Meditation @ MindSay

We all do it. Standing in line. Slowpoke in front of you on a two lane highway. Late for work/school. Bored. Computer issues. Children/spouse/parent  issues. Bosses/employees. Let's face it, during the next 24 hours there is bound to be something that will irritate or stress us out. We have all heard that we cannot change others and sometimes not even the circumstances themselves, but we can change ourselves and our reactions, right?

In order to make my life more of a attitude of gratitude I have decided to STOP, take a deep breath and think of the positive of the situation that I am, something to be grateful about.

< insert live in progress example  > Just as I typed this, my two 15 week old puppies were chewing on a bone under my chair. Or so I thought. Apparently the added flavor of the little scatter rug adds to the fun. It is now a stringy mess in that one section. Initial and usual response... "argh... now it's ruined!" turned to..."(deep breath) At least it wasn't the hardwood floor, and I am so glad I have these puppys to enjoy" < end of life example >

Ok, so not every situation will be as easy as that. And I may end up half way thru my normal response before I remember to even breathe. But this is my intention for the week. Anyone care to join me? By practicing gratitude and positive thinking stress won't have room to take root in my mind, body or soul.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is fair, whatever is pure, whatever is acceptable, whatever is commendable, if there is anything of excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy-keep thinking about these things.-Philippians 4:8 International Standard version

Love and Laughter,

I figure I should write something so that my overly dramatic blog isn't the top one on the list. :)

Well, today isn't too exciting thus far. Nice, cool and rainy. I slept in way too late this morning. Then again I didn't go to bed till 4:30ish so I think I deserved to sleep till noon. Now I'm trying to refresh my Spanish so that I can visit my high school teacher. I don't know what I'm going to do if they can't get me into a Spanish class first semester. I'm going to a tiny school and yet some how my schedule is completely fucked. Oh well, I'm tired of thinking about my stupid college decisions. I'll just have to study a lot on my own I guess...

I've been on this quest to learn to meditate, which I'm not sure is one of those things you actually learn so much as just develope your own style. I've just been sitting in my living room (in the basement where it's cool), listening to music, and trying to listen to my breathing. I enjoy doing it because eventually get to the point where I just think without conciously forcing the topics on to my mind. My goal has been to meditate for half an hour a day, but I usually end up getting to cold and have to find a blanket or I cry (yes that is how dramatic I am, sorry). Too much free thought leads me to be super emotional for some reason.

Okay, its time for me to cram on Spanish verb endings; enough random rambling here for now.

Ay coño! No me toques pero un poco.  Venga mas cerca mija pero alli estas.  Man rest in the meadows of meditation and thought only to feel the wind pass his face, the air streaming through his nostrils, and release of contentment in his breath.  We face the world in front of us while confronting a world behind us.  It is at times impossible for us to look down at our feet and see the ground on which we stand.  At times, it is as solid as concrete, other times soft like sand, and more often a mix like mud that allows a little room to move, but still maintains immobilization.  Our contemplation, at least mine, rest in understanding what has placed me on such questionable ground.  I try to move about, but my feet are planted.  Sometimes I have more movement and at times one foot is set free.  There is solid ground ahead of me and quick sand behind and all the while the world is spinning back and forth switching from the past to the future.  How am I to negotiate such rapid change and uncertainty in grounding?  I look to myself and my heart as a guiding emotional logic for understanding what must be done in myself and with others.  This perplexes and simultaneously frees me in knowing that I may be alone in companionship, but surrounded by evidence of meaning and purpose.  Which do I choose and should I have to?  Is it not possible to have both?  I look to the historical biographies of great men involved in deep thought, contemplation, and resolution and they are for the most part married to their thought more than a person.  If they had partners they were not remembered, yet their minds and meaningful quests have outweighed themselves and the significant interests.  Some may call them mad and obsessed while others call them committed.  Perhaps they are mad and should be committed.  I, as well as man I believe, dabble on the boundaries of insanity and in sundry limbo, all while pursuing what we hope to be our cause.  We really lead life undirected and without any real knowing of what is or should be.  Perhaps this is the greatest and most exciting burst of ecstasy we can experience.  The thrill ride of not knowing but hoping that we will not be disappointed.  Between here and there, yet never any where is where I think I’ll always be.  I have come to the idea that there is something more important than me in this world.  I am not a servant nor a savior, but a humble man in search of what I believe to be a balance and harmony among man and nature.

I must admit that there is something really compelling about seeing a nice photo of me and my husband slapped up on the internet as couple of the year- almost as nice as seeing my cat up here. somehow the magazine format gives it extra authenticity that a plain photo doesn't have. and isn't that the nature of the illusion we call life?

I managed to get back into my meditation practice yesterday afternoon. I set the silent gong timer for 39 minutes and it felt like an effing eternity. I started at a warm beach and morphed into  to repeating silently "oh my back hurts when is this going to end?" 

and abster scratched on the door to get into  my meditation snuggery  (pictured above)  and then once let in she scratched to get out. cats are no dummies.

My lithium crystal finally got here!  While it isn't the most beautiful rock in my collection, it is certainly one of the most interesting.