Mental Health @ MindSay



 

   
Is there a reason I am so stupid?

Before age 12, I know, there were two and possibly three times I suffered severe brain concussions. Both, the ones I am aware of, involved my head striking concrete which caused unconsciousness and memory loss.

 

The first occured when I was maybe, maybe...maybe...I, Ireally don't know now that I stop to think of it.  Was it that they happened so close together that I may have been the same age for both? Could be.

 

Be that as it may I will not dwell on it here now because my inability discern the chronology and my ages at the time is really disconcerting for me. Indeed, it is upsetting bordering on nausea.

 

This matter has been a frequent topic of intrapersonal conversations [me talking to me] over time. My quandry is: to what degree, if any, have those two severe concussions impacted my mental ability and or capacity in cognigtive, emotional, intelligence or whatever functionality.

 

Truly, I feel strongly that I am lacking in some, if not several, realms of mental functioning. I find or have found, over the years, that somethings are beyond my comprehension when it seems, to me anyway, it seems others or even "everybody knows that" as some Chinese friends here are wont to and quick to point out. Yes, I often feel stupid about various things.  Yes, often and vividly consciously so.

 

It is like, "Why don't I know this? Why can't I comprehend this thing? If it is so clear to others why is my cognition so muddled?"   Then the adverse of all these questions is true. I mean, like: "If I know this thing to be so why do not others understand it as I do? Why is I can comprehend this and others are so mystified?" Like that; ya know?  - David

 

ps: DTG 08282249  I should mention the fact that coincidential to the concussions I was also belittled, demeaned and ridiculed by a sick, demented, emotionally and physically cruel abuse father who tagged me as "dizzy" and "stupid" with both vehemence and pleasure on his part.   - David

 

pps: DTG 08282257:33 Some causeality or significance to be attached to such treatmnet and upbringing? Ya think? Huh?     - David

 
 
   
 

Our mental health drop-in group flyer.
Mindsayflyer.jpg hosted for free by ImageShack


I was involved recently in starting this drop-in group for mental health service-users.  It's going well.

 
 
 

   
Seeking Mental Health Care is Encouraged, Army Psychiatrist Says

By Navy Lt. Jennifer Cragg

Special to American Forces Press Service

 

May 23, 2008 - Reducing the stigma related to servicemembers seeking mental health assistance is a total team effort that involves educating peers to look out for each other and encouraging those who might be reluctant to receive care, a senior military medical official said yesterday.  "Commanders and noncommissioned officers really play a critical role in eliminating stigma, especially the junior-level noncommissioned officers who are with the troops on a day-to-basis. They play a key role in this goal of decreasing stigma," Col. (Dr.) C.J. Diebold, chief of the psychiatry department at Tripler Army Medical Center in Hawaii, said in an interview on the "Dot Mil Docs" program on BlogTalkRadio.com.

 

He added that improving one's overall behavioral health by eating sensibly, getting exercise, and practicing good hygiene are key factors when facing stressful situations. "Behavioral health is important to everyone, as it directly affects how a person feels and acts," Diebold said.

 

He added that keeping up overall mental health is especially crucial when deployed to a combat zone.

 

"When one is deployed in a place like a combat zone, one must really maintain a really healthy lifestyle and a positive attitude to be able maintain good behavioral health," Diebold said.

 

Encouraging servicemembers to learn more about maintaining overall mental health for not only themselves, but also for their families, is just one of the elements highlighted in May, which is Mental Health Month.

 

"It jogs people's consciousness to recognize the importance of mental health, and hopefully that will continue throughout the entire year," Diebold said.

 

Many lessons have been learned by looking at mental health issues year-round, he added.

 

"One of the lessons learned over the past few decades is the importance of a servicemember's psychological well-being in terms of being able to perform their mission, but also the psychological well-being of their families," Diebold said. He added that servicemembers who may need assistance either during or after their deployment have a lot of different options to choose from.

 

"A servicemember could go to their unit chaplain, and I have talked with servicemembers over the years, and this is really the first place that a lot of people will go to," he said. "The chaplains are a very good way to go and be able to talk through some of the issues that are going on."

 

Diebold said still other outlets include talking with primary care providers, behavioral health professionals, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, family therapists, and alcohol- and substance-abuse counselors.

 

"The important thing to remember is that if a person is concerned that they may have experienced a traumatic event in theater and some other environment, and it is really affecting them, to go in and talk to a counselor [or] their primary care manager and get evaluated and get treated if it is indicated," Diebold said. "The sooner it's recognized and the sooner it is evaluated and treatment, the better a person is going to feel, and [it decreases] the chance that they may have long-term effects."

 

Servicemembers may encounter post-traumatic stress disorder or combat and operational stress during or after deployments, Diebold said.

 

"I think that it is now the longest continuous combat operations of any war besides the Revolutionary War, and we have had servicemembers deploying multiple times now," he said. "The stress that servicemembers and the families [are experiencing] have been well recognized, and that is why these special programs and bolstering of helping services have been implemented to help out."

 

Some of the symptoms associated with PTSD are nightmares, nervousness, anxiety or flashbacks. In contrast to PTSD, combat and operational stress reactions are short reactions to stress from being in the combat zone. Usually, combat and operational stress symptoms will resolve with rest, short-term counseling or sometimes simply on their own, he explained, whereas symptoms of PTSD can last a few days, months or even years.

 

Diebold added that the Department of Veterans Affairs has been working to find treatments for PTSD. Usually, with treatment, a servicemember affected by PTSD can return to active duty. Mental health professionals are deployed in theater to aid servicemembers who may be dealing with PTSD or know someone who is, he noted.

 

"Our mental health professionals are out there among the troops, educating the troops that this is an expected reaction and here are some of the things that you can do to help decrease some of your stress.

 

"Commanders and soldiers are being educated and being encouraged to go in and seek mental health treatment," he continued, "and leaders are encouraged to allow their soldiers time away from work ... to get evaluated and treated."

 

(Navy Lt. Jennifer Cragg works in the New Media branch of the Defense Media Activity.)

 
 
   
 

What if I was already dead and in hell, but just didn't know?
The movie "What Dreams May Come" has always placed that notion in my head...

The part when the wife has lost her husband, and both her kids to car accidents, so she kills herself and goes to hell. But no traditional hell..her own personal hell. She committed suicide, and suicides are destined to live over their torment over and over and they will never know what happened. I can't help but feel that's me. My whole life has been filled with deja-vu and odd coincidences that have lead me to think this. I know it sounds crazy and maybe it is, but I just can't help but think this way.

What if I am already in hell? What if I'm living over my life the same way until the moment I die? I'd say it's a fitting punishment, but what did I do? Don't I get some chance at redemption?

There are signs, "omens", if you want to call them that have been literally driving me insane. I have constant thoughts and memories of things that I haven't done yet, but I end up doing them. When I was 10 or so, I used to have thoughts that I'd end up in seeing a psychiatrist, and sure enough it happened. I remember a time when I thought I was going to end up in a psychiatric ward and sure enough, when I get home that's where my doctor wants to send me. There have been other strange things like the deja-vu that bother me. It happens frequently. Something will spark a thought "have I done this before? It seems too familiar for it to be happening again. I swear this has happened before."

And it never ends. I really think I'm losing my mind. And I don't think it's something new. I'm pretty sure I've been losing myself for a long time now...
 
 
 

   
always a deadline, always too late.
I'm scheduled to leave here may 28th. So that leaves me this whole week to get everything closed down. But I'm living in a filthy apartment. There's old food and bottles scattered everywhere. I haven't washed clothes in over a month. I haven't showered in a week or so now. And there's so much to do before I can leave. I don't even know how I can leave...but that's all I care about it is just leaving everything behind and going home. I slept all day today, because I was up all night worrying about how I was going to get this all done.

I still have to close my internet contract
close both bank accounts
de-register at the university
de-register at the local Rathaus
close apartment contract and move out.

The problem with the day I leave is as follows:

Flight leaves at 10am.
Must leave Bamberg by train by at least 7am to get to Nuremberg by 8am for check-in.
Which means I have to return my key to the Hausmeister exactly at 6am-6:15am. Which I don't even know if he's going to be willing to do that. So of course I'm worried now that I'll miss my flight back home and be stranded here. I don't even know how to get from my apartment to the trainstation...I suppose I could call a taxi or something, but I'm just not confident enough.

So much more pressure to add to the pressure already...I'm just feeling hopeless again. My doctor finally replied to my email and now he's worried about about my life right now. My family found out I suppose about the whole wrist-cutting from the doctor so now they're worried.

There's just so much to do, and not enough will-power to do it all.
 
 
   
 

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Latest Comment
Re: Feed the Children (Book of Lies) - haha I love that one too. They just know how to say it best!

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