Motivation @ MindSay

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I must've had a mint night's sleep last night - I woke up feeling so refreshed. :)
Today also seemed to be a mint day for GH vocals... But not a great day for guitar.

While I continually missed STUPID notes, due to random breaks in my concentration, I was acing songs on vocals with 100% - even those I'd previously failed to get 100% on before. :)

My knitted waistcoat and new Converse came today.
The waistcoat goes pretty well with the new pinstripe blouse I got on Monday. It looks bodged on me, but everything I wear does. I look shit no matter what I wear.



Aren't they sexy? :D
A perfect marraige of my three favourite complimenting colours.
My Backloggery layout is red, black and white too.

I think these are soon to be my favourite pair of Converse...
I wonder how long I can keep the toes white for? I'm usually quite good at avoiding dirty spots.

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Behold, my newest game completing motivation idea:



I call it THE TO-BE-COMPLETED WALLET. :)
(And of course, there's my silver remote, Whitey guitar in the background and two empty packets of Wheat Crunchies. :D)

In addition to the motivaton that my Backloggery provides, I also now have this 24-CD wallet, which I've filled with unfinished games.
Whenever one is completed, I re-fill the empty spot with another unfinished game and return the completed one to its box. This should work up until I have nothing left to fill the empty gaps with. :)

The wallet currently contains the likes of Final Fantasy VII, Pikmin, Asterix, Crash Bandicoot, Starfox Adventures and Super Mario Galaxy.

It only has one drawback: I can't use this technique for N64, GBA or DS games.
But that's quite good, as the games I have the least completed for are the PS1, GameCube and Wii. :)

I'm going to see how many games I can finish before I get my Playstation 2.
I'm also avoiding games I'm yet to play or have only played like 20 minutes of.
I'm finishing those I've spent time on beforehand first. :)

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After mam did a touch-up on my hair, using a darker shade this time - making it so my roots will take longer to come back - she ordered my birthday presents. :)

Sexy slimline black Playstation 2 from Game - and from Play.com: a memory card and WE LOVE KATAMARI. :D

That is my most desired PS2 game, so I'm sooooooo excited. :)
We managed to find a new copy going too - only £1.40 or so more expensive than a pre-owned one.

Play.com will be my new best friend when I have birthday money...
Maximo 2 - £1.20?!
YES. :D

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But to lower the blog's mood for my ending...
I get my AS-level exam results tomorrow.

And Dixie is not looking forward to it... :(

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Remember the ORIGINS OF THE DAYS OF THE WEEK assignment?
Well, today it was explained to us a bit better.

We went down into the LRC - and I sat beside Siobhan.
She scares me a little bit - but after I plucked up the courage to talk to her, she seems quite nice.

I finished my work off and then we had the fun with the dodgy printers.
After faffing on for about 10 minutes with ID codes and numbers - we realised we were stood at the wrong printer!

The stern-faced LRC gadgie wasn't pleased. :)

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Today's room assigned for Key Skills was damn-near impossible to find.
Even so, I didn't stay in there for long. I wasted my time as well.
I seemed to be in the working mood on Monday - but my motivation's left me, so it seems.

Ach, so typical.

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Today was my last session with Dianne.
I felt really sad about that.

I took my last chance to do so - and I put the Abigail film trailer on my iPod and let Dianne watch it.
She then made the greatest comment I've ever recieved on it, and one of the best things she's ever said to me:

"BLOOD, GUTS AND WHEELCHAIRS!"

(This then later became my personal message on MSN, and then an addition to my screenname. :D)

After I'd told her about my sudden likeness to Extreme last week - she burned me four of their albums.
All neatly presented in white envelopes. :D

One thing she said to me that made me feel happy, but weird - was: "You have so much talent. You're being WASTED here!"
I like the idea of my talent being wasted. Well, not disappearing - but the idea of having so much, I can't use it all. I like that idea. :D

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Today we discussed the problem I've been having with spontaneous crying.
I'm still not sure of the EXACT reason - but we discussed the reasons behind it.

Because I was never allowed or encouraged to show emotions through my life - particularly with me being brought up being told it was wrong to cry - we think that that's a factor that contributes to it.

The fact it also occurs sometimes when I'm having sex - it could also be just another method of release.
With the excessive amount of emotions felt at that time - I'm bound to just explode into tears, right?

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I think the most meaningful session we had was the day we discussed Regenbogen Streifen.
I discovered so much more about myself that day. Ideas I already thought about myself - but they're never truly concreted until you've spoken to someone you trust about them.

Dianne even hugged me today.
It was odd - before she even asked me, I was thinking the exact same thing. Ending the sessions on a hug. :)

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When I first started my sessions with Dianne - I had to mark how I felt about 4 different things on a numbered scale.

Confidence, Motivation, Self-Esteem and College Life.

Originally, my Confidence was marked at 0.
I re-marked it today as 1.

Originally, my Motivation was marked at 1.
I re-marked it today as 3.

Originally, my Self-Esteem was marked at 0.
It still remains at 0, unfortunatley.

Originally, my College Life was marked at 2.
I re-marked it today as 4.

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Those scores just prove that Dianne has helped me - even if it only seems a little bit - it feels like she's helped me quite a lot.
There's been a lot of occurances during this colleg year where I've just NEEDED someone to talk to - so I'm really grateful for having Dianne there at those times.

I'm thankful for everything she's done for me.

Ugh.. here comes this downward spiral again... I'm falling back into that pattern of putting off my homework and letting it all pile up untill I'm so stressed out I don't know where to start so I avoid it even longer.. even though i KNOW its not difficult and i could do it.. i just need to.. DO IT!..

 

It may have something to do with my not taking my medication.. I know I said I'd make a stern effort to do so this semester.. oops i forgot? I just feel so undermotivated I don't feel like I'm learning anything or working towards MY goals through the actions of my daily schedule.. school. work. sleep. theres no fun, adventure, bliss, unscheduled time.. i hate that..

 

maybe its just because of cabin fever, ... hating waiting even longer for the grass to come back and the sun to shine upon me and energize my soul.. -sigh- hold on... it's comming, I tell myself.. but I still feel like im pent up and being kept from things that make me happy..

 

my friend phil left for arizona to work the ren fest. . and i was invited on the road trip adventure... but guess what. I couldn't go because of school, work, loans, bullshit! Anyother time in my life I could have packed up ad ran away to bliss land and adventure for however long i felt necessary, now I'm bound to this town.. God I hope I'm not a lifer here..

 

I know avoiding this class and the work is only going to stress me out even more and put me even father behind.. but shit. I just cant make myself go today.. I went to the other three.. maybe it's because the teacher is so intimidating, and I want to do well.. just have to find my motivation again.. fuck it better not be in a pill form . .  alas eternal internal struggle.

 

off to work. maybe my clients'll cheer me up

 

anyone have an adventure today? share it with me, so i can live through your bliss haha

 

-unadventured pixie-