Mom And Dad @ MindSay 
dad
Got an email from an Alex Hodge yesterday morning. He said he knew I was Ken's daughter and Tracy's sister and that he'd been looking for me and Tracy for 7 years. Said his mom was Ann Hodge and she and my dad dated before my mom and my dad did. And he's Ken's son. My first instinct--like yours--might be to scream "STALKER!" and block him from every method of contact. However, my dad was well-known for his womanizing ways. So I called my mom and asked if it were possible, and as soon as I said, "Could Alex be my--" she stopped me and said "I ALWAYS SUSPECTED!" I went online, looked at his pictures. He's a fucking spitting image of my dad at 19. Like, if I didn't know better, I would have thought I was looking at a picture of my dad.
Talked to him on my lunch yesterday. He's very smart. Super excited to meet me and Tracy. Tracy's all over an LA trip soon. As much as I don't want to give up any hours or leave Grass Valley (ok, mostly I don't want to leave Jake), I really think Tracy and I should meet Alex together. He didn't know that my dad had died until he talked to Tracy. I just...cannot fathom. He's known about me and Tracy since he was 5. He's been looking for us for the past 7 years. I assumed that the 7 years correlated to when my dad died (he died in December of 2001, and I figured maybe Alex didn't know until a few months later), but no. he just got old enough to wonder who his family was. I guess that makes me pretty lucky. The only reason I found out about my dad dying--and thus meeting Tracy--was because my mom filed for child support. CPS contacted us to let us know we qualified for Social Security payout for survivors. But because Alex's mom never filed for child support, Alex wasn't in the system as Ken's son, and nobody knew to contact him or his mother. Tracy only found out about me when CPS contacted her for a copy of the death certificate. And she jumped on contacting me.
You know, I've always joked that I'm probably related to half the blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids in my county. Totally different when you find out you actually are related to one of them. I'm a little mind-blown.
This isn't really meant for anyone to read, mostly just for me to get out.
Grandpa.
Gpa died on the 7th. At 5 in the morning my mom got the call that he wasn't doing well. She left for Bismarck right away...got there around 6. And he was doing horrible. So she called Grandma who got there around 7. As they sat there and watched, they said they just knew this was it. Then my mom called her sister. The thing I don't like about this upcoming part is how naive my aunt is. When my mom called Melissa (her sister/my aunt) she asked "Did you hear about dad?" and Melissa said "No...why?" Melissa didn't even bother to call the hospital that day to see how he was. She was going to go just to her usual routine and go to work. He's not going to live forever...she had been there every day since. Why hadn't she thought of him? Anyway, my mom told her to get up there. Grandpa was on the 3rd floor of the hospital. And as my aunt was in the basement of the hospital, my mom called her again and asked "where are you?" And Melissa said "I'm here...is dad?" In which she got the answer "No."
Now I can't imagine just being so close, but I can't imagine watching my own dad die. So which sister is luckier? I don't know. I asked my mom when it was all over if this was okay..and she said "Ya know...I literally spent his last 3 living hours with him. That's the closure I need for this to be ok."
I remember smiling when my dad told me Grandpa passed away. It was like a sense of relief. And I remember not crying the way there, walking into the hospital, or seeing my mom for the first time. Ya know in movies where it's a rainy and dark day and they show someone sitting in a room by themselves staring out a window? That's the exact image I have of my mom. That's exactly how it was when I walked into the hospital. She didn't say anything to me, just got up and hugged me, and asked how was the drive. Still hadn't cried yet. But when I walked into the room to where my grandpa was, and my grandma stood up and grabbed me and whispered he's gone...I absolutely lost it. That whole day I'd steal glances at my mom...she looked so distant and lifeless. At one point I asked her what was going on in her head and she answered "Just reliving the moment".
By far the hardest part was watching my mom saying good bye to him before they took him away. If you've ever seen a child separted from their parent, you'll know what I mean. It was horrible. And forever in my head, will be the image of my mother holding onto him over his deathbed.
The funeral was beautiful. The prayer service was as well. He was cremated, and I wasn't ok with that at first...but now I think I'd like to be as well.
The one thing I can't get out of my head tho...is on the way home the night before he died I prayed and prayed to God to just take him. And he did.
Dad told me that if we were to move, that it wouldn't be during the school year - but in the summertime. Mom's been telling me we won't be moving no matter what, or, for that matter, having to switch schools. Needless to say, I got a bit upset. Dad left, and mom came down - asking me what was wrong. I told her nothing, as I typically do when I'm "in a mood". To which I started making my way upstairs, hearing "Right, you're grounded!"
I went to the living room, flopped down on the couch. Mom confronted dad for a bit, and dad came into the room - staring straight at me with a stern look - and my mother pulled him back into the room, telling him not to blame me for getting him in trouble thanks to his words he told me.
They were arguing, only it was very hushed. Whispers.
"Yes, and how much does it take for your daughter to upset her? THIS much!"
That was when mom came storming in the room, hovering over me.
"Are you done now? Will you quit crying over a worthless thing?"
"..."
"Dad's excited that he got this interview; and here you are, crying, because something isn't going your way. For once, can you stop acting like it's all about Emily?!"
I wanted to snap at her, and spit at her about how it's been all about my dad for the past half a year. That's all I ever about. Dad lost his job, dad's depressed... But I didn't.
"You two were arguing."
"Over what, Em? We wouldn't even have been arguing if you hadn't started up! You know what, if we do end up moving, you'll know the day the truck pulls up! We aren't going to tell you anything, anymore."
This is one of those times where I wish I didn't even have a family...
Ok so mom is throwing dad a surprise party in december, what do I get? Dad lives in Mississippi and as of now I cant think of anything he really needs ( has an I pod,golf clubs,clothes)
Any suggestions let me know. I was actually thinking of sending them to Morgan Freemans Restaraunt and Hotel Mididdi (its in Clarksdale) other than that I can't think of anything
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