Lost Life @ MindSay 
If I had a nickel for every time I said or thought 'I'm bored' I'd be a trillionaire! Could it be I haven't found my passion? Am I simply not experiencing life? Am I watching it fly by? Do I need a new location to help me experience life or does it even matter where one is?
Everything is lapidary[or set in stone]...the same..routine. I need a rush. I'm just rotting away slowly. I guess that's why my mother continues to proclaim she's dying. I want a life far different from hers. Her daily schedule, as well as mine, pretty much centers around the insertion and removal of food, talking, working, and sleeping. [only I seemed to have lost most of my sleep cycle]
I feel like I'm waiting for something to happen when I should be the one making things happen. Good moments in life are limited. I wish the next one would just happen already because I'm lost in this world of monotony.
Honestly, without music I don't know where I'd be. Music is the gift in My So-Called Life.
i lost my sight of us ...
is there a future waiting?
you're made up of everything i've ever wanted
yet you keep contimplating
there's you and me
or theres we
i dont know which you're going to choice..
which is ripping me apart
i guess you say you love me
but theres also the possibility of lies
you'd think i wouldnt care
seein what i have
but sadly i do
pick if you want me
or this life is through
~ i have no more blood to bleed
I can't believe any of this happened, you were one of the few people I truly loved as a person. You are beautiful inside and out. Why did you have to go? Why did you leave me alone so I can sit here and drowning even more into depression. You were one of the reasons why I believed the world was worth it for. I'm not saying this just because you're gone. It's not because of that.. I miss you even more, I miss you so much. I regret not being able to say goodbye."I'll see you later babe, you know I love you" I will remember the last thing I've ever said to you and I will never forget. I will never forget my last moments with you, even if it was only for a short period of time. Neither will I forget all the other times, good and the bad. We always made it through.
The life you lost will be my reason to keep on living mine. I wish there was more that I could have done to prevent you from doing what you did. I love you, I miss you, I wish I could have seen you beforehand-- so I could have the chance to tell you that it's alright, I'm here and I'll always be here for you. You seemed so happy, you had so much happening for you and why this had to happen, to you of all people, was just such a suprise. I didn't even believe it when I first heard... but knowing now that you're gone and lost from us forever... I don't know what to do. I will remember you always. Even though this sounds sappy, and I know how much you hate the mushy stuff, you will always be in my heart.
I don't care what you think about all this. I know you well enough that deep inside you're my squishy teddy bear with the exterior of a raptor. Thats why I loved you, you told it how it is, you never sugar-coated things. Thats how I knew I could trust you, thats how I knew I could confide in you. I never expected any of this to happen, you were the last person I would have ever thought to have done this.
How wrong I was.
I feel bad becase of it. I feel so guilty that I didn't see the signs, I'm still going over in my head if there were any signs. It's so hard nowadays with everything thats happened. You were my rock, you were the strength I fed off of when I thought I couldn't handle the world. You were the thing that reminded me to keep on going on in this world, with this life. I will continue on for you, babe.
I love you, so much