Msn @ MindSay

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I fucking hate half term breaks. They're so boring.
I love the fact I'm off college - because I despise it so - but I usually find myself sitting around wasting my time.

For lunch, I ate chicken flavour noodles and a bag of meatballs. I made noodles and meatball sandwiches with them - and they were ever so fucking lush. It's one thing I'm doing again in the near future with the other bag of meatballs.

I've spent a lot of the day downloading music - I was off on a massive downloading fit. I was mainly getting all the songs from the Guitar Hero: World Tour setlist, but was also downloading the rest of Rammstein's new album. I'm yet to listen to it - but if Pussy is anything to go buy, it should be pretty mint. :D

As for gaming, I tried to get a few more collectables on Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I know I'll never get a true 100%, because the boss trophies are a cunt in the arse to get - but I could get pretty close.
I managed to do Boss Battles on normal with Meta Knight - fuck knows why I've never done it before, it was a pile of piss - but I couldn't do it on hard because Tabuu is a cheaty twat and gets off too many lucky shots.

I played a few levels on the CD Factory and added about 12 new stickers to my collection - then spent like 3000 coins on the Coin Launcher to gather a few more new trophies. Brawl is so beasty. I don't think I'll ever get close to getting anywhere near 100%.

I got sick of it after a while so tried to play Crash Bash - I went from 101% to 107% - but then the cheaty slag CPU players started pissing me off. The relic challenges - win two in a row - I can always win the first one, but then their AI like triples when I go to get the 2nd one and I can never do it.

I ate hotdogs for tea and watched a few hours of the Spongbob Squarepants marathon. I think that's like the only time I've watched TV this week. I proper don't sit infront of a telly screen unless it's wired up to a console. :)

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I amused myself via YouTube - watching episodes of Bear In The Big Blue House and the Channel 4 documentary Half-Ton Son - yes, a massive contrast I know.

Ash was on MSN, so I talked with her for a while - but I ended up having another heartfelt conversation with her. She's so understanding over MSN. She's got to be like me - way way better in writing than she is in words. She even gave me virtual hugs.
I was telling her about Wednesday and how shitloads of things are starting to dwell on my mind - especially the things I've done to her, like spitting on her and punching her.
She said she's not bitter about them, but I just responded: "Even if you weren't and showed no signs, I'd still think you were."

Sigh, why am I so fucking paranoid about EVERYTHING?

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This is the first day in a streak of numerous where I haven't actually felt like slitting my throat for every minute that passed by. Yes, I didn't feel as reasonable as I normally do - but I was better than I have been previously.

English was on for the first time this week. Angela was back, now with a traumatic tale to tell us all involving dogs and hospitals. She has a cast on her arm and it's in a sling. The cast is purple and it stands out a lot. :)

In my break before Photography, I ate a sausage sandwich and listsned to Rammstein on my iPod.
In Photography, Paul wasn't even in college, so we were sat around for ages doing shite all. I managed to freak Hayleigh out by showing her video stills from our many gory video projects - oh, and the trailer. :D
She's yet another person who thinks the vomit down Ash's front is real.
Mmm, yes - we stuck our fingers down her throat. :)

Shelly and I walked into town and she bought Canis Canem Edit from a charity shop. They were selling it for £1.99 - we'd seen it yesterday when we were hunting for music boxes.
I went to CEX and bought myself a new £25 baby. :)

He looked so cute when he was sat on the counter with all his wires and his controller - but the second I tried to carry him out of the shop, I was keeled over sideways under the immense weight of it!
I've decided to name him HUNK - for this very reason.



This is HUNK: my new Xbox. :D

(And there's the two games Shelly persuaded me to buy - Prince Of Persia: The Sands Of Time, and Fable.)
(Well, she persuaded me to buy games, I chose them myself. :P)

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Tonight, I've spent a few hours eating KFC, uploading CDs to Hunk's memory - and pouring out my heart to Ash over MSN. I felt I ought to tell her how shit I've been feeling recently.
I always had this inner hatred towards her for being so supportive to total randomers on DeviantArt - but I've realised she goes a little further when it's for me. She really was trying, bless her.
She was worried when I told her about Shelly and I were fighting - but I assured her we'll get through it. :/

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I'm in a listing mood right now. And I'm bored shitless with 3 and a half hours of nothing to fill up - with nothing but college resources at my disposal.

Here's a list of the 12 items I'm awaiting from Play.com.

1. Abigail II: The Revenge (CD)
2. Amélie (DVD)
3. Manhunt (PS2)
4. Guitar Hero (PS2)
5. Guitar Hero II (PS2)
6. Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks The 80's (with guitar) (PS2)
7. Parappa The Rapper 2 (PS2)
8. Resident Evil Outbreak (PS2)
9. Evil Dead: A Fist Full Of Boomstick (PS2)
10. Silent Hill 2 (PS2)
11. Galerians: Ash (PS2)
12. Freak Out (PS2)

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Dixie's list of things that are currently pissing her off beyond belief:

 

1. The new Guitar Hero Community layout
2. The insane difficulty of Maximo
3. The fact that Backloggery can't be accessed at college
4. These pointless 3 and a half hour gaps between lessons
5. The price of BLT sandwiches at college
6. And the fact you can only get them like 2/5 days of the week
7. The god dammned slow postal service
8. Dickheads talking to me on MSN when I'm IDLE
9. And by "dickheads" I only actually mean one person, who is a prick...
10. My sore throat and mucous-dripping nose
11. The lack of hours in a day in which to play all of my new games
12. Homophobic twats at college
13. Namely that blonde cunt who glares at me when I'm doing NOTHING
14. These headphones making the INSIDES of my ears ITCHY
15. The pricks in my English class
16. Paul being a twat, mainly to Shelly for no reason
17. The weather not deciding if it wants to be hot or cold
18. Wii remote batteries dying so fucking quickly
19. THE PIT OF 100 TRIALS
20. The shitty "chart hits" on the radio at the moment
21. Hoovering/dusting them it looking dirty again about 5 minutes later
22. The decline of Limewire's awesomeness
23. Lisa deciding not to display correct or ANY album artwork
24. Mam's shitty insence making me choke
25. NOT BEING ABLE TO POST BLOGS AT COLLEGE - HAVING TO SAVE THEM TO FUCKING WORD DOCUMENTS THEN POST THEM AT HOME...

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I spent a big portion of the morning playing on Guitar Hero: Greatest Hits.
Despite my mam being in the room on the PC - I still went on vocals.
I'm unsure why - maybe it was an odd burst of confidence.
Yesterday was one of my better vocals days - I seemed to be getting a lot more 100%s than usual.

Shelly finished work early in the afternoon, so she came round again to see me.
Today wasn't my best of days.
My mood and Shelly's mood were the most conflicting and contrasting they've ever been.

One thing though, I'm glad we didn't argue with each other.
I felt that shit, I'd have just slashed my wrists infront of her and not cared.

I wasn't even bothered to do anything, so I was just laid on my bed most of the time, staring into space, or at the ceiling.
Fair enough, I cuddled up to Shelly - because hugs keep me from getting a lot worse. I had random bursts of tears - at one point where I needed my inhaler, but I wouldn't take it.

But Shelly wanted lots of kisses, and I didn't want to be kissed. I wasn't in the mood.
I'm sure she could tell - because when she kissed me, I didn't kiss her back very much.

She was also in a rather randy mood - and I seriously wasn't interested.
I felt like just curling up in a ball and dying - so the last thing I wanted was to be intimate with her.
Normally I would jump at the chance, or at least, be slightly enthusiastic about it.
Today just wasn't the same.

I regretted letting her touch me - because I felt even worse afterwards.
Didn't feel like I'd deserved it - and it hadn't felt anywhere near as good as it normally does. I had too many things in my head I had to think about, I couldn't concentrate either.

I didn't have any energy either - even though I gave Shelly attention a few times - my arm gave up really easily, so she didn't get very lengthy sessions. And I couldn't even do what I normally do to get feeling back in my wrist - I just gave up in the end.

Shelly was getting upset, thinking I didn't love her anymore or wasn't interested in her anymore.
This was pathetic - surely she could see I'd lost fucking interest in EVERYTHING, not just her.
I was actually surprised I'd been arsed to have a shower and brush my teeth - because when I lapse this badly, I don't even feel like doing that.

Despite wanting to just go and slit my throat, I still cuddled Shelly and held her in my arms when she started crying. Obviously, I wouldn't just ignore her. She wouldn't do it to me, so.

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Today and Tuesday, we've had nothing in that Shelly actually drinks - so she'd brought along a little bottle of Schweppes dilutable concentrated blackcurrant.
It smells proper lush and it tastes alright too.

I had a pint of it, when Shelly decided to share it - and I got an odd hyper burst for about 10 minutes.
I was skipping up and down the kitchen and doing the comedic sneak-walk up the stairs.
Then I ate a sausage roll - but before I bit into it, I tried to see how much I could stick down my throat before I gagged - then I took it out of my mouth again and slapped Shelly about the face with it.
Soggy pastry. :D

Then naturally, as soon as the hyperness went away, I felt about five times shitter than I did before.

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Claire was talking on and off to me on MSN.
She found a photo of our old secondary school's headmaster - and she was using Photoshop to stick his head onto peoples' bodies. She started with a Bad Taste Bear, then I suggested she put him on Marylin Monroe's body - and that one was proper hilarious.

Then I suggested a hunk or a body builder, and she sent me this:



Lmfaooooooo. :D

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Ash apppeared online shortly after - and she said she'd snaffled Jordan's laptop.
Which, has decent connection and a built-in webcam and microphone. :D

So we had a video conversation.
Well, my webcam's finally decided to die - so she only got audio from us.
Shelly tried to keep quiet, oddly not wanting Ash to know she was here - until we made her piss herself laughing and she PROPER echoed round the room.
I'm surprised everyone in Ash's bungalow didn't hear her. :)

And naturally, Ash is a bit of a knob on a webcam.
Prime print-screened example:



"HIYAAAAARRR..."

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Today has been a strange Saturday.
On the whole, I've felt okay - but there's been moments where I've felt like slitting my throat.

I've spent the day with Ashleigh and Shelly - doing what we normally do: Guitar Hero and eating junk food.
And whittling away hours talking about random shit.

I felt terrible when I woke up, so I sort of forced myself into a hyper-active state.
That's not always a good thing, because I tend to be rough and sometimes violent without meaning to be.
I bashed Shelly in the face with the end of my guitar - although that one was an accident.
She pissed me off at one point when I was playing Resident Evil Zero - so I hit her on the head with my controller and it made her cry.

I've made it up with ner now, but at the time it caused a lot of depression and tension.

The Resident Evil Zero disc 2 was being a right cunt.
We put it ultimatley down to my Wii.

It would keep crashing and displaying error messages - and would instantly die if either of the two characters entered a certain corner in one of the rooms.
Ashleigh told me to wash the disc - and I did so, although it felt really fucking weird WASHING A DISC.
It did make it work for a little while longer - but we then switched to the GameCube and there was no problems with it at all.

I was upset again when it came for Ash to leave.
I'd asked Shelly if she was going home with Ash, and I didn't get any answer.

So when Shelly turned round at fucking quarter to 9 and said: "Oh, I'm going with Ash now."
I was like FOR FUCK'S SAKE, YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME SOONER.

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When they'd done, I spoke to Reiss and Adam on MSN.
I told Reiss about how upset I was and he tried to make me feel better by talking things over with me.

Adam found another way to cheer me up:
We traded lots of links. He'd found an interactive chat bot called Billy.
We both downloaded it and shared endless amusement with some of the shite he came out with.

He's supposed to learn from the way we talk - as when you first start to talk to him, his grammar is atrocious.
Here's a few things he's came out with that made us both piss:

DIXIE> Ashleigh has long blonde hair and a big nose.
BILLY> long? get out of here.
DIXIE> It's down to her bottom.
BILLY> when i was younger, i had her bottom.

DIXIE> Are you a homosexual?
BILLY> obviously i quite am, love hetrosexual know blank team thank sometimes girlfriend later?
DIXIE> So you would like a boyfriend?
BILLY> are you quite on, me go team bye at way nice run friend.
DIXIE> Penis?
BILLY> boyfriend he quite she, been me way alright teamwork okay am run later?
DIXIE> And you would cherish his penis?
BILLY> i will keep fit and be healthy.
DIXIE> And cherish his penis.
BILLY> i think my penis is broken.
DIXIE> Has it gone all soft?
BILLY> it is down to her bottom.

BILLY> actually, my girlfriend has a girl.
DIXIE> Your girlfriend is a lesbian.
BILLY> were we even talking about a lesbian?
DIXIE> Yes, we were always talking about lesbians.
BILLY> sweet deal!
DIXIE> Do you like lesbians.
BILLY> you? get out of here.
DIXIE> Lesbians do not like penis.
BILLY> to tell quite me, that team name too him lesbian gone know friend...
DIXIE> Do you like penis?
BILLY> yes i quite do, on soft feel girlfriend would at know lives friend?
DIXIE> Your girlfriend does not like your penis.
BILLY> actually, my girlfriend has your girlfriend.
DIXIE> I will kill her.