Move On @ MindSay

I have to say, I have always been sort of an ass, people seemed to always look up to me and seemed to expect me to lead and make all the decisions etc. I think I started taking a lot of the people in my life for granted. Relationships came easy, and went easy. I felt like no one I knew was as smart as me.

 

Now, I find I am not getting much attention from anyone anymore, guess I am getting what I deserved. No one is calling, people are avoiding me. I guess, I don't care, maybe it just means it is time from me to move on, move somewhere else and start another life, I am not sure.

 

I don't want any sympathy, I know what I have to do, just have to not be obnoxious and self-centered anymore.  I just felt like I needed to come clean, that is all.

Well, it looks like it has been a pretty long time since I last posted. I will be moving soon [aah the life of being in the army, always moving] and that move is coming up pretty soon, though I have no dates. Hopeing that it will be in the beginning of June, but I have learned if you hope for stuff in the army they tend to give the opposite. This is just one more step getting closer to home back in the states. 8 more months till home and I can't way, really counting down the months.

Yawn. Anybody else tired of hearing about this?

 

Memo to ESPN, this failed being a sports story long ago. It's a story of injustice and an out of control DA. I have my TV on ESPN News and down in the lower right hand corner is a graphic that says, "breaking news."

 

Under breaking news it says, "DA Mike Nifong has been disbarred." Great. Got it. Get it off of my screen please. Is there any type of sports story that should be considered breaking news?

 

Maybe if a team plane crashes and everyone dies. Maybe Barry Bonds getting kicked out of MLB before he breaks Hank Aaron's homerun record.

 

What a shitty Saturday. I'm going back to sleep.   

IMOVE WITH ONE THOUGHT

i move with one heart

 i move with all my strength

 but am i really telling the truth

 beacuse my mind is so confuzed with all these thoughts

to walk is jsut a primarial instinct

and my strength fails me most frequently

but ill still move on

although my held up head may falter

and my thoughts may wonder

i must still go on

 pretending in this sherade

everthings fine, ill find my own time to shine

but for now ill still move one

help you through

no need to worry

ive only let my gard down

a couple moments in time...in time

 So i move with one thought

i move with one heart

i move with all my strength

or at least ive been trained so well

that it just seems so

for its just an act

just another role to play, my set time on stage

my life just a script, this solitary page

blank and white and pristine in its innocence

thats how you will see it

to me

i see

 i remember

some of the thoughts

that this page hoped to hold,

and deliver to the world

woven throught time

just keep on moving

on

and

on

ive set my foot on the concrete line

and looked over the imaginary edge

that one we will defiantly remember,

when the end of the concrete starts

and

so just to make sure

i move with one thought

i move with one heart

i move with all my strength

but am i really

just barely

just holding

on

just moving because i must

or have i

will i

did i

ever

plan and write my life

on a

single

solitary

page

reluctent to deliver to the world.

now i reali understand that all i can do now was accept all these and move on ... i have decided tt noe i haf to face myself n move on ... learn to move on n acccept the past, accept that i and dino was over long ago and i was the one who dump him ...

though i am waiting for him n may give him another change but all was over all was the past ... his limit was over yesterday ...i waited all the way till his Bday i dun wish to b like tis anymore ... think a part of me haf let this idea of waitin for him die off le ba ... and at the other part of me i hope n wish n pary that the good old days that i use to haf will come back ... it's a fight between my thoughts ba dun u think so ???

mayb in a few more mth's time i'll b able to reali put all these the past n moved on ... i haf kind of accept times that i had being alone n realise that actuali i was reali very fortunate that i had so many people around me who cares and loves me alot ... therefore for me for them for people who cares for me i think it was time for me to reali dump the past and move on ... though i wasnt sure how long will it take but i belief one day i'll b able to do it no matter how long it'll take it'll still happen one day ... one fine day it'll happen even if it takes years for me to move on i'll still try n belief that one day all these hope n stuff it'll die off in me n give up all hope that i once used to hold for him ....

now everytime i talked abt dino or think abt him tears will pour out and my heart seems to be bleeding ... the only reason why was that everytime all these happen deep inside my mind seems like there was a voice telling me ... remember this between u all everything was over everything he had moved on with his life and so u had to do it too ... everytime i hear this it hurts me ...

sometimes i reali wonder how come people have to get so hurt ??? how did all these pain come about ??? why can love cause all these ???

yesterday kelvin asked me if i belief in loving someone forever ... and the answer to it was i do belief in loving someone forever i do belief ... and a part of me actuali wanted to answer him that i'll b able to love dino for the rest of my life if only he is willing to let me love him forever ... but he never allow it to happen and i am also the one who is partly to be blame ... isnt it ???

if no one can love someone forever den it's impossible that that poeple will feel the pain ... i belief after a long time being together we people will ask ourselves mayb we no longer love this person anymore anybe it was jus that i was too used to it ... and when new people came in as things between the couple came to stable down sometimes we'll feel that it was too boring like tis therefore we try to spice up life let people come in between us just to see if the other party still love u not or are u still able to move on with someone else ....

but no one realise that all these will bring pain n destroy the relationship that is actuali everythin to them ...

after a break up after that person reali left u den u'll realise how important that person was once to u but u neg it all cos u are taking that person who is beside u for granted ...

if u no longer love someone u'll never feel the pain after leaving mayb u'll feel uneasy all cos u are too used to that person but u'll not feel hurt if u dun love that person therefore i do belief that there is everlasting love ...

love can last for a lifetime ...

too bad this love that i once belief in never last forever as i thought it will though it brought me hurt that was soooo sooooo soooooo deep but still i'll try to overcome this pain and accept it and also move on though i dunno how long will it take me to actuali able to do so ... but no matter how long i'll try ... cos i felt if tis was nothin to him i can also do the same ... i'll try my very best very very very best to actuali accept someone else one day and move on happily ever after ....

though i dunno how long before this day will come but i'll wait n try to make this day come faster =)