else. Still no love life to speak of. I've been screwed around, and I've done some screwing around - in more than one sense of the word. Because I'm just a big ol' slut that way.

Georgia is a big kitty now. Ferrets are pointy. Housemates are weird and funny and occassionally annoying.

Uhm.

That's all for now.