Miss @ MindSay

I wrote this poem earlier in the year for my uncle lawrence who died May 2006, a month before I graduated from highschool.

 

I Miss You

I miss you today so bad.

It’s been almost 2 years now,

Since you were taken without warning

And my world turned upside down.

Senior year wasn’t supposed to be like that,

You were supposed to see me graduate.

So much more than just an uncle, you were more like a father.

I miss you today, it makes me sad.

Always told me the sky’s the limit and reach for the stars,

Stay to true to yourself and how proud you were of me.

And I wonder if you’re proud of me now.

Cause I took a few wrong turns and got a little lost,

But I found my way and I’m back on track.

Are you proud of me, can you see?

I miss you today, but it’s okay.

I know you’re watching over me;

I hear your voice in the wind whispering to me,

‘Everyone gets lost now and then. I’m always proud of you’

I close my eyes and see your smiling face.

I hear your laughter and words of love.

You’re not really gone, you live on.

I missed you today, but then I found you

In my Heart and in my Soul.

im so sick and tired of remembering how i felt complete in his arms and then suddenly felt so broken and alone.. everyday of the week, whenever i feel alone, i just sit back and reminisce our past, how he made me feel so comfortable and safe in his side.. by the way, the "he" (mark eric) is my ex boyfriend.. i just can't forget how my father beated him down and still he tells my father that he loves me.. why can't my parents understand what i feel..? they just don't know how bad it feels to be left alone.. we decided to hold on though everyone in my family is against us.. we don't see each other for months and i still think that im his only one.. i was wrong... he haven't  texted me, returned my calls or even responded in all my offline messages to him for a month.. then suddenly his "girlfriend" texted.. she told me that she was his new girlfriend for three months that time.. i don't know how to react so i just called a guy friend of mine and my best friend to cry on to them, to tell them how bad it hurts.. i was able to talk to him on my cell hours after we broke up.. i asked him if he doesn't love me anymore.. he said, its not that i don't love you anymore, i just think that it's not working anymore, and besides, your parents doesn't like me.. that was the last time we talked.. i miss him so much.. that stupid bitch girl knows that me and my boyfriend is still on by the time that they started their relationship.. i just don't understand why they decided to keep it a secret to me.. my boyfriend told me that he don't want me to get hurt.. then why do such things like that..? they already knew i was gonna get hurt, they should've told me earlier so that i was able to move on a little bit faster.. now, i still think about him.. how we plan our future together and how we escape from the eyes of my parents just to see each other.. i miss his giggles whenever we share jokes and all,.. i miss the times we are together and happy, like nothing else matters and nobody can stop us  from doing what we want.. everything that i see connects to him,. i don't know what's wrong with me.. i still can't move on, though 8months has passed.. can anyone tell me how i can move on with my life..? im still living in the past and can't seem to get through.. im sick and tired of all this things...

 

thats my tragic, painful, kind of happy and bloody, yet inspiring experience with my ex boyfriend mark eric.. i hope my next relationship doesn't end like this.. im gonna make sure we're legal to my parents.. aarrgghh! i miss him so much..!!!

because if this happens again, i will not believe that love truly exists..

i hope i can forget him now..

i need to know how i can move on..

i want to know how i can be able to forget our happy memories..!

arrggh!!

 

im dying to know how..!!! can anyone tell me?

Can't believe I've not been in the lake all summer.

Can't believe how long it's been since I've been in the ocean.

I need the water. Maybe I'm a different kind of Big Fish, and I just begin to dry out. Maybe if I'd lived nearer to the water, I'd be in it often enough that I wouldn't miss it. But miss it I do, and I don't understand why.

It's where I belong. I'm not saying it's wrong for me to be here, but rather that there, that's the only word for it. I'm under the surface, and I belong. I'm comfortable there. I'm at peace. I'm home.

I don't know where it comes from. I've been raised in a family of runners, not mermaids. I don't even swim all that well, though I'd certainly like to. I've no explanation for what is, I only know what is.

When there's water nearby, I'm drawn to it. Not these little puddles, but great enough that you can see the way the light falls into it. I'm drawn to the mystery of dark waters that could be any depth and obscure any strangeness, but if they're clear enough that I can see what lies beneath, see the way the water moves, the light moves, imagine the feeling and the sounds once I'm down there - it's an overwhelming desire to be there. If I can see into the water, see that it can cover me and hold me, and I can play around down there and rest - I have to be there.

Most fascinating to me was a reservoir my Dad took us to. Much of the area around his hometown is riddled with granite quarries - this one had simply filled up over time. Two hundred feet deep, mostly straight walls, incredibly clear. From that experience, there's a picture or two of me diving as deep as I dared, to where you can just barely see the tone of my skin against the black of the depth (my suit is black and blue - doesn't help so much). It's an unreal feeling there, to be away from everyone else, and no one can catch you.

There's a dream I had once, that I dove down deep there, deeper than I'd ever gone before. Before, I'd always been afraid to swim too far down, because I couldn't see. Now, it didn't matter - I was where I belonged, and no one else could catch me, because they were all up top, within the first ten feet of the water, and they were too afraid to go down. And then I heard a shout, and running, and he came down in a strong, powerful dive. I don't know now who he was, but I knew him then. He's a better swimmer than I, and wasn't going to lose me - and he knew, if I swam as far down as I could go, that they'd never get me back. He's the one who caught me, and since he caught me, he could bring me back.

I don't understand my fascination with the water, with watching the waves and looking out to the sea. Maybe there's a secret in the mist, or maybe I just don't understand the ocean and want to puzzle it out. I do understand my obsession with not being captured. I'm not ready yet. There's still something more I have to do. And even then, I'll be a runner.

But given the choice of trail, I'd be where the woods meet the ocean, running fast along the side.

I Am A:
Daughter, Sister, Cousin, Niece, Wife, Mom, Aunt, Friend.....
Country girl through and through....
Quiet person until you get to know me.....
CHRISTIAN.....
I:
Love my immediate family which consists of my husband,son and daughter......
Love my extended family from my husband.....
Love my Mom,problems and all......
Love my brother........never thought we'd be so close!!!! .......
Have three very dear, special friends that I have had for a looonnnnggg time,
Almost 30 yrs- Peggy,Lisa And Carolyn.....
 Love CATS!!!..... Love animals period!..... Have fears.... Have Dreams.... Have love to give.... Like helping others....
Miss my kids being little and needing mommy!!! .........Miss Morgan- the laughter in my life.... Miss my little girl.....She looks so beautiful, always....
Miss my father-in-law.........
Miss my Dad,my confidant...................

This really is getting old. I'm sick of everything. I just want to sleep and sleep. I felt bad about this since the very beginning and I still went on with it. Now it's going back to the way it was, but things are changed forever. When two people go out, it can't go back to friendship the way it was before. Life doesn't work that way. Behind in school as well. I worked on homework all my march break. Some break, eh? How was everyone else's march break? A lot of people I know when to Cuba and The Dominican Republic and Carribean ,etc. I don't really like really hot places, but Cuba sounds nice. Che was from Cuba. He was hot. XD

I'm really starting to feel the gone-ness of my cousin, now. It's still somewhat hard to believe. So sudden, so random... my favourite cousin and childhood friend... I really miss him.

I need to get back to my work and go for a walk. See y'all.