Maid @ MindSay

When I was on Boston, I was able to see the movie "maid of honor" .  What a great romantic movie!   The end of the movie they played this great remake from Don Henley's "heart of the matter.  The performance was done by India Arie.  I suggest everyone should check it out!

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And all the struggles we went through
How I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?

I've been learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning them again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

These times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
And the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Pride and competition cannot fill these empty arms
And the work they put between us,
You know it doesn't keep us warm

I've been trying to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
The more I know, the less I understand
And all the things I thought I figured out, I have to learn again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my heart is so shattered
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

All the people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carrin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside

I wanna be happily everafter
And my heart is so shattered
But I know it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if you don't love me anymore
Even if you don't love me anymore

Here's there deal ... I agree to doing my share of the house work. After all I live here to. But when I am working, then I believe that each member of the family should get off their rear ends & get to moving. Instead my weekend went from working (getting paid to doing it) to coming home to doing even more work when NO one at home had appeared to have done much.

See the plan for this week end was Dad spend Sat morning with our kids & then Sat night with me ... after all he's been gone for a month. Then Sunday we would have all day for what every we wanted to do.

Then reality sunk in ... yes, Dad & out kids got all the time they need. They got part of Friday, Sat & Sun ... Me, I got blown off. Instead I got to bust my ass at work, come home clean my house because no here seemed be able to do it. Dishes had to be cleaned, laundry couldn't be washed without me, the back yard couldn't be cleaned up, the play room could not be cleaned, they dishes were left around the house ... just think & you can guess it. I got a bit upset, I busted but Sat thinking, I will clean this up & there will still be time for just me & my husband ... what a freaking joke because I didn't get any time.

In the end, I blew ... I don't the a nuke could have caused the intense feelings that I did this weekend or that I did on Monday. I had really had it. I love my family to dearly ... but this inconsideration was the last straw. I got "I love you" so many times ... yet not one sign of it.

Did they bother to help me clean up their messes?? Did they bother to get up & help cook their food?? Did they help with the laundry?? Did they clean up anything?? No, instead they thought I was angry because I didn't get to spend my time with my husband ... WTF!?!? That might have a small part in it, but only a small part because in the end the inconsidation I got from this was a crock.

I get up every morning, make sure they get up for school ... make sure they get dressed & on the bus. They are fed, have their bookbags, jackets & everything they need. Clean up the PJ's & mess they leave every day. Get my butt to work ... if I have to get to work before their bus gets here then I get them up just a bit sooner & go through this ... hoping I am not late. Then I come home & clean up their mess. 3/4 of the time I don't get help from them. I cook their food, wash their clothes, buy groceries for them, buy clothes for them ... not to mention the other extra items they have ... I go out of my way to make sure they have what they need. They do get the extras when we can afford them.

I have even tried not clean anything they do ... lets just say it was a horried attempt. It took me a week to clean my house after 2 days of not clean up thier messes. I still shiver & chringe from that attempted.

Don't get me wrong ... They are good when they choose to HELP, I just wish it was on a regular basis. Not when they "feel like it." My house won't keep itself clean & I sure can't keep it clean while I work ... which is why I need help.

But I need their help to make this family work, rarely do I get that. But they all though I was angry because I didn't get a few hours of time with my husband! Seems they forgot the rest of the info. I got treated like a maid, blown off, critized & they still don't get the point AFTER I tell them the reason.

I sat down & spelled it out. Told my husband exactly what my issued was. He focus on one thing ... not seeing everything, just one thing. I could have banged my head into a wall ... end the end, I crawled into bed & fell asleep because there is not discussing it any further he just ddin't get it. Plus banging my head would have only caused me major trama ...

Even yesterday, I still worked. Came home & fixed dinner. My husband was off, he finished the dresser I asked him to. But he didn't fix dinner, I did. I don't believe in that BS that "she should cook, clean & mind the house" because in life today family is family & everyone should help. Why do I have to get angry to get help?

5 Positive Things:

No migraines for a week

I have been calm for 24 hours

I am getting a raise

Gonna plan a trip for weekend trip (thinking Levenworth would be good)

Gonna take a nap