Mental Break @ MindSay 
Well...today...instead of being my hyper,random self...I have been very quiet..In other words...EMO....and Tara thinks there is something wrong with me..well there was something wrong with me to begin with,but that's not my point...I don't know I think I'm suffering from dehydration...and mental shut down due to lack of sleep and just plain lag from spring break...IT STILL HASN'T WORN OFF.... .... ...DAMMIT!!!!Anywayz...sorry just a simple case of mental break down...SHIT!!!NOW THE FREAKIN FACE PAINT IS COMING OFF ON MY FINGERS AND MAKES ME LOOK LIKE I'M BLEEDING TO DEATH.....YAY....well....I'm going to stop talking now.....I feel very........and oddly.....depressed....and for ppl who might just ask....NO IT'S NOT MY TIME YET(of the month)....ok..Bleh...I NEED HUGZ....... ... ...
I GOT A HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!but I'm still the same....
I've had a lot of thoughts in my mind. I've decided that my brain is like a volcano- It builds up with all this shit, releases it, it runs around everywhere like the contents of a raw egg, and then it builds up again. Now it is in the process of running everywhere like the contents of a raw egg. I consider this the time when my mind is most free because everything is possible, and yet much of it will get to me. I've considered the possibility that people here on mindsay can easily make shit up to play on people's emotions and if that's the case, I've accepted that as an option and won't be too hurt or surprised if it turns out to be the case. I've thought about how I'm kind of mad and irritated at some one, yet the story probably isn't worth looking into because it will be full of shit. Things just come and go to me, float around me. I'm 19 now, nearing my 20s. I know I mentioned a couple days ago that this is the typical onset time for schizophrenia and major depression, although I think schizophrenia might be a little older in women. What would it be like to discover that none of this is real? And how far back did everything become just a figmant of a shattered mind? When I'm in this "runny egg" stage I think about those things a lot. Am I in danger? Maybe not. As far as my mom knows, I'm the first case of mental illness in our family. I guess I should take some sick pleasure in being the first officially crazy one, huh?
In other news, there was this thing after my last class with the president of our university. It was a waste of my time, and it would have been even if my opinion could have been heard. Unfortunately there was a group of students in the back who let their emotions take control. A lot of people don't like our president and think he's an idiot, and I agree, but if you're just going to sit there and yell at him he's not going to be responsive, and they probably ruined the possibility of any future things like this happening. It was funny, though, because he tried to be polite, in a sense, during the talk, and he said things like, "I don't like using stereotypes, but there's some truth to all of them" and blah blah blah. However, then when some of the more polite students, like myself, who never had a chance to say anything talked to him afterwards, he was incredibly rude. If he'd given me that shit I would have ripped him the fuck apart. There was one guy who was very kind and very well tempered, and our president just stood there and told him that he was ignorant and arrogant and that, "a lot of young people are like that." If you don't want to work with "young people" then don't, and cut the fucking bullshit and lies, bitch.
Ha, Grifin just asked that asshole Mike where I've been and that he never sees me anymore. I wonder fucking why. Oh well, I have important work that I need to do anyway. I need to write and print my self evaluation for English as well as the rest of my portfolio tonight. After I post this I'll probably go over to the library and do that. When I'm typing here I get distracted with all the pretty things online. If I just do it at the library, maybe that won't be such a problem. I still have a headache and I'm still feeling sick, though. My voice doesn't hurt that much, but it still sounds like a piece of shit when I use it. My nose keeps getting stuffy and I keep drinking water. I really hope that this isn't Strep Throat, cuz damn it I want to have sex with J again sometime this week! lol. Sadly, though, if I feel like this tomorrow I won't be able to see my therapist. There's no way that I'll have the energy to walk the half hour there and then walk back. Reanna might take me to town tomorrow night to buy laundry detergant and stuff (when I was at the discussion with our president she called me to ask if i wanted to go, but she went after that anyway) so I hope she'll go through with it this time. I think that's pretty much everything I need to say. Sick, tired, stressed, and a lava dome of depression starting to build itself back up. That's always the first thing I feel after I manage to get everything out. Only now I know I'll get through it.
