Love Stuff @ MindSay 
" Darling, you mean everything to me...I am sooooooooooooooooooooo sorta in love with you"
Well if my loverman said that to me.....I wouldn't believe him....not in his life.....or mine...nope...
The only time I believe him is when he tells me......."I love you THIS MUCH!!!" and then he proceeds to hold his arms straight out past his sides....Then I get my measuring stick and if the width of his love measures 6 feet, then I know he's telling the truth..
this sorta stuff....forget about it...
it's all in the measuring stick.
Okay here we go! I was really considering making this blog entry for only certainpeople to read. But in a siaution like this, and something I want to understand a lot better. I thought it would be best to learn about this stuff, and ask the stuff I've been wanting to ask for a long time.
So I'm at the arcades tonight. The arcades having of course my favorite old school games. Street Fighter 3 was the main attraction because it was never there when I went there and I own the game on the PS2 now. Marvel vs. Capcom 2, and Capcom vs. SNK 2. Lots of crazy stuff going on. So James goes and plays his Marvel, while I go and play some Street Fighter 3. I had to go get change, so I got an Icee to break my money. So I go back to playing the game.
I'm really am in my own world in videogames. The arcade, I was meeting a lot of people I wouldn't have expected to be playing here and all. It was so cool seeing these really amazing people. I start playing trying to get use to joystick and tapping buttons on the machine. So one of the girls that's working there comes over and starts talking to me while I'm playing. Usually I'm fine with it, but since it wasn't an actual gamer, gamers keep it very short when talking to someone whose playing. So this girl working there starts talking and talking. Saying that one of her friends thinks I'm cute. And me I'm like awe thank you very much. And she says that it's actually that "guy" behind the stands. -insert me losing to the computer in Street Fighter after that-
Was I freaked out. A bit yes. Was I surprised not as much. The only thing I was surprised about that this was happening way to frequently. I'm minding my own business, I'm not hitting on any girls whatsoever which is EXTREMELY RARE!!! And this happens. I'm sorry but no. I'm just not that way. Sure I grew up around a lot of girls, and I hug and kiss a lot or whatever. And I talk in a different manner than most guys. But to be considered gay, and having gay guys always trying to get with me. This has been going on too long. I mean for several years now.
So I try calling any of the girls. I'm somewhat surprised and angry. It's like, is that all people see me as? Is that what everyone thinks all the time? Maybe that could explain why I hit on so many girls or something. To keep certain people away from me? To prove that I'm not gay? Thisi s all now interesting and mind blowing. And yet none, not even one girl picked up their phone, which is a bunchof crap. There's barely any girl, even if I left a message that would not pick up the phone or at least call back within minutes or just a few hours. But not even one. It wasn't that I needed help, but I wanted to understand and what they truly thought of me and why does this keep happening. I evenutally did go up to the counter and gave the girl back two tokens that she gave me and I told her I was sorry and I didn't need them. I was not going to take his stuff like that.
I'm going crazy. A few years ago I'm trying sooo hard to talk to this girl and getting pretty far, and this guy comes out of no where and starts talking to me, wouldn't leave me alone, and started asking my phone number. I know guys are pretty bold in doing things but come on now. so basically I never did get witht hat girl that kind of sucked. What is it that makes boys attracted to me. I don't think I'm that great looking or anything. Is it because I'm so damn nice and speak in a nice manner. I don't say apperciate, that's too complex, it's "Thank you very much" I say things like that. Siomple words that mean a lot. But it's to where my nice manners back fire on me and I get branded with words like that. I'm not saying I hate gay guys or whatever. I have gay friends or they didn't really tell me, but you could tell and they told you in the end type deal.
Why do girls likegay guys more tahan regular guys. Just because they can understand them better and they're more clean? PErhaps, but when someone is like a male is giving up being with females and decided to go with males. Isn't that the biggest insult to a girl? That guy is saying that guys are so much better that I'll now date them rather than you. Sure I'm quite more open and talking and I can look at a guy and can see what he needs to work on, that's only if I'm asked. Actually the guy at the movie theather wasn't really taht good looking at all. Not that I'm saying that, the person didn't look like they took care of himself is what I'm saying. I'm not trying to hate, but it's just, oh man there's just so much to it. I've been trying to find myself for years.
I've been picked on and called lots of names throughout my whole entire life. And i have to have times like these. I'm sitting here trying to prove to people and myself over the stupid reason. I tell you the truth. I like girls. I like girls a lot. I could never give themup. No matter how bad they would treat meor use me or whatever. I can't give them up. I was talking to my friend joel and he said something rather interesting. Why do girls like guys?
I had to think about it for a second and I couldn't think of anything on why girls like guys. Joel then continued saying that guys are ugly and just can't compare to women. And the first time in a very long time I agreed with him. lol we don't get on the same level of terms. Why can't I just be myself a nice guy and not get branded something like that. Making me have to try harder for no reason. You know I rather been considering being alone more than anything. Because it's like I'm not getting anywhere with anyone, so it's to where I try not to care about it. When I do that's when girls somewhat start to care and I'm like make up your mind. Stop pulling my chain, can you actually love someone like me or not. I'm not saying I'm all knowing but I think the other reason why I don't date as much is that I somewhat know girls a bit too well. Yes that stupid frienship zone but this is my own thought, that I scare them in someway? I wish they tell me the truthinst4ead of just leaving m hanging and at least gt me to realize what I need to work on, instead of feeling like a complete fool.
Maybe all that is making question this whole sexuality thing. This is not how I wanted my sunday Monday to end up like... ugh... I would like to have comments on this one, because I just needf to know a lot of stuff and see what people have to say. I don't talk about myself a lot and this has been going on quite a bit to where I had to talk about it. So comments are very very much welcome to this entry.
Basically: WE LOVE YOU Federica! We love everything in the package you sent. Savannah adores all her W.I.T.C.H items. And of course I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the halloween stuff and chocolate. We opened the Ice Age 2 chocolate on the video. :D
Babes Thankyou sooo much. We miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is for Valentine:
A lot of people love you, V. Remember that you weren't forgotten.
Tropical storm is heading our way...i wonder if it's going to turn into a hurricane? Well doesn't matter cause i'm not on that side of the state. Anyways...life is going pretty good i guess. My ex Zack talked to me last night...we fought again about the usual stuff...u know..."we're different so we won't get along" "Zack, how do you even know? u won't get to know me...and relationships are all about selflessness"...anyways he annoys me but i guess that i will just have to get over it. All I wanted was just a friendship but he doesn't seem to get that. He thinks that i'm "obsessed" with him. He also said that he wasn't selfish because he was making a "SACRIFICE" to talk to me...It's just annoying.
On a happier note...it's raining. I love the rain. I wish that I could lay in it...but I just took a shower. Everyone always says how they would love to kiss in the rain...I've never wanted that...I want to kiss in a cornfield (proof I'm from Oklahoma)...but for real. And I want to kiss in Los Vaqueros Bridge at night when all the stars are out and i want to catch frogs and play in the water (though full of cow manuer). And I want to hold hands secretly. I'm not a fan of public affection...i like the secret stuff. It means more. Ur not trying to make a point...just showing them u love them without all the glory of being a great boyfriend or girlfriend. Hiding roses under my covers or secret things in my car. Notes...I wish guys were more mindful of these things. My husband HAS to be a hopeless romantic. I love romance....secret romance.
My favorite flower is daisies...I always dreamed of being asked to be married outside in a field of daisies....white daisies. I'm doing to have white daisies as the flowers at my wedding.
Since i know that you all don't care...I'm done. But don't forget to hug someone today and tell them you love them!
(Steve, are you cheating on me!?) CRUMBS AND COOKIES DAD GUMMIT!!
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