Make Love @ MindSay 
make believe
I love that. I love that even though it's been months since I've written anything here, or weeks since I've dropped by to check my messages, I love that when I click the little Login button, it still comes up with my information all filled out, as if the site is waving and wrapping an arm around my shoulders and saying, "Hey. How you been? It's been a while, hasn't it. Come on in, out of the cold, let's get you warm." It's a feeling I haven't felt in a while, that feeling of complete welcome. It's good to be writing again. Note to self: Never stop writing, no matter what is going on. It's just healthier this way. Besides, have you forgotten? You have a talent for this stuff. No one else really thinks so, no one else seems to realize it, but you're a good writer . You've got something here. Don't just let it go because you get busy. Maybe this is what you are going to do with your life. Maybe this is what you are going to pursue. Maybe you'll go to college and live in an apartment with people you know and heat up a quick bowl of oatmeal and take it to your room and clutch at it for the heat and try to read the text books where the words will just jumble in your head and in your mouth because you're trying so hard to understand but you work all night and you sleep all morning and you go to school to learn things that you don't want to learn to try to get to the career you want so you can make a small, meager pay check and try desperately to make yourself happy, and the only moments of goodness you can find are when she calls and you smile and lay back on your air mattress because that's what life is all about.
And there you are, on the inside with your artsy intelligent Village people friends, and I am on the outside wiping away at the frost on the window and staring at you with a longing in my soul as I've never felt before, and we both smile and nod and there are tears in my eyes and on my cheeks and I know that we love each other, but we're just too different, you and your Uma Thurman ways. Someday, someone will read through these, and think "What a genius" and I will smile and think to myself, I told you so.
We were in my car the other day, at a red light, the one by Glade's on Main and I was telling you about how someday, somehow, I was going to be wealthy. You looked at me and asked, "Why?" and I didn't have an answer for you. It doesn't matter who you are, or where you come from, you always want what you don't have. It's human nature, which is why the Buddhists are so famous for their bliss and their great content with themselves, because they have obviously been able to fight something that every single other person in the world has inside of themselves which makes someone question.
If they can fight want, which everyone has inside of themselves and is thought to be unavoidable, can I fight the cancer within me?
And the little boy with the scrawny arms and the small sunken eyes on the bed next to her says that she's talking out loud again and that the cancer is just as bad as his AIDs and that they all die in the end so why not just accept it and the thought of that kind of cynacism in such a young boy makes the watchers around the world cry because it's emotion, and the irony that you don't understand that makes audiences cry. Can you believe that?
Can you believe me?
No one really cares but you about what I think, and these are the things I think. These are the streams of thought that weave together to make themselves something worth thinking about. But will I ever make anything of myself? That's a question. I want to develop scripts for video games, I want to stir emotions in people with pictures and words and make people cry just like Uma Thurman and Peter Jackson, I want to give people those little lumps in their throats because it's so damn beautiful. I want to be a beautiful people. But I graduate soon and really I want to write but I can never create a story worth reading. I can never make a plot worth listening to or when I do it doesn't have enough twists and turns to be engaging. That's why I love classical literature, it had just the right amount of twists, not like these new Dan Brown books, with so many twists and turns they get old and it's not even the same novel after so many twists, that half way through it's like you're reading an entirely different book and maybe you think to yourself that you saved money by buying two books in one, or maybe you think to yourself that this isn't what you paid for at all. Like a rollercoaster with too many twists it doesn't have time to build up speed and so all it accomplishes is making you sick in the brain.
Everyone makes movies about couples who are in love, and the boy loves the girl and the girl loves the boy but there is a trial of some kind that they go through and then they're stronger for it. No one makes movies about Uma Thurman and her love for the younger man but even though they love each other, they just know it's not right. No one makes movies about lesbian couples that have to stay hidden but everyone knows anyways but one of them can never get enough, never get enough of the other and when she texts to tell her she's with him she wonders if they are together and if they were both just mixed up all along and are really in love with each other... no one makes movies about that because desperate housewives in the midwest and mothers in the mid east would never go and see it.
Did you know I'm ashamed of how I bite my nails? And there's no reason for it either. I feel like Frank McCourt, trapped in the drink, not wanting it, not having any reason to drink it except that it's in his blood, and that's how I feel. No reason to do it except that there's nothing better to do. I like to make art and I wish I could do things and draw them right out of my head but I just can't get the synapses to fire like that, can't get them to connect from the pictures in my head to the lines on the paper. I can copy pictures pretty damn well, and it's satisfying to do at least that and I wish I could find something that would let me do that for a living, taking my own pictures and then copying them in graphite but who would want to buy a drawing of something when the picture is right there, just as ready and looking far better than what I produced? Someday I'm going to do something incredible and worth doing and people who know me now will sit and say to themselves, "I knew her. Always a bit mussed in the head, but I knew her." And they'll make up stories about how they were my friend, or about how I was mean, or something, any kind of interaction with someone famous that they once went to school with because that's what housewives do, fat housewives with their bellies spilling out from beneath the shirts filled with children, and they'll say that to themselves until they believe it, until they believe whate'er stories they make up about them and I. You and I want different things out of life, and I wonder if we aren't like them. Nothing is worth doing, nothing is worth having if you're not somehow involved in it, but we both want different things and if I give up what I want for you at least I'll have you and I'll have some semblence of happiness but I'll never be at peace whenever I hear about someone on the news or watch a movie with successful actresses and successful screenwrites and successful directors, and what kind of a life would that be? Would I be able to handle it, always being happy but never at peace because I let myself go, I let my dreams go so that I could have my everything? I'm going to do something great with this world, I just wish as hell I knew what it was, so I could get on with it and be at peace and then have you.
Some children wrote letters to God. Some children wrote letters to Santa.
Me?
I wrote letters to Bette Midler.
~Alisa
So i stole this from actionfigures who stole this from some one else
so do it or else!!!! mwahahahah
Dear Lovely
I ____ you.
You have a nice______.
You make me _______.
You should _______.
Someday I will ______.
You + me =________.
If I saw you now I'd __________. I want to ________ you.
I would build a _______ just for you.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars.
Love,
_______________
(P.S. ______________.)
REPOST THIS "DEAR (YOUR NAME)" AND SEE WHAT ANSWERS U GET... this lots of fun and you can really make someone's day
Howdy Howdy All!
*UPDATE* -- sun signs are but ONE aspect of a very busy natal chart. Please take all sun sign descriptions with a grain of salt and in no way an endorsement for or against any group of people born under said signs. This is for entertainment purposes for some and something a bit more substantive for others (I am of the latter group). In Short, no one sign is better or worse than another and for the most part no one will have all of the qualities listed in any of the sign groups. The signs discussed on this blog are in no way exhaustive..there are ENTIRE books dedicated to SINGLE signs because there is so much information about each. My tiny blog could not possibly discuss it all. That being said...enjoy and please, please, realize that these zodiac posts are supposed to be fun above all else......
Moon In Aquarius
Sorry it takes me a bit between postings latley but I gotta stay on top of my class assignments...I know, I know, I know I should be able to juggle any number of things since I have no husband or kids (Someone was kind enough to inform me of this on a number of occassions)---oh hum I say..and dont hate me because I like my eggs right where they are...Anyway on to better things. Who knows someone who is a smidge excessive about their appearance and a little bit on the technical side in the sack. Now dont get me wrong, I know Virgos who can put it down hard in the sheets, it's likely because they take perfection seriously in ALL aspects of their existence...hey Who's complaining? Not me, that's for sure! HOw about some basics..
Symbol: The Virgin Ruling Planet: Mercury Element: Earth Cross/Quality: Mutable Group: Intellectual House Ruled: Sixth Polarity: Negative Opposite Sign: Pisces Favorable Colors: Navy &
Neutrals Lucky Gem: Peridot Key Body Part: Nervous
System Period: Aug.23 - Sept.22
Analytical, rational, fair, methodical, talented, planner, hardworking, discriminating, tasteful, motivated, reserved, intelligent, creative, orderly, structured, but can be critical, rigid, sarcastic, snobbish, narrow-minded,
Oh no no no, not a hair outta place on these fancy pants teenagers of the Zodiac. Sure they can be brand conscious and a little cncerned about keeping up with Joneses or at least out "looking" the Joneses, but the also have their absolutely wonderful qualities as well. For instance, ask one of them if they think you look good and they will lavish you with praise like you wouldnt believe..and get this...they actually MEAN it! Every flaw they see in themselves they will absolutely dismiss in those they love. Now getting them to open up and love you is another issue all together but well worth it in the long run, thats for damn sure!
Virgo rules over the House of Substance--The house of physical work. Here lies the indicators of the relationship between body and mind. Fortunate people who have many planets in either one or any of these houses are often viewed as the stable and conscientious citizens of the community.
KEYWORDS: discriminating, methodical PHRASE: I ANALYZE
Their opposite sign is Pisces and it's no wonder. When the Moon is in Pisces our earthy Virgo friends feel like mud, all sluggish and a liitle messy (Something they dont take kindly to).
Modest and shy
Meticulous and reliable
Practical and diligent
Intelligent and analytical
Fussy and a worrier
Overcritical and harsh
Perfectionist and conservative
LIKES
DISLIKES
Language especially they use correctly, clearly, consciously and formally, as grammarians and etymologists rather than for literary interests, yet they are likely to have a good memory for apt quotations. Although they are well suited for careers in machine drawing, surveying and similar occupations, they are better fitted for a job in a library or office than a workshop. Ugh! I work for a Virgo and Good Grief! The dude has his day AND OURS planned down to the last detail. To be fair our shop is the MODEL for all of the other shops in the company so the man aint no joke when it comes to hardwork and planning...
They are intellectually enquiring, methodical and logical, studious and teachable. They combine mental ingenuity with the ability to produce a clear analysis of the most complicated problems. They have an excellent eye for detail but they may be so meticulous that they neglect larger issues. Also, although they are realists, they may slow down projects by being too exact.
Let's talk about sex for moment....
Both sexes have considerable charm and dignity, which make some male Virgoans appear effeminate when they are not. In marriage they can be genuinely affectionate, making good spouses and parents, but their love making is a perfection of technique rather than the expression of desire, and they must be careful not to mate with a partner whose sex drive requires a passion they cannot match.
On the surface they are emotionally cold, and sometimes this goes deeper, for their habit of suppressing their natural kindness may in the end cause it to atrophy, with the result that they shrink from committing themselves to friendship, make few relationships, and those they do make they are careful to keep superficial.
Yet in their unassuming, outwardly cheerful and agreeable fashion, they can be sensible, discreet, well spoken, wise and witty, with a good understanding of other people's problems which they can tackle with a practicality not always evident in their own personal relationships.
Well that's all for now...how about some poetry...here goes...(it builds, builds, builds doll. Feels alright, alright, right)
Tie your heart at night to mine, love,
and both will defeat the darkness
like twin drums beating in the forest
against the heavy wall of wet leaves.
Night crossing: black coal of dream
that cuts the thread of earthly orbs
with the punctuality of a headlong train
that pulls cold stone and shadow endlessly.
Love, because of it, tie me to a purer movement,
to the grip on life that beats in your breast,
with the wings of a submerged swan,
So that our dream might reply
to the sky’s questioning stars
with one key, one door closed to shadow.--Pablo Neruda
Listening to: Marilyn Manson- Novocaine
It was my 3 month anniversary with my boyfriend on monday. I planned this perfect surprise at his house for him but he couldn't make it. so he pitched up at my house on wdnesday with a bunch of my favourite flowers.. to make up for the anger i experienced.
We were suposedly going to a show on friday but instead he planned a romantic dinner at his flat which he covered in candles.. it was really sweet.. plus six red roses (2 for each month we've been together). He coooked for me.. it was really sweet!!
So people.. today we celebrate the good mood of love!!
I sure am doing it..
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