Moving @ MindSay

Hahahah! I was goin' thru my old surveys on here... I'm a funny motherfucker!!! If anyone else wrote those answers, I think I would have to.. Well... You know.

 

Today was a very boring day... I havn't worked in almost a month now, and I can't seem to find another job. Tomorrow I'm gonna do some wacky "try a million places" thing. We will see. It's very hard to do when ya barley have gas money.

 

I am trying to cope with the breakup... Easily the hardest thing I had to do... I want her back so bad, but she has no intrist anymore... Which I will have to understand. I'm sure shes already "moving on" anyways.

 

Enough with the negetive tho. It is really time to focus on what is good. That is what is getting me thru my day without a knife in the throat.

 

Some good things going for me:

1. I am losing weight.

2. I am breathing

3. The past is done. After Andrea left me, I had so much time to just think about things... To think about all my problems... To think about everything that made me the way I was... I realised that my Mom, Dad, Work can't affect my life anymore...They are gone, done! All those troubles are gone. I'm not seeing my mother anymore, so why should I still be upset over it? My dad is bitch whipped but HeathFAT, and so be it. If she wants to fuck with me I will put the bitch in her place. And keep her there. These things can't hurt me anymore... They are gone... This is such an amazing feeling to realize this! I feel so new... Sure, the apartment is an issue, but what is the worst that will happen? I get kicked out? Boo fuckin hoo. I will put my shit somewhere, and have a couch to sleep on somewhere. I have my whole future to make things perfect.

 

You have to look at things this way: It can always be worse. I can be laying in the hospital bed right now, trying to learn how to except death.  All I am losing is my home. And that may not even go! I lost 2 of the most important things in my life, and will do anything in this world to get them back, but it seems that can't happen... But she could have left me another way, which I am so glad didn't happen.

 

Every second on this earth is a blessing. You can't live life pissed off all the time. I now see that's just as bad as drinking or drugs... You are still hurting youself and the people you love. Like drinking and doing drugs, it isn't worth it.

 

Out of all the shit I have been thru I am proud to say I have not resulted in a bodily harm. Not a single drug, cut, or bad thought has enterd my mind or body. I am a strong person. I'm not my mother. There are some people who have been thru less and are now 6 feet under. I'm not one of them.

 

There is so much shit in this life to enjoy, it's just finding/them and appreciating every second of there presence that is important!

 

Goodbye Jeff, Welcome back Jeph!

 

 

 

 

• Biopsy came back all good. Go back in for another pap in October.
• Moving is going pretty well.
  
• I have been feeling rather woozy since yesterday. Slept most of the day today.
• Ben has the flu or something. Since he got home around 2, he has been puking 5-6 times per hour. I have a feeling there isn't going to be much sleep for either of us tonight.
• One of Ben's coworker's wives (this guy is probably one of Ben's best friends) kicked him out last night. So as of two this afternoon, there are now three adults here. The only bed right now is the one that Ben and I sleep in and the couch is in super rough shape.
  

*EDIT @ 7:10 pm* Ben's friend went back home. I guess him and the wifey figured things out...again. I guess she kicks him out on a regular basis. Ben finally asked me to go to the store and get saltines for him (I've offered about ten times or so). It's gonna be a long night on the couch for me.

hey peoples...yes its me. and I know I havent updated in like a month but theres a really good reason for that. Ive been busying playing LastChaos haha Im fuckin addicted to that shit I swear. I now have a character on every server. 3 on Katar and one each on Cariae and Sarissa. but ya Ive been busy leveling my one character that I love. shes got badass armor haha so um if anyone out there whos reading this and actually does play LC lemme know. Im always looking for new friends to party with. or you can even join my guild if you'd so like. Im ALWAYS on haha if Im not on Im probably either out or sleeping (most likely sleeping)

in other news...our deadline to move out is fast approaching. we have til the end of April to be outta here. we dont even have enuff rent to get our new place so we're all stressed about that. me and Shake were supposed to get this sweet super job for a apartment building (free rent!!) but I woke up yesterday and my mom said that the lady had given it to someone else even tho she knew we wanted it. that pissed me off so much...but as is life I suppose...

so...Im finally into Manga. yes. its happened. first it was the Hentai and now I have 3 Manga novels haha I love the one so far so hopefully the other 2 dont disappoint. I also am now the proud owner of a Kuma figure YAY!!! he kicks total ass haha (for those of you who dont watch tv...hes one of the samurai from Afro Samurai. hes the one with the big bear head http://www.joeacevedo.com/images/figurezone/dcunlimited/dcun_afro_kuma.jpg thats him) the next one Im going to get is hopefully Justice http://www.joeacevedo.com/images/figurezone/dcunlimited/dcun_afro_justice.jpg OH OH and...I also have a Deady!!! OMG hes soooooooo adorable http://www.merchdirect.net/x/detail_image.php?imageid=17081 how cute is he?! haha but ya...thats enuff about my recent additions

anyhoo...Im off to play LC some more (Im actually playing it right now haha)
toodles

As I'm sitting here watching American Idol rewind, still haven't touched my homework yet. Tonight we are going over a friend's to make them dinner and do our laundry and play with their baby boy. I really don't know why I am so disinterested in my work. I do enjoy it for the most part. I will enjoy it more when I have more say with what I am doing rather than following specific instructions. But, Review is next week. I am so far behind in my lab work for computer science. I am just so unmotivated, and I have no idea why. I haven't looked at wedding stuff in forever, I'm really not interested in anything on the 5 channels that we have, I'm done with the internet, other than typing right now. I know if I don't pass class and review, I won't be able to move onto my next semester. And yet, here I sit. I want to look for a different job other than the ice company. I thought about it a little more, and decided that if I took the job and worked through September, I wouldn't be able to do any homework. I have photography next semester, and I have to take it, but when would I have time to take the photos? So I don't think I'm going to be able to do it. Which I'm ok with, but where am I going to get a job then?! Steve and I are moving in May to a one bedroom apartment. We are staying in the same complex, so moving shouldn't be hard. I want to be on the second floor, because in the very back, people have had their apartments broken into, and regardless of where on the first floor you are, people go out, and come home late at night and flash their car lights right into the bedroom window! It's so annoying. I am so excited about our one bedroom though! I have been thinking about how nice we are going to keep it, we are going to clean it before we bring anything in, then, we have been planning where everything is going to be placed, and how much better it's going to be with just me and him. Right now, there is mold because before they "fixed" it up, the first floor would always flood, so there is a huge problem with dampness and mold, and bugs. Anyway, I guess I'm going to try and find something to eat..... and then try to work on my homework. Oh, I have a funny story for next time about my spring break.

spent part of the day framing some of my work and then moving the recycle containers because May 1 we go single stream which means we don't have to keep things in different containers. that has been a pain and I am looking forward to making it easier. however we are very good recyclers and produce very little actual garbage because I also compost all my organic non dairy and non meat food.

Abi has not reacted too badly to the shot this time. Dr. McGeorge gave her a smaller dose and already her lip is less swollen. she is drinking a ton more water which is normal and many more pee clumps to scoop from her boxes. I also decided to use some museum putty on some of the items she likes to head butt off tables in order to get attention. like the tray on my bedside dresser and my basket of nail polish , tooth floss etc gimrackies (is that a word?)  which sits on a console table behind the den sofa.

my neighbor has continued to flagstone and concrete her back yard. she had the guys tear some out and lay more down in another location do that about 3/4 of her yard is all hard-scaping. I really don't get it. not at all. I an still reading the Wide Sargasso Sea by Jean Rhys for my women's book group and am loving it. It is the story of Mrs Rochester. Afterwards we will read Jane Eyre.

Jim has cooked chicken Marengo and while I have no appetite I agreed to eat a little so I don't pig out on  cake later tonight.