Mothers @ MindSay

A famous author once said that 'we can't choose our parents, but God made sure that we get what we need'. God gave you a mother tailor-fit for you. It may look imperfect to your eyes. But I'll say this..... it's imperfectly perfect ----- by God's design. Trust God to know what He is doing, just like what He does with the rest of your life. Love your mother. No ifs and buts. Enjoy your Mother's Day and every day with her.

First of all Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful wise mothers. I salute all of you.
My children took me to breakfast and gave me a beautiful braclet called Chamilia and each one bought there birthstone. This braclet is a charm braclet. I'm sure some of you have heard of it they have been around awhile. I just love it!!!

Second I wanted to post the pictures of the 3-tier flower bed. So here goes.
The top bed with the rock in it, I planted hosta's and a red leaf plant. By next year they will fill in and look very nice.
I took a picture of the front of the house so you could see how the 3-tier bed looks with the sidewalk and Patio. Before we just had a concret sidewalk and a stoop for a porch.

This is a front view of the whole 3-tier bed. My husband finished this in time for Mother's day as a gift for me. I just love that man. What a terrific person.
The water feature has copper buckets I bought it at Rural King last November at a close out sale I got it 80% off so I paid $39.00 for it.It was $125.00 What a savings!!!
The very first bed has fern's in it and a red poker plant. It will have green folige with red flaming flowers. I also have some pansy's in the small pot sitting on the wall.
In the picture of the whole front there were no tree's we added a red maple and two river birches. If you click on each picture you can see a close up of everything.
I waited three years on getting the front of our house finished. Now we are working on the side yard. We are planting knock out roses and putting a walk way in and making a home for the rose bed.

I hope you all had a great Mothers's day. Im going to try to get some sleep now.
I haven't been sleeping very well and I don't know why, all I know is that I am tired.
May God bless all of my friends on Mindsay
decolady

Happy Mother's day!

So Sunday is Mothers Day and it got me thinking. What makes a good mother anyway? Do we all have pretty much the same idea of what makes a good mother? Are there certain universal characteristics of good mothering? If so, what are they? I wasn’t sure, so I asked my friends.

 

Jade said she thought unpredictability was a necessity of good mothering. Jade recalled a vivid childhood memory that she has never forgotten. That made her view her mother in a completely new light.

 

Like many of us of a certain age Jade spent her junior high years (back in the day it was junior high, not middle school) at the roller skating rink. The school week revolved around prepping for Friday and Saturday nights. Who was going to the rink? What were they wearing? Was it acceptable to wear the same colored pom poms on your laces as the previous week? Could so and so borrow so and sos Gloria Vanderbilt jeans? Whose house were they meeting at to primp for the night? Don’t forget to bring the cherry blossom lip gloss. The usual concerns of newly teen girls. They usually met at Jade’s house because her mom was the cool mom.

 

Jades mom’s parenting style was more of a hands off approach. Not in a negligent way, more of a let them learn on their own kind of way. Jade had very few rules and restrictions because her mother believed it was important for Jade to learn to police herself and set her own rules. How else can children learn to be responsible if not given any opportunities to practice? Consequently Jade’s house became the hang out house because there wasn’t a parent hanging over a shoulder. There wasn’t a parent making them go to bed at a certain time. There wasn’t a parent glaring with parental disapproval at whatever they were doing. They could talk how they wanted. Swear if they wanted. Basically be themselves. Due to the environment at home, Jade felt very free. However freedom to a basically spoiled 13 year old really means she felt like she could do whatever she wanted. Jades not sure if her mom knew this and that’s why she did what she did on the Sunday afternoon that will live in infamy. Or if it was simply a matter of poor timing.

 

Well, as previously stated Jade and her friends lived at the roller rink. And every girl there, with no exception had a huge crush on the dj. Didn’t we all? This dj loved the adoration of young pre teen girls. He was the coolest thing Jade had ever seen. With his feathered shoulder length hair, button down shirts and tight jeans. He was every girl’s fantasy. What young girl can resist an 18 year old flipping his hair back while weeding through 45’s? They all hung around the DJ booth. Requesting songs. Boy George, Madonna, Rick Springfield. He obliged all their requests. Sometimes during the Boys Choice spot light skate, he would get someone to man his booth and come out to skate. Every girl waited in anticipation to see who he would pick. It was thrilling. If you were picked, you were the envy of the night. Subjected to relentless critiques of your backward skating ability, your outfit, your make up application and your butt. Every girl not only wanted the chance to skate with him, but also to be the topic of conversation for the evening. Attention is attention at that age. It’s not qualified as good or bad.

 

On one particularly quiet Sunday, Jade and her girlfriend decided to go to the rink. Not typical for a Sunday, but they were bored. He was there. He and not many other patrons. The girls had his undivided attention. It was awesome. Well, after his shift he invited the girls to go to the pizza place that was attached to the rink. They were beyond excited. They could not believe their good luck. They flipped their skates off and ran to the bathroom to reapply their lip gloss and eye liner. To retuck their t-shirts to make sure their back sides were showcased to utmost advantage. Now Jade can’t say that the dj had any ulterior motives in mind. At her advanced age now she likes to think that he was completely innocent. Simply indulging some young girls in his presence and pizza.

 

It never occurred to Jade to call her mother and tell her she would be late. She was in charge of herself remember? It was only late afternoon. Jade wanted to crawl under the table when her mother walked in and saw them eating pizza. She was mortified that he would know she had a mother. How embarrassing. What she never could have predicted was that her mother would go off. Right there in the middle of the restaurant. She basically accused that man/child of child molestation. Vowed to report his indecent behavior to the owners of the roller rink and warn every parent at the one and only junior high in the small town they lived in about the perv working at the roller skating rink. She dragged those girls out of that restaurant without so much as a backward glance.

 

Needless to say Jade was stunned. She had never seen her mother react in this fashion. It was a very quiet car ride home. Her mother didn’t ground Jade for her pizza date. They didn’t “ground” in her house. And she doesn’t recall that she was in trouble. She just remembers coming home and throwing herself in her room. Crying out of embarrassment and humiliation. How would she ever show her face at the rink again?

 

She never underestimated her mother after “the incident”. She remembers now that she felt much loved after the incident. That her mother roared like a lioness protecting her young made Jade feel valued. Cared for. Treasured. And it also kept her off balance for years. She never knew when her mother might show up. The minute she would start to feel cocky, as all teens do, she would remember the incident. Her mom didn’t have to bring it up. She didn’t have to “talk it out”. The mere fact that they didn’t, kept Jade off balance for years. This is the ultimate parenting tool if you ask me.

 

If you were lucky enough to have a good mother, be thankful. It makes all the difference.  If you didn’t, be a good mother to yourself. It makes all the difference.  If you are a mother, be a good one. It makes all the difference. 

 

Happy Mother’s Day!

Ok, does there seem to be a disconnect regarding "age appropriate behavior" and oneself?  Are age related rites of passage still true?  Is there value in these rites of passage?

 

So I'm a huge celeb reality tv viewer.  Don't ask me why.  I'm disgusted by my own self.  I find it fascinating to watch the Housewives of Orange County.  They live in a foreign universe to me.  I always thought anyway.  As I'm watching these women I'm thinking who are they?  Where do they come from?  These aren't "real women".  But yesterday I was at the mall and I see these women!  Not the actual women from the show of course, but wannabees.  I'm at school picking up my kids and I see these women.  You know the women I'm talking about.  The oversized sunglasses, the Coach (we aren't upscale enough for LouisVuitton) bag (you can't say purse, it's totally out), the low rider jeans with heels, the ultra long, if tradional, ultra blonde hair.  And don't forget, major clevage.  And this is at school!  At 2:30 in the afternoon. 

 

Now, I don't mean to sound like I'm judging, looking down on, or poo-pooing these women.  Ok, well maybe just a little.  I mean seriously, if you are one of these women you aren't reading this blog, so let's be frank.  What's the deal?  We all know this is the latest measure of status, coolness, and celeb obsession.  I get that.  For 20 somethings, I totally get that.  My question is why are older, and by older I'm including my age range, seeking this image? 

 

When I was growing up a persons age was plain to all.  Elementary school age kids wore overalls, a t shirt and sneakers.  Hair a mess, probably stinky.  And that was a unisex "uniform".  Middle school kids had hair a little neater, maybe some Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, still t-shirt.  Still sneakers.  Perhaps a little lip gloss if their parents were liberals.  High school, tight jeans, tight t shirt, big hair, tons of make up, I mean lips sliding off your face, but probably still sneakers.  Moms looked like "moms".  They wore "mom jeans".  They had "mom hair".  They talked like moms.  They were clueless as to what their kids were listening to.  You didn't have a conversation with your mother about Fergie and her lumps.  You didn't shop "with" your mother.  You didn't both try on the same clothes.  Ohh and ahh over the same shoes, bags, sunglasses.  The point I'm belaboring is that there were roles.  And you moved up to the next role when the appropriate age was reached. 

 

We no longer have those roles.  Is it simply a sign of the times?  Is it a milestone?  That we are no longer defined by our age.  We can no longer tell apart the mom from the milf.  It's a good thing.  Yeah! 

 

I think not.  I argue that this elimination of roles and age appropriate behavior is a detriment to girls and women.  Have you noticed that men haven't changed?  Their looks haven't changed for the most part.  Why is that?  Is this yet again another form of women devaluing themselves?  Giving in to the barrage of media images.  I'm tired of blaming the media for our destructive behavior, but that's another blog topic. 

 

If young girls don't see roles to aspire to, don't have to wait to get there, don't see their mothers as figures different from themselves, how will they grow, mature and prosper?  Isn't it important to see your mother as someone who is not your peer.  Not your fashion consultant.  Not your COMPETITION.  Don't young girls need to see women who are mature? Mature in the sense that they don't need to have their breasts falling out, they don't need to have low rider jeans, they don't need to measure their worth by comparing themselves to 20 somethings who are developmentally doing exactly what they should.   Ah ha, I just had a lightbulb moment as Oprah says.  So the rub is that these desperate housewife types are bucking where they need to be developmentally.  Ohhh.  This is good.  This all goes back to the ongoing self esteem, self confidence, self awareness crisis that we women are in today.  We've lost the respect that comes with age.  We've lost the respect that comes with dignity.  We've lost the ability to let our daughters have the limelight.  Oh, that's really sad.  The title of mom and the connotation that this title signifies a basically sexless woman is gone.  And rightfully so.  However, we've gone to the extreme to show that age can still be sexy to the detriment of our daughters, to the detriment of our self respect, to the detriment of our gender. 

 

We need to reign it in.  Can't we be both sexy and smart?  Tina Fey can do it.  We can do it too.  And we need to. 

 

Cover it up and have a great day!