Lot Of Work @ MindSay 
love
We put a computer on a computer so you can blag while you blag
I'm about to get myself into some rocking loan debt.
The thing is, I was under the impression I'd be in France this year. Circumstantially, this ended up not being feasable. I had mostly written study abroad off after that as a pipe dream. That was until my logic teacher (who has this undeniable faith in me) approached me twice with study abroad attempts. The first would be in Germany to learn about philosophy and things. The whole shebang ended up falling through. Which sucked.
So he sent me an email a couple weeks ago talking about an opportunity to take two courses in Rome and Paris. I naturally jumped all over this. I mean, c'mon. Rome and Paris. To learn about the philosophy of love! And the history of sex and Christianity! COME ON HOW COULD I NOT DO THIS?
I haven't had a lot of the financial troubles that seem to plague all my friends. A lot of this I attribute to my parents giving me quite a hand financially (they are paying my tuition AND for my cell phone. Mom also occasionally puts fifty bucks in my bank account "for pizza"). I also don't have a car, so I don't have to worry about making payments on it. I also work two jobs.
I have some money saved up from when I graduated high school that I essentially haven't touched since. Why not put it towards something like this?
The only real trepidition I have is law school. I was already going to have to finance this through either scholarships or student loans. And the whole "buying a car" thing. And the whole "I am moving to Washington this summer" thing. I am quickly facing a lot of grown up issues that I had not intended to face yet.
I feel like I've busted my ass since I came to college, and now I kind of deserve this. Most of my teachers have the same faith in me that Dr. Kwong does. That I'm ambitious (which, I have learned, is not necessarily a bad thing). That I'll go on to do great things. I see none of this in myself. I think it's because there's been such a quick and drastic shift since high school when my advisers and teachers were all like "MERCY IT'S A WONDER YOU PASSED" to "Hey, you're like, one of the better students we have".
I'm not sure when I'm kidding myself and when I have legit confidence anymore.
Abit More Personal Rory, "Your Princess Seriously Is In Another Castle"
This is a little more serious blog than usual. Just a little more personal I guess, I was wondering if I should it private or public, but it really doesn't matter much. Been dealing with a girl recently or some time nothing too big until recently. And we all know how Rory is right? -Everyone gossiping- Hey I'm still here you jerks =P! I know a lot of you guys are like, "Rory soooo has a list of girls I swear I've seen it it's not a myth!"
I won't say no to a list, it's just never been written. And those girls know who they are. How many are there. I actually don't know and no it's not infinity, i really depends on how frequent I think of them and how much they intersect with me and have been able to deal with me this far haha. I would say top 5, with the number 5 rank always coming and going. Even with "ranks" every single girl I have ever met has impressed with something from them. It can be something that someone else may not notice, but I do and it sometimes is the only thing that makes me grow on them more and more. That's probably why there are so many girls, I always tend to find the good no matter what other people can't see. Anyways number 1 is actually here and Georgia, it trust me I work for a long time and sometimes I keep it to myself.
After this actual post you'll see a series of conversation. I only believe I'm a sweetheart because people make me into what I am. You're about to see some of the most magnificent stuff that is way much better than most the sweet talking I do EVER. It's really from the bottom of my heart that a lot of people do not get to see. Pretty much it's me confessing to a girl I really liked for sometime now.
What do I think of what was said. I have a lot of scenarios running through my head. Kind of a Win/Lose, or Even, Didn't go anywhere, She knows more now, showed my cards too quickly. I don't know anymore. Is there a problem wanting an incredible looking girl, she's just trying to go other places right when I actually show up in battle ready armor. Even at my no ABOVE my complete best I hear ,"Sorry but the Princess is in another Castle."
MakenZero: I know you had incredibly rough time as of late but any of the guys you were interested in check up on you at all?
C: no probably. that's probably why I haven't heard from any of them.
C: seriously, let's face it... I have too many issues for a guy to really and seriously want me
MakenZero: that's not true. You're not doomed either, those guys didn't really care yet that doesn't mean that you're the one who has so many problems. If there weren't problems then it would be boring. That's why girls don't date me most of the time, I'm too nice or too good to be true. Even troubled girls or whatever we want to call them even hesitate because they never seen someone like me. There's always a chance for you sweetie, and the person who breaks through all that will be one of the most caring people not to you but just to anybody because if they weren't they wouldn't be the right person for you. you don't deserve to be alone
C: i wish i could believe that.
C: but thank you.
MakenZero: you don't have to believe it. Just hope ^_^ and you're very welcome sweetie
C: you can hope for me. i'll just be alone until then. lol
MakenZero: lol well I kind of do to tell you the truth
C: thank you. truth is appreciated.
MakenZero: funny thing it can be at times that's for sure
C: i rather the harshest truth than the kindest lie.
MakenZero: Well that's very true. The thing I'm going to say is that, which is probably plain obvious. I really am taking quite an interest in you C. Probably since I've ever met you. You just hit me right place to open up and just have a little more fun than usual. It sounds silly but true. Even with all your troubles that you have or even continue to have, I've always been interested. I know that you and me are probably at different trials in our lives even if there isn't anything for a while I wouldn't mind trying to support you in some way. C you're very gorgeous girl and I know you haven't opened up really at all, you've shared quite a bit and I'm really moved by that. I'm a bit nervous because I wasn't sure if there was ever a time I could actually say this and expect anything at all. I'm trying to give it my best shot to show you something that you don't get to see very often. And that I'm interested and I wouldn't mind seeing you even to help each other out I just feel like I needed to say this finally as corny as that sounds. ^_^;;
C: Lol Rory I know all of this. I know when guys like me like you do, and I really do value your friendship and support. I think we are a lot alike, and I also think I have a knack at not being attracted/interested romantically to people who are interested in me. But unlike for me, I do believe in all my heart, there's someone better for you.
MakenZero: even if there is let me at least give you the valuable time that YOU deserve, sure not everybody can get what they want, but doesn't mean they can't have it for some time. I believe in my heart to give it my all for any person. Right now I'm trying that with you. It is understandable if you don't want a boyfriend and all, I just really like you simple as that, and would just hope for a better a relationship that could possibly turn into something more, if it didn't then it isn't meant to be or there's lots of things that you and me have to work on. It's more of the attitude and how positive you feel of yourself. I feel positive enough that I can help you a little, not a lot but just being able to slightly make your day. That's the biggest win of them all, especially for you deep down. There's always a way to work on relationships old, new, renewing and or continuing.
C: i'm not really sure what to say here... lol.
C: i know you try to help and i'm grateful for that, but i'm warning you... i don't accept it.
C: i can't. it's a defensive mechanism
MakenZero: I know it's totally understandable. As I said the person would have to prove himself to get through something like that. So I'm actually willing to even be there for you like it or not. I just want you to be a bit more happier than you already have been. And our talks really have been great. I'll take the warning and keep it in mind how about that, just let me know sweetie ^_^
C: lol ok. good. and i am happier than I was.
MakenZero: good things are working out slowly lol but there you go. I'm here to back you up and catch you from time to time. I can't catch you all the time I am a guy and human after all lol. I do feel a lot more relieved though it's been on my chest for some time. Didn't hit until really tonight, so sorry for bringing that on you.
C: nothing to be sorry for my friend. nothing at all.
MakenZero: I've helped a lot of people as far as I can remember. A lot of them mostly were in some kind f trouble or life was really taking a toll on them. I think I'm more grateful for them because they're the ones who truly see me for who I am, and never really take me for granted. I think that's why we work. Even with you pushing or sealing yourself away there's just that tiny tiny tiny opening. Only very certain people can see something like that and that no matter what we all seek help some how. I'm just glad you share enough of what you do already C and thanks for listening and taking the time to read and answer. That really meant a lot, because you're right. you just never know people sometimes but I think it was well worth the risk to even just find out where I stand as a whole...
I won't say no to a list, it's just never been written. And those girls know who they are. How many are there. I actually don't know and no it's not infinity, i really depends on how frequent I think of them and how much they intersect with me and have been able to deal with me this far haha. I would say top 5, with the number 5 rank always coming and going. Even with "ranks" every single girl I have ever met has impressed with something from them. It can be something that someone else may not notice, but I do and it sometimes is the only thing that makes me grow on them more and more. That's probably why there are so many girls, I always tend to find the good no matter what other people can't see. Anyways number 1 is actually here and Georgia, it trust me I work for a long time and sometimes I keep it to myself.
After this actual post you'll see a series of conversation. I only believe I'm a sweetheart because people make me into what I am. You're about to see some of the most magnificent stuff that is way much better than most the sweet talking I do EVER. It's really from the bottom of my heart that a lot of people do not get to see. Pretty much it's me confessing to a girl I really liked for sometime now.
What do I think of what was said. I have a lot of scenarios running through my head. Kind of a Win/Lose, or Even, Didn't go anywhere, She knows more now, showed my cards too quickly. I don't know anymore. Is there a problem wanting an incredible looking girl, she's just trying to go other places right when I actually show up in battle ready armor. Even at my no ABOVE my complete best I hear ,"Sorry but the Princess is in another Castle."
MakenZero: I know you had incredibly rough time as of late but any of the guys you were interested in check up on you at all?
C: no probably. that's probably why I haven't heard from any of them.
C: seriously, let's face it... I have too many issues for a guy to really and seriously want me
MakenZero: that's not true. You're not doomed either, those guys didn't really care yet that doesn't mean that you're the one who has so many problems. If there weren't problems then it would be boring. That's why girls don't date me most of the time, I'm too nice or too good to be true. Even troubled girls or whatever we want to call them even hesitate because they never seen someone like me. There's always a chance for you sweetie, and the person who breaks through all that will be one of the most caring people not to you but just to anybody because if they weren't they wouldn't be the right person for you. you don't deserve to be alone
C: i wish i could believe that.
C: but thank you.
MakenZero: you don't have to believe it. Just hope ^_^ and you're very welcome sweetie
C: you can hope for me. i'll just be alone until then. lol
MakenZero: lol well I kind of do to tell you the truth
C: thank you. truth is appreciated.
MakenZero: funny thing it can be at times that's for sure
C: i rather the harshest truth than the kindest lie.
MakenZero: Well that's very true. The thing I'm going to say is that, which is probably plain obvious. I really am taking quite an interest in you C. Probably since I've ever met you. You just hit me right place to open up and just have a little more fun than usual. It sounds silly but true. Even with all your troubles that you have or even continue to have, I've always been interested. I know that you and me are probably at different trials in our lives even if there isn't anything for a while I wouldn't mind trying to support you in some way. C you're very gorgeous girl and I know you haven't opened up really at all, you've shared quite a bit and I'm really moved by that. I'm a bit nervous because I wasn't sure if there was ever a time I could actually say this and expect anything at all. I'm trying to give it my best shot to show you something that you don't get to see very often. And that I'm interested and I wouldn't mind seeing you even to help each other out I just feel like I needed to say this finally as corny as that sounds. ^_^;;
C: Lol Rory I know all of this. I know when guys like me like you do, and I really do value your friendship and support. I think we are a lot alike, and I also think I have a knack at not being attracted/interested romantically to people who are interested in me. But unlike for me, I do believe in all my heart, there's someone better for you.
MakenZero: even if there is let me at least give you the valuable time that YOU deserve, sure not everybody can get what they want, but doesn't mean they can't have it for some time. I believe in my heart to give it my all for any person. Right now I'm trying that with you. It is understandable if you don't want a boyfriend and all, I just really like you simple as that, and would just hope for a better a relationship that could possibly turn into something more, if it didn't then it isn't meant to be or there's lots of things that you and me have to work on. It's more of the attitude and how positive you feel of yourself. I feel positive enough that I can help you a little, not a lot but just being able to slightly make your day. That's the biggest win of them all, especially for you deep down. There's always a way to work on relationships old, new, renewing and or continuing.
C: i'm not really sure what to say here... lol.
C: i know you try to help and i'm grateful for that, but i'm warning you... i don't accept it.
C: i can't. it's a defensive mechanism
MakenZero: I know it's totally understandable. As I said the person would have to prove himself to get through something like that. So I'm actually willing to even be there for you like it or not. I just want you to be a bit more happier than you already have been. And our talks really have been great. I'll take the warning and keep it in mind how about that, just let me know sweetie ^_^
C: lol ok. good. and i am happier than I was.
MakenZero: good things are working out slowly lol but there you go. I'm here to back you up and catch you from time to time. I can't catch you all the time I am a guy and human after all lol. I do feel a lot more relieved though it's been on my chest for some time. Didn't hit until really tonight, so sorry for bringing that on you.
C: nothing to be sorry for my friend. nothing at all.
MakenZero: I've helped a lot of people as far as I can remember. A lot of them mostly were in some kind f trouble or life was really taking a toll on them. I think I'm more grateful for them because they're the ones who truly see me for who I am, and never really take me for granted. I think that's why we work. Even with you pushing or sealing yourself away there's just that tiny tiny tiny opening. Only very certain people can see something like that and that no matter what we all seek help some how. I'm just glad you share enough of what you do already C and thanks for listening and taking the time to read and answer. That really meant a lot, because you're right. you just never know people sometimes but I think it was well worth the risk to even just find out where I stand as a whole...
The Men Who Cry
Lots of stuff to talk about so here I go! Did a lot of hanging out last night. We ended up at the Escobars' house playing Fatal Frame too a really scary game on the PS2 and we ended up watching Freakazoid season 2 which just came out no too long ago. We had one of the girls come down and hang out with us. Her name's Aerial she's a sweetheart was really shocked on how much cartoons she knew she's a bit younger but we talked fro Ahh! Real Monsters to Speed Racer to Inspector Gadget, like it was crazy. We all were thinking the same thing at parts and what not. Just never knew a girl who could rival or show a lot of potential and knowing as much animation. I knew Aerial must have watched a lot of tv when growing up not too bad I'm really impressed. Not surprised if every man on the planet is after her though lol.
We got so much into Freakzoid that none of us were tired but of course me I knew I had to get some sleep for work at 7 in the morning. We left the place petty much around 4:30 =_=. Yeah I know it sucked badly. I didn't get to bed until 5:40. Only slept less than a hour. So I went to work at 7 this morning and been up ever since I wonder if I'm going to shut down sooner or later, but I've been keeping up and doing things that's keeping me up I guess. I've actually been around just not blogging and commenting shortly here and there. You know when you meet some incredible they tend to blow your mind away. In ways that I can't even comprehend but I feel so blessed that they took the time to notivce me. I don't know it's a weird feeling. To be noticed because you know I'm always the chaser in a sense so for someone to just even compliment me or just even stop out of their way just to say hi and tell me I'm doing something good. It really hits me, I don't be good because I want to get notice but you know sometimes that's just how human nature works. We all need to be noticed, and perhaps this is a beginning of another crazy adventure but now someone who apperciates me a bit more than usual then most people would have.
Of course there's still quite a few numerous amounts of things to solve or just even talk about in the open. The reason for the title is that a lot of my real guy friends are having it rough. We've all noticed people who are truly true to themselves or just plain out real showing the world who they are yet could be easily taken upside down and their world rock. I have two guy friends. It's kind of funny saying it like that. Reason why is I actually really don't have a lot of guy friends. so they mean a lot to me becasue they really do hold a potential I think people should notice. The other night one of the guys Cameron's ex calls. They've started to hang out again and I was with them everything now and then. I was alright with it I didn't really care I don't think it's bad to talk to an ex I never ever ever had any problems. Yet seems like everybody else does in some way.
Pretty much she ends up dating a guy that broke them up again In the end Cameron ended up in the car, Bingham and I are pretty silent. We heard a little an it was pretty serious and the next thing we kne Cam was crying in the dark. There's always something about a guy crying in the dark that really makes it a cross roads for them Didn't even speak all we did was put a hand on his shoulder. It just makes me wonder, there are still good guys out there and that a lot of them get screwed over. Like I had set him up with anothe girl and the ex came back and he gave it up and started staying away from the other interest and I was like just keep your options open, and yet here we are now back at square one. Of course the ex is like go ask her out again.. You can't just do that, there's nt a rule but what does that tell that girl. Switching your mind back forth don't even know what you want.
Moving on things will some how work out but I ust wanted to shout out those guys because of seeing it really recently, they put a lot on the line but no one sees that. I'm running on very very very little sleep. But to leave off with something nice I have a picture of my niece to show you guys. Se you later gone to watch Yu Yu Hakusho and probably fall into a coma finally.
We got so much into Freakzoid that none of us were tired but of course me I knew I had to get some sleep for work at 7 in the morning. We left the place petty much around 4:30 =_=. Yeah I know it sucked badly. I didn't get to bed until 5:40. Only slept less than a hour. So I went to work at 7 this morning and been up ever since I wonder if I'm going to shut down sooner or later, but I've been keeping up and doing things that's keeping me up I guess. I've actually been around just not blogging and commenting shortly here and there. You know when you meet some incredible they tend to blow your mind away. In ways that I can't even comprehend but I feel so blessed that they took the time to notivce me. I don't know it's a weird feeling. To be noticed because you know I'm always the chaser in a sense so for someone to just even compliment me or just even stop out of their way just to say hi and tell me I'm doing something good. It really hits me, I don't be good because I want to get notice but you know sometimes that's just how human nature works. We all need to be noticed, and perhaps this is a beginning of another crazy adventure but now someone who apperciates me a bit more than usual then most people would have.
Of course there's still quite a few numerous amounts of things to solve or just even talk about in the open. The reason for the title is that a lot of my real guy friends are having it rough. We've all noticed people who are truly true to themselves or just plain out real showing the world who they are yet could be easily taken upside down and their world rock. I have two guy friends. It's kind of funny saying it like that. Reason why is I actually really don't have a lot of guy friends. so they mean a lot to me becasue they really do hold a potential I think people should notice. The other night one of the guys Cameron's ex calls. They've started to hang out again and I was with them everything now and then. I was alright with it I didn't really care I don't think it's bad to talk to an ex I never ever ever had any problems. Yet seems like everybody else does in some way.
Pretty much she ends up dating a guy that broke them up again In the end Cameron ended up in the car, Bingham and I are pretty silent. We heard a little an it was pretty serious and the next thing we kne Cam was crying in the dark. There's always something about a guy crying in the dark that really makes it a cross roads for them Didn't even speak all we did was put a hand on his shoulder. It just makes me wonder, there are still good guys out there and that a lot of them get screwed over. Like I had set him up with anothe girl and the ex came back and he gave it up and started staying away from the other interest and I was like just keep your options open, and yet here we are now back at square one. Of course the ex is like go ask her out again.. You can't just do that, there's nt a rule but what does that tell that girl. Switching your mind back forth don't even know what you want.
Moving on things will some how work out but I ust wanted to shout out those guys because of seeing it really recently, they put a lot on the line but no one sees that. I'm running on very very very little sleep. But to leave off with something nice I have a picture of my niece to show you guys. Se you later gone to watch Yu Yu Hakusho and probably fall into a coma finally.
What A Crazy Week
There is a lot going on lately I sometimes do not even know where to begin I woke up about 7:30 this morning. I am back at my mom's house for a good bit of the weekend. i went to do yard work, pfft A LOT of yard work it has been a while. Trying to recover from being sick a bit, I know I've been sick for sometime but it did go away but now there's a lot more to it. A lot of of emotions have been coming out, some sealed away incredibly to where they popped up and took their toll. Gosh I got to go to work at 11 and I do not want to go. I wanted to see someone off but I can't now. GRRR! I also have a bit of other stuff to do with school almost finishing up. Can I seriously make it or not who knows... Well got to shower now see you.
Wow Actually Surviving Into 2009
Well I'm not surprised it is 2009, I'm more surprised that I made it to this year a lot. As you mostly all know by now there's still been a lot of work and me trying to get money saved up for college. There's just no way to avoid the money issue anymore. Also I have been checking up on my status for the school, and I think they are screwing with me. So hopefully by Wednesday we can go up there and figure out something. Somethings not right and I hope it does not come back to bite me. School's practically just next week, and I have to start adjusting and getting books which is going to be more money. SLOW DOWN at work, probably switch to weekends or something. I need money but I rather go to school then be working really.
Things have been unusual as of late. Every time I go to work I see my neighbor walking her dog or walking with her son to drop him off at the school bus. She just recently had a baby last week, then this week she DIES of a massive heart attack. how insane is that. I grew up with her kids and they still live down the street. I was in total shock. What I think so far there must have been some type of complications with the baby. The baby's fine but maybe over a period of time something happen to the mom. Plus I was surprised she was having a baby for her age, she's not close to being mom's age but her kids are almost grown up and stuff. yet please send your prayers to that family, they've been together for so long and no one is ever really ready for something like that. Also same goes for anybody losing people around this time. The old folks trying to hang out throughout the holidays to make sure their loves ones won't go through such a hard time and everything.
What else is new with me? Well I just put a burner program on this computer finally. So Now I'm burning a lot of my old animes that I had on my external hard drive and making hard copies. Been meaning to and I still got to find a lot of my old stuff that took me forever. Finally caught up on Gundam 00 2nd season, it's freaking crazy what is going on in it.
Moving on, I am really interesting in getting a Net book, a more affordable laptop pretty much. They're getting really hot and they're not as expensive and do anything a laptop does except have a disc drive, which I already have plans to over come all that. Went by dad's today, one of the headlights on my car was out so we were fixing it, and I was telling him all the stuff about school and books and just how we should plan to work it out. Which led to me watching Richard Dean Anderson McGuyver haha. So taught dad how to use the HD tv his wife got. Found a lot of old comic books, not what exactly what I was hoping for what dad said but it's cool I'll look up what I have.
STILL haven't been able to work on my stories which sucks, I really want to get back into story writing but it doesn't seem like I am able to. Have so many ideas I can only write down this and that but no huge story from it anywhere. I really really want to change that. I guess I should make that a New year's Resolutions. Maybe next entry I'll write up a New years Resolutions. But you guys have to promise to help me out with it also what are you guys Resolutions and everything ^_^
Things have been unusual as of late. Every time I go to work I see my neighbor walking her dog or walking with her son to drop him off at the school bus. She just recently had a baby last week, then this week she DIES of a massive heart attack. how insane is that. I grew up with her kids and they still live down the street. I was in total shock. What I think so far there must have been some type of complications with the baby. The baby's fine but maybe over a period of time something happen to the mom. Plus I was surprised she was having a baby for her age, she's not close to being mom's age but her kids are almost grown up and stuff. yet please send your prayers to that family, they've been together for so long and no one is ever really ready for something like that. Also same goes for anybody losing people around this time. The old folks trying to hang out throughout the holidays to make sure their loves ones won't go through such a hard time and everything.
What else is new with me? Well I just put a burner program on this computer finally. So Now I'm burning a lot of my old animes that I had on my external hard drive and making hard copies. Been meaning to and I still got to find a lot of my old stuff that took me forever. Finally caught up on Gundam 00 2nd season, it's freaking crazy what is going on in it.
Moving on, I am really interesting in getting a Net book, a more affordable laptop pretty much. They're getting really hot and they're not as expensive and do anything a laptop does except have a disc drive, which I already have plans to over come all that. Went by dad's today, one of the headlights on my car was out so we were fixing it, and I was telling him all the stuff about school and books and just how we should plan to work it out. Which led to me watching Richard Dean Anderson McGuyver haha. So taught dad how to use the HD tv his wife got. Found a lot of old comic books, not what exactly what I was hoping for what dad said but it's cool I'll look up what I have.
STILL haven't been able to work on my stories which sucks, I really want to get back into story writing but it doesn't seem like I am able to. Have so many ideas I can only write down this and that but no huge story from it anywhere. I really really want to change that. I guess I should make that a New year's Resolutions. Maybe next entry I'll write up a New years Resolutions. But you guys have to promise to help me out with it also what are you guys Resolutions and everything ^_^
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