Marry @ MindSay

Not uncommon in debates, is a polarisation between two opposing sides: one that seeks radical change, and another that prefers to conform to tradition. Often, a more rational position can be attained by understanding the positions presented by each side, and finding a logical midway point that does justice to whatever merit each argument has.

At first glance, same-sex marriage appears to be a textbook example of such an argument. However, on closer inspection, I find it difficult to even positively assess one side's viewpoint, let alone incorporate aspects of it within my own opinion.

Perhaps I should explain exactly what my view is.

My firm belief is that, in a utilitarian society (which, in most aspects, Western nations clearly resemble), the concept of enforcing a system that limits human rights, despite there being no evidence of the alternative causing significant personal harm or societal damage in any way, is absurd. And yet, this is the current situation in Australia - there is no universal legal recognition of same-sex couples, certainly not on equal par with that granted to heterosexual couples, should they choose to formally commit to each other.

I would like to address some of the major arguments opposing my view, to show just how weak the current governmental and societal paradigm is.

One such argument claims that, as marriage is primarily the domain of monogamous couples, and (most likely reflecting a lack of awareness about homosexuality on the arguer's part) that monogamy is not really an aspect of the 'gay' lifestyle. This assumption, even if it were true, is completely irrelevant - for, even if the majority of homosexuals did indeed prefer promiscuity, that is no reason to bar the remainder from exercising their desire to commit to the (theoretically) unconventional lifestyle. Indeed, if there was only one couple who desired to be legally united, I do not see why their rights should be denied because of the preferences of others.

Another argument states that marriage entails the right to parent children, and is thus inappropriate for homosexuals, as the ideal environment for a child to be raised is with two parents representing each sex. This proposition is seriously flawed, as it ignores the fact that single-parent families are far from uncommon in this day and age. One might counter that such a situation is far from ideal, but the fact remains that the law grants the single mother the right to be parent to her child - how then can it be logically argued that it would be less desirable if the single mother was replaced by two mothers, or two fathers?

Indeed, there is little logical basis to even suggest that heterosexual parents are in any way more adept at raising children than their homosexual counterparts. While it is true that heterosexual parenthood is the natural order, the fact is that advanced technology, changes in gender roles and highly available information give homosexual parents as much chance as heterosexual parents of  raising children in a healthy, positive environment.

The last major argument appeals to religion, but I choose to discard this completely - after all, the tenet of the separation of church and state is one that predates this debate by centuries, and thus, religious opposition should have no impact on the making of laws.

In conclusion, there seems to be little, if any credence to arguments against same-sex marriage, and neither does there seem to be a reason why it is not yet a wholly accepted part of society. This is a situation that must change - and soon.

It was like a fairy tale, everybody in the family got along for Cal's and my wedding day, the 26th of October.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but towards the end of my vows I choked up, but I was able to get them out.  But I was able to make all the women in the room cry, awww...

I don't even know what to say, it was amazing :)

I am to be wed on the 26th of October :O

Cal is getting ancy...it's so close, I can't even comprehend it!

The baby is sapping quite a bit of my energy too, and hopefully I can still fit into my dress by then, I know I'm going to start showing here very soon.

We're just getting married by a judge, with immediate family and my two best friends there (along with Cal's best man too). 

We've been cleaning house a TON to prepare.  It's so hard to get motivated :O

But I must autocross to work :P J/k, no more autocrossing until the baby is born :(  But I can still watch :)

I told my parents that Cal and I were getting married, and soon enough Cal and I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat at our next visit.  My mom got choked up and remembered how excited she was at the visit she first heard my heartbeat...:):)

 

Little did I know when I heard the deep sexy voice on the end of the phone line that this man would later be my husband.

Having left my second husband and moving back to Modesto, CA. (I realize I haven't gotten this far in the life story, but I will) I went to work for a temp agency where I was placed in a receptionist job.  The first call I put through was to the Chief of Maintenance ... Dave W.  Now I didn't screen his call properly and even though he had one nice voice I was getting my butt chewed for not screening like I should have. 

Later that day ... here comes this long haired grubby looking guy in coveralls and a knit cap across the parking lot.  As he enters I make note that he's grubby but very nice looking, very handsome underneath the grub.  He's 6'5" and he leans on the counter and introduces himself.  It's the maintenance dude that had chewed me out earlier.  I am wearing my wedding rings on my right hand.

Him:  "You married?"
Me:  "Separated"  "You?"
Him:  "Separated"  "Any kids?"
Me:  "NO".  "You?"
Him:  "Three .... That I know of"

And he turns and walks out the door.

Now that last reply pissed me off.   Arrogant ass.  Who in the hell does he really think he is????

Through his secretary who I had become friends with he was getting details such as where I lived (a block over from him), dating status, what I did over the weekend .... shit like that.  Little did he know that she had told me of his prying so I would always pump it up a bit.  I still thought he was an ass.  Then at lunch one day came the question:

Secretary:  "Do you think you would go out with Dave?"
Me:  "Did he ask you to ask me that?"
Her:  "Yes, but don't you say anything to him!"
Me:  "Tell him that if he wants to know if I'll go out with him .... to ask me himself"

Later that day he came in an needed a ride home, supposedly anyway.  So I gave him one.  We talked and actually got along and had a few laughs on the way home. He then asked me to the company Christmas party.  I said sure. 

But prior to that he would accompany me on my second job at night which was serving eviction papers, divorce papers and other court summons.  Most times this would take me into not so nice neighborhoods.  I appreciated him riding with me at night and being my "bodyguard" so to speak.  We were becoming really good friends.  He wasn't quite as arrogant as he had come across in the beginning. I was feeling a definite attraction.

To make a long story short.  My roommate at the time was moving back to Michigan and I was needing a place to live.  Dave had a huge four bedroom home in which he rented out rooms.  He had a room available so I rented it from him and moved on in.  After a few months we ended up becoming a couple, and both started filing divorces on our spouses. 

We had both decided that we didn't want marriage again and were perfectly happy just living together.  This all started in 1985.  We were both divorced by summer of 1986.  Then came the fall of 1989 when layoffs came at the company Dave worked for ... (I had moved on by then) ... upper management were the first to go.  This is when he approached me with the idea of moving to Bear Valley.  Now we snowmobiled often up in that area .... but the thought of living somewhere so remote and cold and snowy .... ?  After thinking about it ... I was happy with my job at the time ... I told him the only way I would move there was to have a firm commitment from him.  I was not willing to leave my job and my home if he could kick me out at anytime in the middle of nowhere (not that he would have done that, but ... ).

So on September 22, 1989 we were married in Modesto at the courthouse in front of the Justice of the Peace.  The only people we told were my parents and Dave's daughter.  My parents came down from here actually to witness the event and Dave's daughter was there as well.  We ate at the Red Lobster afterwards and then off to Tahoe for a few days.  Nancy's parents who lived in Modesto (still do) had a get together for us when we returned ... my parents stayed and visited with them for a week or more .... and we then returned to our home and started packing for the big move up to the mountain.

We took our final load up on Oct. 17, 1989 ... my birthday .... and also the day of the "Big Quake" during the World Series game between the Giants and the A's. 

Getting off subject ... and you'll hear about all this later .... but anyway ....

Married 18 years.  They haven't all been the best for sure ... tough times seem to have plagued us ... but we love each other and of that I have no doubt, and we seem to become stronger through it all.  We will be leaving for the claim later today or tomorrow morning where we will spend our anniversary.  Peace, quiet and just the two of us (and the dogs and cat).

So if I'm not around ... you know why ... we don't really know what day we will come home ... but probably Monday or Tues.

Enjoy your weekend .... if I don't get to say it before I go ....

Peace.  J.