Marriage @ MindSay 
love
Growing Up Old...
Does that mean anything anymore? When our grandmothers and great great fathers were getting married in their time age was irrelevant to thier situations. At that time you had to grow up immediatly to survive. Ethics, hard work and responsibility were given to the very young, therefore they were able to be a responsible married adult at 18 ... 16.... whatever!
Today life for many is much different. Crime is ravaging our home towns, drugs are infecting the minds of our future. How did the values of our ancestors get so lost so fast? More and more our society is becomhing home to children raising children. When you become a parent, your children are first in everything you do, their safety and happiness is on the fore front. However when you are just a child yourself, riasing one can be a daunting task. Now, I am not saying that all teenage parents and parents in their early 20's are terrible parents, but if you look at the statitics of our growing population and the stats of young parents then talk to a teacher you start to see a pattern.
I grew up in a small but quickly booming town. By the time I was a Junior in high school there were over 900 incoming freshmen. I think, for what ever reason, my classmates and I grew up a little too quickly. Some of us are mature enough to handle the effects of our changing lives, but others I fear will fall into the cracks of this age's stereo-typical society.
Granted I got married at 18 ( a month after high school) I am ticked, utterly peeved at the fact that everyone around me will soon be married parents at 21!!! My husband and I got to know eachother as friends for three years in high school, then as lovers for a year until we got married. Now we have been happily together ( and unhappily) for three years. We are childless and plan to stay that way for quite some time. Although we want nothing more than to hold our future children in our arms at this very moment. We have higher priorities so that we can provide for the family we are meant to have together with out fear.
I have counted over 20 women I graduated with just three short years ago that are on their way or are already mothers and wives. Most of whome are not with the father of their children, or were only married for less than six months, or even less than a week in one case, and most only knew their husband for a year, a year, before they got married. Is one year actually long enough to get to understand what someone is capable of?
Many of these past and present friends like to comment on the similarities between their marriage and mine.... News Flash.... THERE ARE NONE!!! I'm the smart one and ya
ll have ruined what is to be a very long, hard and tiring life.
Is it wrong to feel this way.
This is not to say that I do not think these beautiful women will not be good mothers, I am convinced they will be fabulous!!! However, what kind of life are they going to lead from now on? Their dreams are dead( I dont care how many times you say you are going to go back to school.... you aren't), their marriages are practically in shambles and their children are not going to be able to have all that they want to give them.
Back to a comment I mentioned earlier.... Your child comes before anything else in this world.... right?
So why is it that we consider this only once we have children... and not before?
If you know that one day you WILL be a parent no matter what, then why only put your child first after they are born?
If it is really all about the children, please, think of them before conception. There are too many unplanned pregnancies happening in the world today. Just wait.... You have all of your life, what difference does it make?
Please leave me some comments on your thoughts.... and give me some ideas for more topics!!!! (Can Be anything)
It should be a given, the right to marry whom ever we please...but it's not. If we allow the government to say who we can and cannot marry then what will be next? What if they try to take your freedom to choose ?
We simply have no freedom when it comes to our own bodies and that's scary and it sucks. We don't have the freedom to end our life if we are in constant pain, they're trying to take a woman's right to choose away, we can't choose who we marry, smoking pot should be a choice, how we dress, where we live etc...
Now, right now , none of these things affect me , but maybe someday it will. And even if it never does...right..is right.
So I will shout now and stand with the GLBT community and help them fight! They deserve the same rights as every other American, to choose whom they wish to marry! To be who they are!
R is going back to school too. He is going for an associates degree in renewable energy. He has been out of school for 25 years and is having trouble getting back into the studying but otherwise is liking it just fine so far.
It would sure help if there was more sources of financial aid out there for students his age though. It seems like most scholarships are for kids just out of school. So far what financial aid we have seen only covers tuition and/or books. Even the loans I have seen say the money is supposed to be used only for tuition or books or other direct costs of college. Apparently you can buy a computer if it's to be used for college work..but you can't pay your rent so you have a place to live while going to college. Hopefully we won't end up living under a bridge for the duration. :p
Do the ideals of marriage remain the same for remarriages? Most of us have assumptions as to what makes a marriage successful. Historically the cornerstone of a successful marriage in this country has been trust and some measure of equality. Trust that our partner has our best interests, both financially and emotionally, at heart and that both partners are working together towards common goals. Are these fundamentals of successful marriages the same for subsequent marriages or do remarriages warrant an updated, revised version of the old ideals?
How do remarriages live up to first marriage ideals? When partners come into a second marriage with baggage (kids, debt, ex’s, past hurts/traumas) is it realistic to aspire to ideals that are formed fitting first marriages? Ideals that are formed without accounting for baggage? Is the ability to or level of trust irreparably compromised in a remarriage simply by having participated in a divorce? Are finances handled the same when the financial scenario is not pristine? Does equality remain consistent when perhaps financial circumstances are inconsistent in a remarriage?
Does the meaning of marriage change when partners have experienced a failed marriage? Do we need a new set of ideals for subsequent marriages that takes into account issues that surround remarriages or is the point of an ideal that it is to be worked at and aspired to? Do the fundamentals remain true even when the partners have not?
Date: September 21, 2009
Time: 7PM EASTERN
Listen Live:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/BonnieDGraham
ABOUT THE PROGRAM
Produced and Hosted by Bonnie D. Graham, a 12 year veteran of New York Radio, Up Close and Personal “is about the “AHA!” in your life. Guests share their expertise on Relationships, Dating, Marriage & Remarriage, Break-Ups, Communications, Workplace Challenges, Leadership, Success Strategies, Money, Food & Cooking, Health, Environment & more. If you're still stymied by the Mars vs. Venus cacophony in love or at work, feeling ambushed by a break-up or job loss, or ready for greater personal and professional success – you'll get inspiration and advice from guests who've been-there-done-that.”
ABOUT RAYMOND E. FOSTER
Raymond E. Foster was a sworn member of the Los Angeles Police Department for 24 years. He retired in 2003 at the rank of Lieutenant. He holds a bachelor’s from the Union Institute and University in Criminal Justice Management and a Master’s Degree in Public Financial Management from California State University, Fullerton. He has completed his doctoral studies in business research. Raymond is a graduate of the West Point Leadership program and has attended law enforcement, technology and leadership programs such as the National Institute for Justice, Technology Institute, Washington, DC.
Raymond has been a part-time lecturer at California State University, Fullerton and is currently a faculty advisor and chair of the Criminal Justice Program at the Union Institute and University. He has experience teaching upper division courses in law enforcement, public policy, technology and leadership. Raymond is an experienced author who has published numerous articles in a wide range of venues including magazines such as Government Technology, Mobile Government, Airborne Law Enforcement Magazine, and Police One. He has appeared on the History Channel and radio programs in the United States and Europe as subject matter expert in technological applications in law enforcement.
His first book, Police Technology is used in over 100 colleges and universities nationwide. He latest book, Leadership: Texas Hold ‘em Style has been adopted by several universities for course work in leadership; by several civil service organizations and required reading for promotion; and, has been well received in the wider market.
ABOUT THE BOOK
Using poker as analogy for leadership, Captain Andrew Harvey, CPD (ret.), Ed.D. and Lieutenant Raymond E. Foster, LAPD (ret.), MPA found the right mix of practical experience and academic credentials to write a definitive book for leaders. Working together, Harvey and Foster have written Leadership: Texas Hold em Style. Most often leaders find they are given a set of resources people, equipment, funds, experience and a mission. As Foster noted, "You're dealt a certain hand. How you play that hand as a leader determines your success."
More than a book: A fun and entertaining journey through leadership that includes an interactive website to supplement knowledge gained from the book.
Proven and Tested: Not an academic approach to leadership, but rather a road-tested guide that has been developed through 50-years of author experience.
High Impact: Through the use of perspective, reflection, and knowledge, provides information that turns leadership potential into leadership practice.
Ease of Application: Theory is reinforced with real-life experience, which results in accessible and practical tools leaders can put to use immediately.
High Road Approach: Personal character and ethical beliefs are woven into each leadership approach, so leaders do the right thing for the right reasons.
Uses Game of Poker: Rather than a dry approach that is all fact and no flavor, the game of poker is used as a lens through which to view leadership concepts.
CONTACT INFORMATION
Lieutenant Raymond E. Foster, LAPD (ret)
909.599.7530
raymond@hitechcj.com
www.police-writers.com
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