Men @ MindSay

• skanky outfits or none at all
• big breasts
• some cuteness

for most men, not sexy means:

• complicated clothes
• non-erotic rebel looks
• too much cuteness
  

Lately, for what ever cosmic reason, several of those dear to me have been wrestling with this age old issue. Love is never subjective and rarely cut and dried. It is instead purely concerned with our pleasure sensors, that part of us which dares to dream and to try, that deep seated need to be part of a vague completeness, that we ourselves, are not enough in our totality.

The following scenarios are taken from recent communications. (I’ve altered certain things and omitted others. Some may or may not recognize pieces of themselves in which case I apologize in advance, I mean no disrespect.) I felt rather compelled for some odd reason to make some what I am afraid will be ramblings on the subject.

Scenario One

He’s honest and loyal, treats you like a queen and has the means to do it. He is rather set in his ways, a child of the forests and seasons, but you think that if you could polish this rough diamond up just a bit he’d be just perfect. He has been starving for love for a very long time and for a short while he allows you your ‘improvements’. Soon it wears thin, he is after all a MAN, and men secure in their ways often do not do changes well. It goes against their grain so to speak, and there is the ultimate rebellion, rejection and retreat to lick their wounds.

The truly sad part is that most women of today when faced with a man (or woman) steeped in the ways of nature, go about killing the wildness, the very thing which attracted them first about this person. They do this with the best of intentions, mistakenly believing that their actions arise out of love.

Once you are set in your ways, it is very difficult to adapt yourself to another person. Love has nothing to do with it; sheer co-existence can be a challenge.  Had they accepted the person for who and what they truly are, they would find much of what they are looking for.

Scenario Two

A young woman of my acquaintance is married with 3 young children whom she adores. Her spouse is in the military and was deployed overseas. Prior to his leaving, they discussed divorce and not for the first time. While he was gone she fell in love with someone else. The spouse came home unexpectedly to find another man in his house, bed and with his wife and children.

Needless to say he did not take it well. He is now back overseas, and the young woman and her lover are dealing with the aftermath. They truly care for each other; the marriage is over in her view. The lover just wants the best for her and the kids.  The husband says that no one is going to take his wife without a fight. He’s using the threat of taking the kids away forever with no visitation rights as a weapon to ensure her compliance. All three are flirting with disaster, all in the name of love. My primary concern is the children and yet my heart aches for them, and that includes the husband who hasn’t a clue why the woman he loves has done a 1-80 on him.

Scenario Three

Someone says that you are the only one they will ever love, they alternate between threats that if they can’t have you no one will, to threatening suicide if you don’t return their affections. You are convinced that they are more than half serious in these comments and take steps. You may begin to carry a weapon, change your name, phone number and move, change jobs, and avoid places that he knows you like. He finds you, hires people to help him do so, documents your every move. Any new endeavor or friend is a threat and therefore must be eliminated or otherwise neutralized. You become more paranoid, your ‘spider senses’ tingle and you dread the moment that the other shoe will drop. You know that it will, just not when.

This is not love. This is obsession and fixation and a dangerous one at that. RUN - do not walk where someone can assist you. If no one will listen or believe you, continue to document on your own, keep records, seek professional assistance, be it police, support groups, whatever.

Scenario Four

 You’ve been with him for some time now. Most nights he falls asleep in front of the TV with a beer. You clean up; put the kids if there are any, to bed. He doesn’t offer to help and expects to be waited on, to have his dinner delivered. He doesn’t ask about your day but often tells you about what a crappy one he has had. You’re tired, he’s sat on his ass, lord king and mayor of his domain. You are the chief cook, bottle washer, maid, nanny, chauffer, nurse, and accountant. You go to bed, seeking that most divine of all elusive things…sleep. You wonder where the romantic man you married who used to help you, who used to kiss you and hold your hand went. The insensitive man in the other room bears little or no resemblance to the man you remember and who captured your heart.

Later he may come to bed. He may or may not wake you up to fuck, you can’t call it lovemaking. He rolls off you grunting and starts snoring. This too is not love. This is the day to day existence which sucks dry the very well-spring which feeds love. Love needs to be worked at; it doesn’t just grow by itself. Does he love her? He may or he may not, and often doesn’t even have a clue why she has her ‘moods’. Does she love him? As he becomes more and more insensitive a thousand little ‘wrongs and slights’ begin to chip away at any feelings for him she has left.

Scenario Five

They are the other half of your soul, true soul mates. You both know it. It’s never been like this before, tho the two of you have never met. You’ve exchanged countless emails, and telephone calls. Perhaps even sent photos or shared web-cams. Their voice makes you melt. Every waking moment you day dream of them and the wonderful life the two of you will share. You are ready to give up anything just to be with them.

This first flush, is this love? Are there indeed soul mates? Is that what love truly is - the compulsion to find that individual who completes you somehow? Put to the test of time, will this last? When you meet will each of you past the test and end up where joint hopes and dreams have led you both?

And should it for some reason not end up on the path you had hoped and dreamed for. In disappointment do you cut all ties because it didn’t measure up to your expectations? Will you miss out on the friendship, the sharing of your lives because they weren’t ‘the one’ after all? What a waste.

Someone once told me a story about man's preocupation with that emotion. The Gods, afraid that man would one day be greater than the Gods themselves, voted that humanity be exterminated. The Goddess of Love who was herself in love with a mortal man, threw down her mirror and when it shattered decreed that each man and each woman would have their souls split into as many pieces as her mirror. That each soul would be too busy searching for the other pieces of itself that humanity wouldn’t have time to challenge the power of the Gods.

Thus each of us search our whole lives looking for that special someone, the other half of our souls, and this is the search for love. Perhaps this explains why some people love many, we find bits and pieces in several different individuals.  Regardless, true love remains the greatest of our emotions, from which spring self-sacrifice, loyalty, dedication, passion.

Perhaps it is, who knows?

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On 8 March 2005

Hi everybody,

This is something that I did awhile back. I just ran across it while I was cleaning out my desk, and thought that someone out there might like to read it. So here it is Boo.

Damn you horny little stud you! Oh, hell yes that's a heck of a lot better. Damn baby your pretty fucking good at this shit. I really liked the part where you man handled me, turned me around and ass fucked me!

You must have known that I really do love taking a big fat long hard cock up deep into my ass hole. That, and deep throat are my two most favorite things to have done to me.

I was standing in front of you naked. You were kissing my titties, holding them in your hands, squeezing them ever so softly as you nibbled on my nipples.

You slid your hands down my sides to my hips, then back around me and grabbed my ass checks and pulled me in tight against your naked body as you gently sucked a tiny hickey on my tit.

As you brought your hands back to my hips you gave them an easy downward push. I knew that this was my signal to drop to my knees in front of you because you were ready for me to service your stiffening manhood.

I kissed your neck and dragged my tongue down across your chest, stopping for a moment to lick and suck your stiffening nipples.

I reached down between your legs with both hands and found your cock. My eyes grew wide in amazement at how large it had grown and how hard it had become.

My thumbs are across the top if your dick and my fingers are circling downward capturing your nuts and fondling them as I go. I lick and kiss my way down your hard belly as I slowly sink to my knees.

I am kneeling before you in a very submissive dick sucking posture. I hold your nuts in my hands, squeezing then softly as I bring them to my lips. I stare lovingly up at you as my mouth opens and my hott wet tongue darts out and licks your sack.

You flinch and give your groan of approval "Gaaaa,Bitch", I hear you saying "Your fucking good".

Now that I know I am pleasing you I suck one of your testicles gently into my mouth as you raise your body up onto your tiptoes to give me better access to your sack. "Suck those fucking nuts bitch" is what you tell me to do and I comply with your demand.

I have slurped and slobbered on your cods for several minutes when you put your hand under my chin and nudge my face slightly up. As I stare up into your eyes you take your other hand and offering me your swollen rod say "Be a good fucking slut Wendy", and "Suck on this for me".

I lick my way from your sack to the base of your rod and slowly lick and slobber all along the entire length of your shaft. I stare into your eyes the entire time looking for signs of your approval.

You say "Mmmmm, good fucking girl Wendy" And I smile at you as my tongue licks the tip of your rock hard cock. I circle the head several times, you moan,"Gaaaaa,daam,Bitch your fucking mouths hott".

I move my lips slowly onto the head of your cock as I stare into your eyes. You reach out and take my face in your hands, your thumbs are on my cheeks and your finger tips are at the back of my jaw bone.

You are slowly coaxing my face up and onto your throbbing dick as you grin down at me telling  me "You like that big dick don't you Wendy?"

I try to answer but as I start to open my mouth you forced the head completely into my mouth "Blurph! Glumbfph! Splurbph!" is all that I have a chance to say as you quickly fill my young mouth with your manhood.

I can feel that you are really starting to enjoy this blow job as you keep putting pressure on the back of my jaw bone and coaxing my face forward. I start to take control of your cock as I push your hands away and start to swallow even more of your hard meat.

You have started to fuck into my hott wet mouth as I slobber all over your dick and balls. Now you are holding me by the back of my head and really starting to drive that cock deeper into my face.

Oh god I fucking love it as you become frantic and face fuck the dog shit out of my mouth, driving all of that massive meat deep into my face and all the way down into my throat.

Your banging my face relentlessly, jamming all of that long hard cock into my mouth, when in a fucking mind blowing frenzy you completely bury my face in your crouch, gaging me with your dick and holding my head so tightly to you that I thought It would pop as you let out a loud cry "Cuuuuummmmiinng,Gaaaa".

I could feel the savage muscular contractions as they ripped through your body as you're cock begain to unload, gushing out one huge gooey wad of steaming hott cum after another as your fucking nuts pumped out all of your hott salty giz deep down into my throat as I began gasping, gagging, and fucking sputtering,"splurph,mlumph,blubb,gluub", and almost fucking barfed trying to swallow it all down without loosing a drop.

I had counted fifteen of those contractions as your balls pumped themselves dry, squirting blast after hott juicy blast of your thick gooey giz into my horny cum hungry mouth as you kept filling it with your delishous hott sperm.

But I took it all in and I didn't loose a single fucking of your tasty hott cum as I swallowed all of your hott gooey fucking cookies down.

Your load is now spent and you try to withdraw, but I hold you're prick buried firmly in my throat untill all of your spasume have compleately subsided.

You twitch and jerk and slam my face full into your crotch as I keep your dick in my mouth, milking it down with my fingers as I slurp, and suck hard to get to that very last drop of your precious love juice.

"Whew" I don't do a lot of these cyber blow jobs because it takes so long. But you had given me a fairly decent ass fucking earlier so I wanted to repay the favor.

♥ Wendy

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There comes a time in someone's life when they become sexually aware of themselves. For many it's as young as middle school, for others, it's college. There are so many different factors that make you aware. But in this case: it was simply time and abandonment and a boy who wanted to go just a little farther.

Masturbation. When you feel the need to release some sexual tension, it's there. You don't worry about getting pregnant or an STD, and you can do it anywhere. Once you reach orgasm it's like a whole new world opens up. You work hard to make it last for longer than a few seconds, seeing what new toys you can use. But when it's over, you're all alone. Left hollow and swollen, all to yourself. Is that really the picture of what sexual actions should end up being?

Sexuality between the sexes. There are boys and girls who are more promiscuous than others. Some are quite content to hold hands, others want a make-out session on the couch. It's just how it goes... And unfortunately when one is awakened to their own sexuality, and subsequently the opposite sex's sexuality, the tension becomes greater and greater.

Love for sale.

My story is a simple one... Ish. I was born and raised in a family that valued individuality and purity. I was the oldest child, so I got into trouble a lot for exploring things I shouldn't explore and consequently being irresponsible. I turned to boys around 8th grade. They were exciting and different and they told me I looked pretty! Nothing serious happened except that I'd sneak out to hold hands with my boyfriend of age 16 that no one knew about... or I'd sat on a boys lap while wading around in a pool at a swim meet... Nothing major. Though I felt something brewing.

With each step you take closer to a member of the opposite sex and have sexual things on your mind, that's two steps backward in your self-love and purity.

Eighteen and a half. I was struggling in school, getting bored with my community college antics... I wasn't having any fun, just work and school and swimming at 5 in the morning. It was a routine I wanted to kick. Until I met some college kids at a local church. Harmless right? One of them, we'll call him Brad, was the one who got me started going. He was a friend of a friend and a pretty nice guy... After hanging out in a group setting just once, he asked me out on a date. Desperate for some semi-normal attention from a "good" guy, I immediately jumped the gun and took it as dating, not just a date. My mistake completely. I barely knew him! And he me! It was not how things should have gone...

But, without officially dating, we got physically close. At first it was just sitting next to eachother at the Super Bowl, or him grabbing my knee when we drove back home. Harmless, right? No. We broke up over some dumb stuff he'd said to a co-worker, and I thought he was out of my life forever. This kid didn't give up. We became friends again and not even a week into being friends we begin to flirt again. Alls harmless right? No. A few hugs. A few random holding hands. Oh, and a few kisses on the face, the neck, the ears, the arms... It got intense. I told him I didn't want any kisses on the lips cause I wanted to save that for when I got married.

About this time, I started with Masturbation. I don't even know how it started! I think I was YouTubing some Lesbian stuff... I just started doing it and what do you know. That's what those urges were. That's what those underlying needs were for. Yet every time I did it I felt empty and like crap. Yet I continued to do it.

After Brad and I started to get serious, again, I quit. But I had another outlet. His biggest turn on was sucking on his fingers, weird right? But it would turn him on so much that he'd start kissing my ears and licking my ears and as gross as that sounds it's down right amazing. There were a few times he'd felt up my whole leg almost, while I was wearing jeans, and almost gave me a hicky on several occassions. Sometimes he'd become what seemed like a completely different person and it scared me as he'd stroke my cheek, then my arms, then my stomach, etc... Then he'd stop and I'd pray it was one of those things that was a once in a lifetime deal. And yet I liked it. No, I loved it. I begged for more.

One such morning I begged for more... It was Sunday, raining, dreary. He had been out of town all weekend visiting his brand new neice in Texas. I had missed him so much and I was struggling with studying for Finals that May so I had to see him. He said he wasn't going to church though, but I should stop by his house before I went. So I left early enough to see him for awhile. He was fast asleep. The only one in his house. At first I sat on the edge of the bed, but then he asked me to lay down beside him, spooning I guess. I ended up skipping church and staying with him for a very very long time. I don't know how it even happened, but somehow I got to be straddling him as he laid down... He started moving his pelvis, joking I guess, but then liking it. It's called dry humping for those of you who don't know. We had 5 layers between us, but I could feel it all.

I won't forget him saying, "Go Baby, go Baby, go!" as we were humping... It felt so good. I even orgasmed. And then when it was done I laid down on his chest and he told me over and over again how much he loved me. He folded over my tank top so he could see my stomach, and almost folded it over the whole way so he could see my bra. But didn't... I finally left, because I had to.

We were so obsessed with sex. We talked about it. We joked about it. We thought we were getting married so what was the harm? Looking back, it was only inevitable that Sunday morning happened.

And needless to say, I got caught. My parents some how found out I wasn't at church and knew that Brad and I had broken some rules, though they didn't know what rules we'd broken.

I felt dirty. Slutty. Trampy. Worthless. Ashamed. Guilty. Any synonym you can think of. The girl who'd been raised to be pure and be presented to her Future Husband as such was just a whore. Who was begging for that satisfaction. And why? What need was there?!

I'd like to say I figured it out, well I have actually. It's about putting God as our need for satisfaction and love. He's our free love! All we do is give of ourselves, our bodies. And yet, it's so hard.

I've failed everyone around me. I turn to God and then masturbate. This whole summer I've done that. I feel so horrible inside when I'm done! Yet I continue...

The other night I almost made out with Brad. Why? Maybe I'm emotional. Maybe I'm just trying to insert him into my life because he's not perfect. God is perfect and he's capable of taking care of me no matter what. Brad, on the other hand, just wants my boobs. He's imperfect and stumbles and I can blame him for my problems. But with God, there is no temption that can seize me. If I just give him control...