Moving On @ MindSay

I rarely remember dreams.  I usually wake up oblivious to the fact that my mind has probably been overactive all night.  Lately it seems that every dream I actually remember, with the exception of one or two, has been about her.

 

And now, just when I'm feeling I'm doing so well, I'm living my life and moving on, I have to wake up this morning from the most vivid dream I think I've ever had.  I remember every detail, and I had to wake up to face the reality that she's not there... again.  Fuck that.  I'm not going to let it get me down.

Finally..only a month after I was suppose to be there.

I don't know if any of you had to move back in with your parents for any length of time, but I don't recommend it. Especially when you have no room of your own and your mom (and her room mate) smoke like a Yugo running on regular.

Last night it was so nice to just close the door last night and know that no one could come in..and I could use my PC without hearing the TV on all the time, breathing fresh air, and not having to listen to comments about everything, or have the sound of Pogo.com seared in to my consciousness. I don't even have a matress yet but I had a better sleep on the floor of my own room then I have had in months.
Maybe my lungs can start to heal heh...Since I was really sick last week they have hurt a little; I know being around the smoke doesn't help.

 I'm working on some projects and being in my own space is going to help my whole creative output. I'm eating cup of noodles to stay alive right now, having to get the net off of a somewhat working satellite card...but man it is so worth it.

I have grown to hate the television. It is one of those things I will use, but when it is not being used I turn it off.  I haven't watched Television on a regular basis since..2003? 2004? I have grown to loath having the incessant chattering of inane fictitious beings always in my ear...and I'm not talking about voice chatting with my friends online (hahaha)

Anyway, I'm at work and just thought I'd take some time to rant since the satellite card works everywhere....

Although..when I woke up this morning the electric guy was driving off. He turned off our electric. Dang APS and their misunderstandings! Luckily I'm at work all night so the electricity on tomorrow when I get home..

Of course my house mate has to sleep with no electric.

 I also have my xbox 360 with me (The GTA IV duffel bag makes a really good 360 tote) so I should be playing more GTA here tonight. w00t.

I love my mom to pieces and our relationship is so much better then it used to be.  However I won't, God willing, have to live with her again.  I like being able to breath...heh.

 

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life:   it goes on."

Although I’ve heard it (It's by Robert Frost) thousands of times before and lived that experience at numerous times in my life, still those lines stick out like a tree amidst a flat meadow of grass and stones. You just can’t miss it!

Life goes on – mercifully it does.

You know, I’m glad that the sun continues to rise at dawn even if in other parts of my world fortunes are tumbling down or houses are robbed clean. It’s also a great feeling of rain on my face even if my neighbor just lost his precious car to a mortgage and many lives are eaten up by cancer. It makes me smile every time that I see the cherubic face of a newborn child even if people elsewhere are burying a parent, husband, son, relative, or a friend. And I still tend to my tiny garden every morning even if the daily news tells of bombings, shootings, coup de tats, killings, scandals, divorces, floods, pestilence, and drought.

 

Life goes on – mercifully it does.

You know something else too, I will be sad, angry, unhappy, miserable, frustrated, disappointed, afraid, cheated, betrayed, will suffer, and what else be added to that heap life throws at us… but I will not linger in that sorry state. It might break me and crush me to the ground, or hurt me deep and leave me with scars to show for it – yes it might. But it cannot destroy me or what I stand for to myself. No, because I know that those things don’t stay there forever. But it’s there for a reason. When it has exhausted itself, done its work and is satisfied that I have learned my life lessons well, it will move on and head for another human being another life. It moves on with the same bag of tools because Life is -- a teacher too.

 

And I will continue to hope, trust, have faith, believe in a constant and merciful God, build dreams anew, pursue destiny, seek new learning, create new passions, conquer new horizons, and maybe learn to reinvent myself too. Who says a person can’t?!

My life will continue to turn even if the rest of the world wrestles with issues and burdens and continues to fight big silly wars. Life goes on – mercifully it does.

And to the rest of you out there going through tough times in your life, acknowledge those pains and trials – cry if you must but only for awhile - Because you will soon discover that precious time waits for no one Oh No! And that life will move on with or without you. So gather yourself and decide --whether to move on along with life or stay behind in the company of your own misery. It’s your choice. But listen, it’s a beautiful world out there and with enough opportunities adventure blessings and joy for everyone, so then why not grab some for YOU? I think that’s what God would rather that you do too.

While sitting in an empty garage one early evening with the gorgeous full moon above and stars glittering like diamonds up in the clear night sky… thoughts came traipsing into my mind helped along by a gentle cool night wind--- Just the perfect setting indeed. Without further ado, let’s tick off just a few here. 

-There was this plan to make an out of town trip to Tagaytay City where one of the country’s active volcanoes -- Taal volcano – can be found. The volcano sits smugly and unperturbed in the middle of a serene lake in full view, scary but magnificent -- Takes one’s breath away. I would love to sit at a good vantage point overlooking the lake and alongside a well-packed picnic basket with my three daughters as company. Well, their boyfriends are welcome too. Lols

-Another thought wrested my attention away from that ideal scene –it’s the continuance of the project of compiling the writings in book form. But I think I’m getting there having already printed one year’s writings. I wanted this for my daughters as a memento. It’s something I wish that my mom did for me. She gave me wonderful and precious pearls of wisdom which helped me in my life journey. But all that was left for me were those which I could remember in my growing up years. Much of her wisdom was lost through time and forgetfulness.

-Then my thoughts skipped to another. Where am I at now? --A question that popped in so suddenly. And it was here that my rambling thoughts finally stayed.

Yes, so where am I now?

Nature is an imitation of life. Don’t we all know that? As it changes with every season, so does life. I understand that the glorious season of spring has come upon us as winter with its cold has now gone.

I can lay claim to that winter of my life which was gleaned from the previous blog written (several if I may say so myself). The winter of misery, despair, cold isolation, desolation, loneliness, anguish, sadness, and grief which my family and I went through some months ago.

But allow me to say this too…
 
That I can now lay claim to spring which has settled into our lives bringing with it new hopes, strength, courage, faith, and of being fearless and confident in treading new ground to the unfamiliar future.

This wondrous spring of our lives as seen in the laughter and smiles of my family, in the twinkle in my girls’ eyes, in the hopeful plans they make for tomorrows, in their fresh thrust at work, in the continuing expression of support and encouragement from good friends (they never left us), in the renewed ability to enjoy the simple joys of each day, in the increased wisdom of letting go and letting God. My spring has come at last!!

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant:
If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."                                                 -- Anne Bradstreet