Lost Love @ MindSay

Scar reduction.

Turmeric Rub.

Mederma > Pharmacist

 

I could cry,

Just to see your face,

Next to mine,

In our secret place.

 

My heart says no,

When my soul says yes,

To a love we had ages past.

 

Don't let me cry,

Over love long lost,

Lest I die from these scars,

Bleeding from my heart.

WOW......no let me say it again WOW!

I can't recall every moment I cried over a specific friendship and love lost but I remember crying about it just the same. I remember asking people to pray for my sanity and well being. I remember sitting in the very darkest corner of my closet wondering why I was going through this voyage of hell. I remember being sisterly jealous of myclette,twentypearls94porkchopper  and a host of other women with true and undying love in their lives they were blessed to speak of,  in a no in your face kind of way.

I cried over that lost love, that divorced friendship. I questioned where my life would go from there and as usual I saw no way forward. I never wanted to steal anyone elses joy, I simply wanted joy of my own airmarked specifically for me.

Well I got a little bit of joy last night. No not a renewal of that lost love. Not even a mending of an old friendship, at least not in the way we as old romantics tend to think mending will be found. After months of not having that old flames happiness thrown in my face I was not only forced to be in his prescence, but once again I had to hear  about his happiness, his joy,his moving forward and his moving on. The worse part of the conversation? The conversation was one not shared between two lost friends, but one that was meant to be overheard for whatever reasons and thank God I overheard it. HES GETTING MARRIED!

As I listened to him talk about his joy I felt that tear that built up, you know that infamous tear created by Denzel Washington as he is having the man in him beaten out and tore down. I felt it building up and just as quickly as it began I heard a voice "O NO WE DON'T DO THAT HERE"

LORD it felt good. It felt good to know that what had become normal and something done out of habbit, could be broken and no longer controled me. I know what it means to be free. I know what it feels like to run through the valley, lift up your arms and sore like an eagle without fear of falling.

I thank you father. I thank you for healing and fixing me when the pieces seemed beyond repair.

Oh and after the voice siad oh we don't do that here...lol I did what I would never expect myself to do. I blessed him and I meant it and it felt good.

 

so there's this guy

he's my best friend

we'll be together

till the end

 

to see him happy

means the world

i'm glad he's with

such a great girl

 

they're in the halls

holding hands

i'm a tiny bit jealous

just cuz she can

 

and i can't

because she's his

but sometimes

his love, i miss

 

and not the love

between two friends

but the kind of love

that cupid sends

 

the love where you

can see the bond

inside the gaze

so warm, so fond

 

its almost like that

except his eyes

seem to hold

a silent sigh

 

i wonder if

he misses me

could he and i

be a we?

 

like it was

some time ago

i want it back

that much i know

 

but either way

as long as he

is happy

that's enough for me

 

i'll always miss him

but just his smile

will be enough

for a long while

 

his smile and

how he talks to me

my best friend

he'll always be

 

he's the greatest

guy in my life

has helped me through

so much strife

 

thank you

for being there

i'll always know

that you care

 

           I can feel it as the light fades. A haunting darkness chasing light away. Out of view you're just disappearing. Frozen as I stared straight through you. Seemed as if you were in fact there, but yet, not quite so at the same time. But was understood that we both knew it wasn't what we'd hoped for.

           As I spoke, you barely listened, avoiding my stare. Your eyes don't spark or even glisten anymore. You're stuck in a loop of a constant search for a completeness you'll never feel. I'm sorry I couldn't break your heart. I failed to let you down again but that should have been enough for you.

          Now it feels like time stands still. In these long days I've shrunken to half hearted smiles revealing me wholeheartedly broken.  I can't remember every word spoken. It's all a blur from the first glance down to the last. You're sweetest lies will forever be my deepest wounds. But my every thought is a pick at the scabs. I'll never let it heal. I'm still waiting, for my next chance.


Note : If you want to hear the song I wrote, inspired by this blog, It's on my myspace page here.  Click on 'Seeing Through You'

i've run out of complicated theories

so now i'm taking back my words

i'm preparing for the breakdown

your t-shirt lost its smell of you

and the bathroom's still a mess

remind me why we decided this was for the best...

 

because i miss you love

 

i know the distance is a factor

but i stretch as often as i can

i hope to reach your hands any day now

 

please don't blame me for trying

to fix this one last time

i have a hard time as it is

 

because i miss you love

 

don't act like you don't know me

it's still me, i haven't changed

i'll be here when you come back

 

and i miss you love.