Lost Cell Phone @ MindSay 
my cell phone
clear the fusilage off the train tracks
the scavengers are picking at my bones
where I lay choking on your cell phone
-
and I'm your vomit on the ground
you chewed me up, you swallowed me, and you spit me out
I've lost all of my faculties
just another name in your long list of casualties
-
pick up the scattered and restless pieces
the bulletwound in my guts never ceases
throw it all outside the faded chalk outline
where your acid teeth severed my spine
you buried all our love in an unmarked grave
the ghosts of memories come like crashing waves
you stick the betadine into the open wound
while cadavers self-inflict with gratefruit spoons
stained by the remains of my heart
you're the one who blew it all apart
with the liquid explosives of your lies
I die everytime that we lock eyes
My MP3 player broke.
My cell phone got stolen.
And my latest blog just got deleted.
It was a long one too.
Grr.
I'm tired.
New York was fun.
Kind of dirty and grey though.
The tulips on Park Ave. are my favorite.
And the Virgin Megastore.
Heheheheh. I got new CDs. Yes.
TECHIE SPAZ:
The set to Wicked;
Amazing.
I love the concept they used.
And the fact that you could see the guys on spotlight.
I thought that was cool.
And their scene changes were fast as lightning.
I think they had motors though.
Next weekend I get to go camping with my daddy.
And weekend after next is Cat's birthdayy.
Birthday=party.
Woop.
Excitement.
PEACE.
It's the only thing, that there's just to little of.
I could have killed some of the guys last night. I just wanted them out of my room so I could problem solve. maybe have one friend with a cell phone that I could call the theatre. But this one guy was just being a dumbass. I don't know why he bothered me so much but he had just bothered me the entire night. I'm comfortable with most of the guys we hang out with... He just is as dumb as a rock and pretends to know a bunch. This other guy was being real nice but, it's awkward around him. So finally, I started to break into tears and I had my back against them and dinah ended up mothering me. Usually when people try to hug me, I slap them so it was a different behavior for me. I went to bed shortly after that--like at 130 almost two before the time changed. Yeah, I'm stressed.
They weren't reading my body signals--my nonverbals very well. I'm an expressive person. I admit it. My arms are tightly crossed, I can't sit still. I'm agitated. What would that suggest to you? ERGH. I WANT MY PHONE. I WANT MY ID because without it I can't go to the library. I am so out of control right now. I hate it.
Today at work, we had another "high profile" patient ....the husband is on tv nightly. I wasn't there (don't ask where I was) but I hear the couple was extremely rude, arrogant, and demanding. On tv he seems nice enough, but in person, not pleasant at all. what a disappointment. So we serve a clientele that's pretty affluent, highly educated. But often, along with that comes Asshole-ish Behavior. Nothing is good enough for them but the very best. They must be disappointed everywhere they turn.... They are too dumb to realize, they're not getting any better service by being nasty. All the more reason to make the visit short and sweet.
So, long story short, i lost my cell during the movie and i used Erin's phone to call the theater. they called me back on her phone to tell me that they found it, but i had to ID it. I tried to get a ride out to the theater, and Ryan and Reanna said they'd get it for me but since I was told I had to ID it i couldn't. so about an hour or so later, J-Box is done with dinner and so he takes me. I get there, and the guy behind the counter tells me that about 10 minutes before some guy matching Brandon's description came and got my phone. Now, that's sweet and all, but I WAS PISSED!!!! I was told I had to ID it, and now Brandon had it and I probably wouldn't have had it back last night which meant I'd have to see him again today and I really didn't want to and it was just bad. So I ate a bunch of candy corn and was yelling and telling Ryan and Reanna about it, and all of a sudden I hear this guy behind me say, "What are you yelling for?" I turned around and it was Brandon! With my phone! I was so relieved that most of my pissed off feelings went away, and I was just like, "you have no idea how much you scared me!" He felt bad, so I was trying to make him feel better and gave him three big hugs while he was here. (I was wearing a tight black tank top and my chain pants, and judging by the way he pulled his arm back over the curve between my rib cage, I think it made him very happy.) Thankfully he couldn't stay long and left, but GAH! After how boring he was after the movie and all that I just...grr, I don't even know. I was not happy.
And then he went back home, went online, started talking to me, and asked me out! I felt so bad cuz on the one it's really flattering that he likes me so much that he wants to me by boyfriend, but I'm really not ready for a relationship. I felt so bad turning him down cuz I know it's not easy to ask some one out no matter if you're a guy or a girl, At least I told him the truth. Honestly, I would not be happy in a relationship with him, anyway. This whole thing, though, has showed me that I truly can not handle a commited relationship right now. This is the first time I've been truly 100% single since January 19th, 2002. All these guys think I'm attractive and say they want to sleep with me and I can finally be free to go out and explore my sexuality to it's fullest extent. Besides that, and this is what I told him, I haven't fully moved on from Nam. We were together for a little over 15 months and broke up only cuz I came here. (Ok, so that last part isn't true, he dumped me cuz I'm crazy, but Brandon doesn't need to know that and if he want's to know he can read my myspace or this blog.) There's no way, even if I wasn't a slut, that i could handle a relationship when my heart still beats for Nam. I really do love him still. :(
I hope Brandon's not too devistated. He called me last night while I was on the phone with Nam, and I just played dumb and said i was easily confused cuz I was tired. I'm glad I still have Nam's friendship. I asked him what do do, cuz on the phone Brandon told me he has four days off this week and wants to come here for like two of them to spend time with me. I said, "we'll see." I really don't want him to cuz I don't like him that much. Nam said I should just be honest and tell him that, but not to do it harshly. Does any one have any other advice?
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