Yesterday was.. What is the right word? Despite not being able to take community service for the remaining semester (Which, I must say, I am so pissed off about this, I've had it with these douche bags dicking around my schedule over and over again), it was, Dreamy? That sounds like the right word. Especially in the whirling pit of nothingness that is goading me to jump in.
Dreamy? Rightfully so. Especially on the manner of not wishing to wake up for fear that it might all be a dream and this was just some random scheme thrown into my head to make me feel miserable. But, I met someone. No, not like that. However, the turn in which my life has suddenly taken is absurd. It's amazing how meeting someone can light up a darkness that's been busy consuming your insides. I spent the most of yesterday (Since I got home early) talking to her, and I enjoyed myself greatly. Talking. Connecting. It really feels like I've met her somehow, but of course, that isn't possible. Considering she's on the other side of the globe. Le sigh, it's a bit upsetting. But I have to tell myself that I am the way I am now because of where I am and what has happened to me, and I wouldn't meet people if those things changed. So.. I guess, in a way, it's a good thing I'm a completely insane idiot or else I wouldn't've met her. I enjoyed talking to her so much, and here's a chance where I can actually help someone else instead me feeling miserable and another person trying to deal with my insanity. I could ramble on for a very, very long time at how bubbley I feel at this encounter and connection, but I'll spare her the embarassment and chance to scare her away since she reads my page. Though, I am, for what's seemed like a long time, very happy.
Today there is no school, since freezing rain started up. And, out of the goodness of their hearts, the school decided to yank the stick out of their ass and close it for today. Probably because every school in a 50 mile radius was closed, and maybe they felt a little inclined. I cannot wait until I graduate. I cannot wait to break free of this prison. I'm almost half tempted to just buy a plane ticket to some random place and head there and start my life anew. This is, of course, insane. Some people might think about something in a day dream and then just brush it off, where as I take it to heart and strongly consider doing it. Ugh. What's wrong with me?
Either way, I've got to get out, and I'm not sure if I can endure the four months that's left until I am. It's always a "Well, time goes so fast!" No, no it doesn't. Time is very slow, so slow that it nearly causes me physical pain. But of course it would be "stupid" to quit school and go somewhere else in the country, canada, europe, or somewhere else. The part in my mind labeled "Reason" slaps me across the face and says that I'd probably just die from not having anywhere to go, money to buy food, unable to find a job, ect ect ect. The "Insane" part counters with a, "So what?" but ugh. I feel so stupid sometimes. Normal people probably shouldn't consider such things.
Still. My mind is spinning and it's making me dizzy, I'm unable to get a grasp on it to make it stop. I have the day to myself, but I'll probably just end up working on Xenogears (I fell asleep last night playing it without saving...) or read Prozac Nation, or maybe do some non-blog writting just for the sake of writting. That might be fun. Though, I'd like to do something a little more creative that write World of Warcraft fan fics. Hah. I have ideas to mind, but I haven't given them any wings yet. Maybe I'll do that today, I'll have to see. I almost forgot today was friday. Day off + weekend is wonderful. I suppose lady lucks throws me a glance every now and then. Though, a pessimistic part of me wonders when all this happiness will just suddenly cease like it likes to do, as if it gets some pleasure out of seeing my spirits fall. But really, I don't care.
If this is a dream, don't let me wake up.
fun
