Mother Daughter Time @ MindSay

My dear dear mother woke me up at 7.30 in the mañana to play me the mañanitas... then she was crying for a few minutes telling me that she wishes me the best in life and in love and that she's so happy that i've found someone that respects me and loves me dearly... the last time my mother was telling me something of this sort, was a few years ago when she was having severe medical issues...

then my gianna called me, oh how i miss her so much!!! I got a surprising e-mail from one of my sisters, she hasn't spoken to me since January of this year, and she refuses to speak to me when we see each other... it was pretty heart-warming, so yeah...

my daddy hasn't called me, so i'm a tad bit sad. but i go home tomorrow, so i'll see him then... aww i can't wait to see my daddy :D!!!! i love my daddy soooooooo much...

yay, it's my 21st b-day!!! now, where's the first place to get my free shots???

Hey You guys

I am so sorry that I havent update this blog before. I have been busy and tried to find a new job so hard. I moved to the new place for three weeks. I sweared to myself that if I couldnt get any job here! I might move on to another state. So, I keep telling myself like this all the time, just wanted to remind myself about a hardly finding job here.

I have a few reason that I dont really want to leave this state. I and my boyfriend waited each other for awhile to live nearby each other. We spend and learm more each other during a hard time and situation. When I was unhappy and worried all of the problems that happened to me. He and his family are always be with me with no doubt. They let me come into their family and I became one part of them. I dont really want to move away from him. It is gonna be hard to let our relationship grow by the long distance. He doesnt want me leave neither. He would love to have our own family and spend the time with me as long as he can.

Anyway, I hope and believe that God has never leave me alone. He always be with me during the hardest time. He knew and realized how hard is life on the global earth. I am also smiling all along even though I got such a really bad storm in my life.

In the former day, my love had a really bad life before. He punished himself to get involve with drug. He has his own daughter but he broke up with his x wife bcoz of she cheatted on him. He sounded hurt really bad. He didnt have a chance to take care of his daughter by himself by the time he broke up with her. Until now, his daughter is 8 yrs old, she is so sweet but sometimes she kept herself by her own, didnt want to talk with anyone even tho her dad. I knew that she got a problem bcoz she didnt grow up with parents. She has to live with the grandparents. That story hurts me so bad. My boyfriend has never gotten her daughter back. She punished herself to not talk with her dad anymore. No one knows what is her problem. First time, I met my bf, I heard his story and kept telling myself that I should help him get away from drug and hope his daughter get back to him. All of thing I wanted to do to him right away seem so hard in the beginning. So, I wont give up. I always told him that everything might get better. He has to give her a hard time. i meant take her time until she realize that.

For my love, right now! he swore to me that I far away from damn drug and friends who invited him did that. He got a wonderful life after he met me. He got his lovely daughter back. I fulfill his new life. He said, he loves me more than I realized becoz of my forgiveness, kidness and happiness. I am calm, hosnest and different one from another women.

I am glad that my life is getter better after a big problem even tho I cant get any job now.

My heart is beating and returns to be freshy by the time when we are living together.

 

You guys pls wish me luck to find a job. I might get a good news soon.

 

Kitty 

Not so long ago playground equipment was a lot higher up with a lot more rocks below them. They weren't coated and rubberized etc  They sometimes caused splinters amongst other little pesky injuries.  They still cause spills, falls and arm wrenches.  Lots of skinned knees lol

I can remember my heart hitting my stomach and other strange experiences in the pit of my gut, especially as the tiniest of my bambinos would run up to the highest point, at the speed of light and reach for some bar only to miss it.  Never a rail--just open space and me reaching in all the wrong directions.  They never seemed to actually fall just make my head sort of drop over and over again from sheer fear.  "Watch this Mommy!!" I would try so hard to show just my pride in their capable display of talent.  At the same time I wanted to yank them down and head home to the protection of what I don't know lol

With somewhat safer equipment the fear is still the same for the new mothers out there.  I'm sure it feels just as dizzy and scary for them as it did me with the sky scraper in comparison equipment. The kids get bigger and the equipment gets smaller both in comparison to the child's growth and in actuality (sometimes)  So what do kids do?  They add more danger.  Gotta keep you in that stomach flipping mode at all times until the day you die lol.

I'm glad I didn't yank them down though.  The message is clear to a child when you do that.  You are not capable.  It's not I love you and am looking out for you or care.  It is simply, I don't trust your abilities. Sorry, but that is what they hear.  That is what I heard all my life as I watched from the window; the children who's parents "didn't care for them".  How I longed to be those children. 

I bit my tongue as my daughter pulled my grand daughter away from her fun and learning.  I wanted to interfere as the fear was being instilled in her.  I knew battle of supposed authority was not the answer.  I was silent.  Knowing, we are going to the park today to skin some knees possibly.  I did a soft loving lecture, if that is possible and will continue to, a little at a time.  My daughter was totally irate, scared and selfish by not suffering as a mother does as her child grows.  I don't think she realizes yet how much she could ruin the grand baby.  I told her to do her best to teach safety and act like a net if need be, but don't pull her away from babies her age.  Any possible message she gets, is not going to be a positive one.  It' s just a fact.  No one said motherhood was easy. 

So, my son likes to test me by adding a skateboard to the story lol.  I missed all the cool shots of him dropping off the highest point but I got the smart ass grin on his face before he skated down the slide.  Who needs to work out to get that old heart pumping? lmao


I can remember once, my uncle, who was an absolute total genius with heart, telling my a-mom, "she isn't going to learn here in the house looking out the window nor in school, it's out there under that streetlight with peers where she is going to learn life lessons.  You have to think of her and not be selfish or you will be sorry."  He was right -a child eventually wants to live --hopefully.  Let them obtain the tools in which to do so wisely or they will do it otherwise.  My Uncle was a very educated, successful man, so it's not like this was coming from someone still playing under the streetlight. 

Often, at work, I encounter people saying things to me that makes me laugh or makes me feel really good about myself, I write them down on slips of paper for me to read later, or to post when I have the time:

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I have a slight misplaced accent, I have no idea where it comes from, but I was talking to this blonde elven girl's mother, and when the girl was fishing through the stickers after she asked me for one, she looked up at me in wonder with true blue eyes.  "You have a beautiful voice..."  She smiled, watching me.

Her comment caught me completely off guard, and delighted me.  "Thank you." I laughed, smiling back.

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I just find myself smiling whenever I think of that little girl :)  She just struck a chord in me :D

 

Life is going well, more drama has happened, but nothing I wish to blog about :P

I have a lot more love for Cal now, and with it has come passion, I haven't been passionate for a long time with him, but now it feels like we're closer than ever, it's great :)

I hope life can keep heading in the right direction, whichever direction that may be :)

 

Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it...:)

we're in the middle of the tournament. so far I think we've done wonderfully, especially seeing how 1/4 of the semi-finaling debaters are from sitka!!! I think that my pieces have done pretty well, but I honestly can't say how well. In the last round that I watched, Mike and Calvin's duo completely ROCKED the SOCKS of the rest of them. The judge was so into it, he started TWO applause breaks. Thank goodness the boys cut their piece a bit or they would've been disqualified for time, ya know.

 

Last night, four of us got dropped off at Title Wave, thinking that the rest of the team would join us and we'd have a grand little coffee shop party. But noooo, an hour and a half later, we're still standing around in a bookstore, getting really bored and really tired. Finally, my mother shows up to tell us that she's been lost in Anchorage all this time. Cool. So, it takes us another half hour to get to the hotel because we're really uncoordinated like that. Caitlin and I yelling directions, but neither of us know left from right, my mother almost killing us on a snow burm. ugh, it was the madness.

 

But I'm having the time of my life. Or so it seems at this minute. I may say later that in fact THE time of my life was when I went to "the biggest waterslide in north america" in Canada (whose title was stolen a month later by disneyworld with one a foot taller) with my daddy. but right now, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

 

Track of now: "Lips of an Angel"--Hinder

 it just fits right now.