Missing You @ MindSay

I want to dedicate this blog to anyone who is missing someone. No matter what the reason, military, split up marriages, moving away... what ever the reason you are missing someone, I am sorry.

My brother in law left for Marine Officer Candidate School last Thursay and I have to say, I miss him more than I thought I would.
I feel kind of guilty because I was so worried about my own life that I did not pay much attention when my own brother went over seas back in 2002 with the Air Force. I was interested in things that are evil and deadly. I was so consumed with myself I am not sure that I even wrote him a letter when he was gone. Being the person I am today, (Not missing the person I was), feel awful about it. I know, it was a long time ago and I cannot change it. God changed me and I am reeling over the fact that I was so selfish. I love my brother with all of my heart and want to tell him I am sorry for not being supportive and loving to him when he needed me the most. My brother is strong, he made it just fine without me. But, we could have been much closer now had I paid more attention then.

I commend the people of the United States Armed Forces and their families for the sacrifices they make on a daily basis. Pray for strength and comfort of each of them.

I want to tell you that if you are missing someone in your life God understands. He was without his son for a while (even though he is always with us) and he knows how to comfort us. We just need to learn how to lean on him.

I have faith in my brother in law, I know he is a strong man willing and able to accomplish any feat laid before him! I am proud of him! And, to our family, he is doing something to be proud of, so support him!!

To all of you out there who are missing someone, a loved one, a friend... Please pray for them and ask God to be their guide. Lean on the Christ, he is the ROCK!

God Bless you   <><

My hair is really soft right now, and it's getting really long, and I'm LOVING it!

Andy left for San Fransisco on Sunday, with the boys. They left on saturday, and they drove. He flew, so he left on Sunday. I miss him a lot. I was over on Saturday when he was packing (can I just tell you how adorable it is to watch him iron? Yeah. A lot.), and he asked if I was going to miss him. I thought "Oh, I'm going to miss you more than I'll tell you.". And I said, "Yes." Very timidly. Very quietly. Of course I'm going to miss him. I miss him when I don't get to see him that day. But I'm not about to tell him that. He'll just tell me that he doesn't want to hurt me again. When I asked if he was going to miss me, he said "A little bit.", which from him means that he actually is going to miss me. But he won't ever acutally say it. Why can't he just say what he means? I don't understand. Goodness. I miss him so much, I can't even say. And then I hate that I miss him so much, and get pissed off that I do.

Hanging out with Kori and Maria last night was good, though. I think it really helped. And chillin' with Sanny and Marika did, too. Even though I'm incredibly jealous at Sanny's relationship. I wish I had someone to do cute things like that for me.  Blooping. Adorable. But no. I just have "Hey, come watch a movie with me until I fall asleep, or I feel like fucking you."  Though, that goodbye fuck was great. Oh, god, was it great. The best yet, I think. But, even if it was good, I still kind of feel like I'm being used. And I feel like I'm using him a little bit, too. Like, the other day, I decided to see how easy it would be to get him horny. WAY to easy. All I have to do is wear a mini skirt, and he seriously can't keep his hands off me.  Interesting.

Tomorrow night I leave for Chicago and Nauvoo with my family. It's going to be fun, I think. Though I hope I don't try to kill them all before we get there, and before we get home.

Anyway, I'll update after I get back. Possibly while I"m there. We'll see. I hope my mom brings her computer, so I can at least charge my iPod.

Laters.

Dear Lani,

I know it's been a long time, but I just wanted to write a quick note to you to let you know I've been thinking about you.  I guess it's inevitable for me to think of you during this time of the year.  Things are great with me.  Garrett is still Garrett, he hasn't changed much since college, and my little girl is such a spitfire you'd absolutely love her and laugh your ass off with her. 

When I do think of you I get choked up and I have to stop myself before I start crying.  I usually fight back the tears, and try to remember the good times we had.  Boy, did we have some good times.  I can't tell you how happy I was being your roommate back at Northern.  You saved me in a way, because I'm sure I would have been a lonely wretched soul that year. 

Do you remember those ginormous pair of granny panties we bought for a buck and I dared you to wear them over your clothes and walk around campus?  I had no idea you were such a ballsy bitch!  How about the time we stuck superballs into our bras and paraded our huge nipples to all the guys on our floor to see who would have the guts to say anything to us.  Of course, it had to be Mark who finally said something to us.  I can hear him now..."What is wrong with your boobs they looked deformed!?!"  I wonder if he ever came out of the closet?  I hope he did, because he was such a great guy, I'd hate for him to be unhappy.  God, he was such a good dancer, and did we really all have as much fun as I remember?  I loved partying with you, especially when you used one of your accents and pretended you were an exchange student.  Your French accent was good, but your Irish lilt was so utterly believable.  Did we really dance for all those hours and drink as much as I remember?

Thinking of all the partying we did I'm surprised either one of us got any school work done, but I guess we did.  We even combined partying and studying, didn't we.  That speech you had to do on STDs for Speech class.  Did you really need to bring home a boxful of condoms!  They covered the floor of the room for weeks because we were both too lazy to clean!  Haha!  I also remember being huddled in our room for days on end cramming for mid-terms and making bowls of macaroni & cheese.  Plus, all those late night orders to Little Caesers pizza.  No wonder I was diagnosed with high cholesterol that year, and I was only 19!

I also remember the numerous crying sessions we had over men and life.  You went through some heavy shit that year, and I guess I had a pretty major life decision to deal with that year too.  You always said the perfect thing, at the right time, and made everything feel right.  How did you do that?  I'm so glad you were there for me.  

I guess that's it.  Again, I just wanted to let you know that I hadn't forgotten you, and I hope you're in a good place, and I miss you greatly.

Love,

Josie 

_{* Lani died January 1, 1989.  She was driving home from her job as a hotel concierge when she was killed by a drunk driver.  Please don't drink and drive.}