Lotr @ MindSay 
lord of the rings
I've really been swamped lately, so much so that my mental prowess has been spiraling vertically...downwards. In Computer Studies today, I kept clicking the paste button on my word document, thinking that it was the save button...laugh, you ought to. *sigh* Seems to me lately that it's important to shake yourself and just laugh about something, anything, just to keep yourself from breaking down.
My mom's away again for 3 weeks which is dreadful, for both of us. Returning home everyday from the hellish boot camp called high school, one really need some powerful muse, something to draw love, inspiration and hope from. And my mother is all I have. What can I say: I love her, more than anything or anyone in my life. And no one inspires me like her. I have seen with these tainted eyes the horrendous trials that have dogged our steps, most especially my mother's - and looking at where she is now, I know she is nothing short of extraordinary.
Mommy's girl: I know. Not like I have a father. Ain't ashamed. So bugger off. No, don't. Or at least read the rest of my post before you do :)
Being alone with my thoughts is a very scary prospect for me. But it is enlightening even though it leaves me feeling drained, vulnerable.
And like a drowning young lad, when you finally emerge with a gasp from the swirling abyss of your thoughts, and the cold stabbing wind of change and the reality of the world sweeps in - you feel it: The cruel scalding heat that burns your very soul - the feeling of being lost. Lost, lonely, afraid. Afraid of the workings of the world that, sometimes, seem to deliberately plot your downfall.
" ‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo. ― ‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.’ " - ‘The Lord of the Rings’, Book I, Chapter 2.
(this is a little excerpt from my doodle diary)
Ai! Ilya ná lá vanwa...
(Why is the group defunct? Because Kassi and her family are moving to Iowa. Next weekend. Yeah. Iowa. Totally sucks... I'm really gonna miss these guys.)
Due to how hectic their schedules were, last night was the only night Kassi was free to do the movies. So she and the gang (her boyfriend, his best friend, and the best friend's girlfriend) came down. We started the movies at seven p.m. With the loss of an hour due to Daylight Savings Time, it was after eight a.m. when we finished.
And yes... somehow I managed to stay awake all night for this, save for maybe five minutes in small increments here and there. No one else did that, somehow, despite them all being less than half my age and theoretically used to this sort of thing.
I didn't bother going to bed when they left, though I did take an hour-long nap in the afternoon.
One of the things I had to do was take down the huge mother-truckin' mirror that hung above the fireplace. The reason being is that, if you were seated on the sofa against the wall, watching the movie on the screen, you'd see a backward version of the film in the mirror. So it's down, and in its place are half a dozen wrought iron tealight holders. Looks pretty nice.
The mirror could, I suppose, be mounted above the sofa, where I'd been watching movies before. But I'd really rather it just go away. It's big and gaudy, and I don't even really like mirrors to begin with. There are three other huge mirrors in the apartment already. Don't need this one. I'll get a painting or something for the wall above the sofa.
xoxoxo
AnaMarie
And I've just realised that my time would be much better spent reading the books over again, and drooling. Yummy, soggy books.
side note--I'm glad in the movie they preserved the feeling that Aragorn deserved that kiss from Arwen, sheesh I remember reading in the books . . . after waiting forty years, I mean . . . and Sam was so much like Samwise (except that he never beat Gollum, to my memory) . . .
Our Intrepid Hero has every reason to be in a state of readiness to accomplish daring deeds and make the world a better place by tomorrow at teatime. She woke up this morning. woot! She courageously hopped (can one hop with courage?) out of bed and shrewdly chose a pair of socks in which to face the marble staircases that lay in wait for just outside the bedroom door. Across the landing, the remarkable Toothbrush and Hairbrush sang choruses of gargling nonsense for two and a half minutes each. Nonchalantly (or was it lazily?) she made her way downstairs for a lukewarm cup of tea and, not willing to face the cold of the afternoon in a chilly solitude, stoked and poked the fire salamanders in the living room fireplace so that they would mutter for another hour. Then she went back upstairs and hen-pecked at her keyboard until her feline henchmen tittered their amusement audibly.
And then she sat at her keyboard, gazing blankly at the accompanying monitor. She did this for a little while longer, trying to see whether there was one of those "magic-eye" pictures hidden in the pixels. Her dressing gown began to feel an inadequate warmth-keeper. She shivered. In six graceful moves that tilted a picture frame, touched the head of henchman no.1, and stubbed her toe, a sweatshirt appeared over the head of our Hero and the world was right again. Everyone exhaled with relief.
As we can all tell, I'm feeling brilliantly inspired this morning.
I can't wait until classes begin again. By then, my living quarters (mental as well) will be somewhat less chaotic and easier to think in. I love being able to sit down to a (somewhat) clear table with a cup of something yummy, warm socks, and my favorite armchair. The feel of mechanical pencils and fountain pens, sound of beethoven whistling, breathing the light air of my room when the windows are wide open . . . the least I could do is have all that ready by the time the term begins. And now this entry is rambly and long and ready to be quit of. Besides, I want my cafe' latte . . .
woot! ROTK on friday:)
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