Matt @ MindSay 
zach
I don't know. I love Ellen so much, that I read her message that she was engaged and I just started crying. I love Matt, and I wish I knew him better, because he makes my Ellen so happy, and now, they're truly going to be together forever. They make me so happy; I hope that someday everyone gets to meet someone they can give themselves to that completely.
Of course, the tears might be SLIGHTLY LINKED to the fact that I've spent the whole afternoon thinking/talking about how I don't have a job and might not be in New York this upcoming year, and how it's not looking good and how much I don't want to be up here, but it also isn't. I'm done being selfishly involved in my own problems. It hasn't gotten me anywhere. Instead, I'm going to think about other people, and be truly happy for them, or really be there for them with things that aren't so great right now.
I really, really like him. And he's good at handling situations that could otherwise turn very ugly. The way he handled everything today surprised me (in a good way), and I'm so thankful for him. Other people would have continued to let the situation escalate until it was blown out of proportion and we became more and more angry with each other, but not him. After a few minures of confusion, he looked at me very earnestly and apologized. No lies, no excuses, just an "I'm sorry." And that meant the world to me. I wanted to hug him so badly right then, standing there in the instrument room. He's continued to surprise me as we've grown closer lately, and I like it a lot. I knew he was a really nice guy, but I didn't except things to be this nice =D.
I want to tell him.
And he walked me to my car today just so he could walk with me. It was so sweet. Then he had to turn around and walk back to the school. He didn't have to come, but he chose to, and it was something small but it really did mean so much to me.
So I'm feeling pretty good right now except for that calculus test tomorrow.
I just wanted to post it on here, too, since you've continued to read this...
I changed my profile picture. Yes, that is a picture of Mikko and I kissing. Funny though...my dad saw it and his reaction was: "Stop! You know you can get diseses from kissing! You can get A.I.D.S.!"
Ugh.
Last year Mikko had a bunch of tests taken on him in the hospital for some reason, and they tested him for that and its known that he is disease-free. Besides, my dad is a total hipocrit. Obviously he has kissed my Mom, and I'm pretty sure he doesnt have any diseases. So when he said that, I just said "So your telling me that Robert has never kissed HIS girlfriend?" at that point he just stopped...hes just overreacting. *Sigh*. Oh well. Parents will be parents.
So pretty much things are going fairly well. Today though when I got up at 1:30pm, i looked at my wrist where the braclet that Mikko gave me last week should be (hehe:)) and it was gone...so at that point i paniced and sat up in my bed..and there i found it underneath me..broken. But, i managed to easily fix by putting a knot in the string through a loop of it, so it actually fits alot better now (before it was so big that it had to be wrapped around my watch just so it wouldnt fall off). Above is a picture of it i took yesterday before it broke. I love it. Everynight I fall asleep holding the metal peice pretending that its his hand (as corny as that sounds lol:)). And this weekend Im borrowing his sweater, and I fell asleep in it, and when i woke up and i saw that I was wearing it..it almost felt as if that he had his arms wrapped around me. Yes, I'm getting girly and cutesy, but really..thats what it almsot felt like to me. Even though I'm only 15 and can be nieve, I think that I'm in love with him...
In other news, exams are in a week and a half (ugh:|) so tonight im catching up with all my homework and getting study notes prepared..that is, after i hang out with Matt (havent hung out with him in months, and hes one of my best friends:|:() So today should be busy...so maybe i should take that as my cue to go and get things started...
-:)Kristal 
So i gave blood today at school, well tried to. I sat there hooke dup an hour and only managed to drain like 1/4 a pint. it was rediculous. In the matt world, we went to breakfast on sunday andhe asked me to go to the movies, no popcorn throwing this time. I know he is the person writing the messages on socialmoth anonymously. they are always so sad or about how he isnt over erica. i wish, i could help him... i wish he could know for sure that i would never do to him what she did. How can you date someone for 2 years and then just cheet on them for no reason right in front of them. You would have to have steel balls. and i feel like its compleatly changed the person he was, he used to be so happy go lucky and optomistic. But i know what that feels like to have someone do that to you, i know all too well exactly what it feels like, look this is what he wrote:
Your my first thougt in the morning
My last thought before bed
I loved you more than anything else in my life
And I was even going to ask you to wed.
In one day my entire world was destroyed
2 years later i'm begining to heal
In all this time of pain and tortue, one thought in my head
Why does this have to be so real?
I love you, I really do...
arg, i dont know what to do, i know i should just wait, but its hard just being a friend, and i want him to move on but i know its only going to happen if he wants it to. I know hes dated like 3 girls since erica, and i think it all ended horribly, and i still want to be his friend, and is he really sleeping with julia(like its any of my business) and what is he making me for xmas, will he make me anything. God i have it bad for him..... and the truth is im not compleatly over my lost relationship with fabio, but i have to be strong because he will be here for xmas and wants me to hang out with him and take some snapshots, so idk
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