Mantras @ MindSay 
So, here's what's going on with me.
I've been in an inexplicably ever-present, sarcastic cloud lately. I don't like not being my usually manic self. "It don't sit right with me, Lois!" *breathes*
I find myself at the inception of summer, being fiercly annoyed by cat callers and solicitors on the bus stop in the morning as I try to prepare myself mentally for the work day ahead. There is this stalkeresque guy who rides the same bus as I most mornings and stares- but never speaks. Whell, he finally got up the nerve to hand me a note saying, "I think you are very pretty, please call me." I guess in all his gawking he didn't bother to look at my ring finger. YA THINK?
Then there are the Latino men on my block with the libidos from Hell. Really, how many prostitutes you know wait on the bus stop holding a bus pass and a briefcase?!?! NONE!! So why, then, do they pull up, roll down the window and make stupid "ven aqui" faces at me? What, you think I'm gonna be all: "Oh, I was going to go to work so I can feed my kids, but since you pulled up, offered me money to sleep with you and did the eyebrow cha-cha...hey!"
Ev'ry morning the same shiite.
I guess I should stop complaining and be grateful that men find me attractive, huh...
Getthafugouttahea.
Woosah...
So, today is Gwensday (I started writing this on Monday) and I'm in better spirits. Guess I just needed to vent and relax. I haven't been able to quit smoking, somewhat much to my dismay, but I have to do one thing at a time. Besides, I rather enjoy it. I guess that's the point, huh. :(
This past weekend, I went to the salon down the street for a masage and facial ( Foe $50!! A steal!) and the lady gave me a Lipton diet green tea to drink afterwards, so add that to my list of new addictions. I'm really trying to be healthier, but I find a hard time being consistent. In the wake of the deaths of so many of my family members (most of which were not health related), there is a constsnt internal struggle between wanting to enjoy life as it come and wanting to improve...you know, so I can extend it. Da irony!!
Guess I have some more meditating/soul searching to do so I can figure out what the hell it is I really want, yah?
Any suggestions for a mantra?
My thought for the day in my email today. I didnt read it until 2 pm...Prune away the extraneous stuff and get to the heart of the matter. Clarity of thought leads naturally to clarity of communication, which in turn leads to major progress.
My point of clarifying that I hadnt read that thought until 2, is that I slept til 11, feeling a little tired today, but my pain level is so much better again. .thank goodness.. but just tired, so I slipped on a robe that didnt even sash closed, and was plain ol' lazy. Ate 2 english muffins and a glass of milk. ( I have been drinking 1-2 glasses of milk everyday for the last week, insane..cause I normally dislike milk to just drink it plain.)
Then I turned tivo on, and there was the show Starting Over all nicely ready fo rmy viewing pleasure. I watched this show for the first time the night I spent in the hospital..and have watched it diligently since. Its like having 2 life coaches and a counselor and all these women living with me for free.
Today was a truly moving one for me, and touched issues that I have had and have.
**STICKY NOTE**
To do today:
1-Bake a chocolate cake for us and the neighbors to share
2-Call and get the storage unit reserved for shawns stuff to go in tomorrow
** End of Memo**
The show today really hit a nerve with me the one woman, Kim...she had to talk w/ her dad on the phone who got divorced when she was 6 and ask him some self awareness q's..without responding to them.. or trying to defend.
1. what is the nicest thing i have ever done for you
2. what is the worst thing or painful thing i have ever done...to you.
3. what are 3 qualities you like about me
4. what are 2-3 qualities that i could work on
So she had to ask 3 of the relationships that were in flux and she chose mom/dad/friend her friend was unavail. Mom was first and she thought she has a VERY good relationship w/ mom but moms answers were all superficial like: you are colorful, i like the way you dress, etc.
Next she called her dad. His answers in the end were all about himself.. how he feels,not about her and the one that got me.. was when he said, you are and will always be my little girl.
Wow.. broke her down.. broke me down, But when the life coach went over everything..she pointed out, that he never answered her questions.. and she was right, the Dad and the mom really answered external things or about themselves, not really addressing the questions.
I recall my dad telling me that once, that I will always be his little girl, and how it made me cry, this was a couple of years ago. I cried for the feeling of love, for the feeling of loss of all the years of feeling unloved, and the feeling of do I believe, can I just receive that love, and will it be taken away again?
Dad & I still do not have a good relationship or what I would like it to be, and my sisters seem to much more so than I do, and yes, I get envious of their special times together, that I do not ever seem to share in or be a part of.
I thought of being a life coach once or twice, I think it would be a very interesting path, and even would compliment with the body work that I offer. When I told my friend Chris today on this topic she said:
dawnzlights (2:04:38 PM): i had thought about once being a life coach.. .pretty neat.'
chris:(2:05:25 PM): yeah, you'd be good at it
dawnzlights (2:05:44 PM): gotta take care of me first ..i would be falling apart in their sessions..LMAO
chris: (2:05:50 PM): yeah
dawnzlights (2:05:54 PM): chuckles
chris:(2:06:12 PM): but you do really well with others - it's the rules for Dawn (lol) where you fall apart
dawnzlights (2:06:17 PM): yep
chris:(2:06:32 PM): but you have a way of getting into the heart of ppl
dawnzlights (2:06:37 PM): i am making that my mantra .. i have the same rules as everyone else
dawnzlights (2:06:40 PM): thank you chris.
chris: (2:06:51 PM): you've done wonders for me
dawnzlights (2:07:09 PM): big grin.. i am *SO* glad
chris: (2:07:15 PM): either in actual word or in something I've seen in you
That last comment really blessed me.. we all want to know that we effect others in a positive manner.