Lust @ MindSay

I got a promotion at work.  I am now the head teacher in my room.  I feel very happy to have the promotion, but I also know I will have some challenges along the way.  I have been told I am too nice.  I let people walk all over me, so I need to be comfortable delegating tasks, and being ok with having the final say on things.  I had our first meeting tonight, it seemed to go well. There are good and bad sides to this job.  I know I will be working even harder and having a lot more to do before, even though I didn't think it was possible to have more work to do, but it is.  The good side is, it's finally nice to have someone realize that you are able to do something.  It's nice to see some realize your talents.  I get to interact with the parents more and having a leadership position is good for balancing assertiveness.  This position will hopefully help me be a stronger person.  We will see anyways.  I feel so much better now that I am teaching Pre-K.  I love being in that classroom, and I love the other teachers.  I enjoy working with everyone, but I just don't ever want to over step my boundaries.  I have an issue with saying sorry for the dumbest things, I thought I got over it, but it seems to never go away, because I give in to everything and say sorry. I say sorry for breathing at times, not really but it feels like it.  I did once run into a pole and apologize for it.  wonderingsoul was there to see it happen.  I don't want to be a push over, but I don't want to be aggressive either, I have to find the balance in between. 

I am glad I got promoted though, Mark was always saying how much he didn't like me working on things for work when I was home, because it wasn't my job or my responsibility and I was being used.  Now that I have the title, it is my responsibility and I have a reason to bring work home once in awhile.  I know work can be one of the big reasons relationships have problems so I want to make sure I am balancing my time at work/home.  Life is all about balance.  work. vs. home  give vs. take  war vs. peace  saying yes vs. saying no

change vs. consistency   right vs. wrong   love vs. lust

 

I need to make sure that work never gets so far into my marriage that it starts to fail.  I vow to never let it get that far.  I am too happy where I am at to let work go that far. 

 

 

Okay, so lately i have been feeling alot better, happy even and somewhat inspired.

This is all down to a guy. Yeah a guy. I know it shouldn't take someone else to make me happy, but he's amazing and without him i feel empty. It's funny, how much of an impact someone else can have on your life.

 

Okay so about this guy. His name is Justin, he's dark, handsome and sweet. My prince. The guy all little girls dream about meeting when they grow up.

Our love is so special, magical. When i'm talking with him it's as though nothing else matters, just us.

He makes me nervous. When he calls me beautiful or pretty, i get an amazing feeling. Or when he calls me his baby, i feel my heart beating hard inside my chest.

I know he's the perfect person for me, we're meant to be together and he loves me just as much as i love him.

I would do anything for him.

 

 

there is no pain that cuts deeper than love

he was right you know

who you are is of no concequence

but he was right

i was misguided

more fool him than me though

id love to be a fly on the wall

what is love

love is lust with more of an emotional attachment

they will all realise

one day after the explosion

after the dust settles

they will realise that i was right

i predicted this

actualy i know this

i know it will end badly

ive always known

but when all is said and done

death is the way

death has always been the way

but for me

for me death holds more pain than realese

i have commited horrific crimes

and in death

all your crimes are paid for in some form of pain

i doubt i could cope

i dont know how im coping now

but i am

and i must thank her

she has great tast is music

music for a fucked up life

i will always love her

she believes that unrequited love is pathetic

so do i

so what does that mean for me

such is the curse of my existance

i will always be here to burry the ones i love

and to pick up the peices

but i am never to be happy

as to why

its my punishment

 

I Love you DE and that will never change

but still i cant help feeling like this was just a mind fuck to get back at him

i know we had something

and that will always be there

i hope you realise it b4 it is too late

 

shad

Last night i had a dream. a really strange dream. i was going on a field trip with my class (i am well over with school) and we were goinbg to this old masion on a little island out in the middle of a lake. as we were walking the tour me, my friend Val and another girl went away from the class. we were looking around and found this room full of old dusty quilted beds. then we started to hear really scary sounds. like screams and such. so we all three hid under a quilt on a bed. we waited and all of a sudden there was this mass right by me. we pulled the cover down and we saw this very hamdsome vampier laying RIGHT by me! my friends screamed and ran away. but i didn't. i just looked at him. he was so hot, skinny but built, nice clean hair, no face hair, nice evil but nice smile, and dark sinking eyes. we didn't talk, just looked into each others eyes. then we were suddenly in his room, same bed, but his room. a very swank pimped out room. we laughed, joked, talked, everything was bliss. then his phone went off and he started texting some one. i asked what was going on and he showed me a movie on his phone. it was a vampier woman who was talking to him, saying how much she loved him and that she was so glad she was having his child and that she would see him in the morning when he was done with me. i was mad. really mad. agai i was in the stupid thought of everythig going good. i told him if i was to be with anyone it would have to be a very very very closed relationship. he just shrugged his sholders and i woke up.

 

This dream tells me that no matter what i do i can never find a guy that is just right. i've dated all types of guys and they all have somthing wrong with them. cheating, drugs, rudness, stupidty. all of them bad in some big way that i just can't pass as a little thing. no matter what, guys ae not going to change. i just want to find one. but not now. this just tells me that there isn't a guy out there that is really really good.

 

 

P.S. i think the vampier thing was just from me playing SIMs 2 where there are vampiers in SIMs Nightlife.