Losing Close Friends @ MindSay

wow... i got back from my sisters reception today and we were there from like 2:30 till 9:00 it was crazy...are receptions usually that long... shitttt. I'm feeling slightly useless and my heart feels heavy... Does that ever happen to you. I just found out that this guy i had been really good friends with (then we fought and made up again and we were getting pretty "close" if you catch my drift) is dating a girl he rejected once when we were really good friends a while ago... it kinda hurts. i don't know why seeing as to how i'm over him (i am). I don't know just i kinda thought we had a chance together. God, who am i kidding. Have you ever wanted anyone so bad that you have to assume the feeble position or sometimes you'll remember things he's said to you when he actually cared about you and it's suddenly harder to breathe or someone will remind you of him and you have to leave the room bc it hurts to much to be that close to him and not actually be near him. God, i'm in deep. I don't know how i'm gonna get through this school year i'm humongously fat. I have gottttttt to stop eating so much. Somedays i actually like to look sick. Sometimes i like to be pale and gaunt with big circles under my eyes. It makes people think "maybe she's not who we think". I wanna be the pretties wreck anyone's ever seen. Ever. I will be stunning by the end of the summer. Trust me. Anyway i'm gonna go to be. Wish me luck. Night.

I'm feeling a bit abandoned at the moment.

I have always had a few close friends within a close distance that I can always count on. Unfortunately it seems as if I am slowly losing contact with those friends as things in our life change.

My mood dropped today when I found out one of my closest friends is moving quite far away. Well, a few hours away, but she won't be going to the same school and there just to talk. It breaks my heart to see my social life disappear like this. Oh well. Life goes on, right?

I was finally feeling like I had a few friends at Columbia College, but now I am left there again. Now I won't have my best friend (someone other than Christopher) to rant about the other terrible people at the school (i.e. The Student Senate). For the first time in awhile (Since elementary school) I was feeling like I had a best friend to run to and talk about everything and now I won't have that--again.

I guess it won't be SO terrible, but with the wedding coming up next year, sometimes it is just nice to have a girl around--especially since she is my maid of honour--to just talk to. Now it is even more complicated because 2/3 of my part of the wedding party live a few hours away. Now more stress about making the bridesmaid dresses is pushing in on me and I am feeling a bit more overwhelmed. Ugh. There is some serious thinking I need to do about the wedding party situation.

Things are changing and there are somethings I don't like about it.

I'm going to go think about all of this and try to lighten my mood.

Yuck.

Any suggestions?

L.

Well, it is a Friday and here I am.

 

I don't have friends anymore. I don't feel close to anyone anymore.

 

I'll take my crappy roommate back, I just want the friends I had.

 

The grass is always greener on the other side, I suppose. Because last year I kept saying I didn't care if I had real friends, I just wanted people to go out and drink with. And I have that now.

 

I hope things turn around. I know everything always works out..I just hope it's sooner rather than later. It's not just my college friends, I am losing grip on my high school friends too..and I don't think there is anything I can do to change that..

 

I really suck at adapting to change. I hate hate hate change. I really do.

 

Tuesday after class Braydn and I went to Kansas City and stayed in the Great Wolf Lodge. It was so much fun, then Wednesday we went to the Garth Brooks concert. It was absolutely amazing. I really felt like I was watching part of history or something. I have been to a lot of concerts, but this is the best one by far. I will never see a better concert, that is for sure. SOOOOOOOO amazing.

 

This semester is almost over. I am excited. I am going to Germany over Christmas break for Camp, and I am soo excited!!

 

I think it is bad that I'm ready for college to be done. This is supposed to be the best time of my life. I know it won't always be like this. Things will get better, I know they will. I tend to get so negative..

Today was suprising a little, I thought I would bawl my eyes out but I didn't shed a single tear, reason being I don't think im gonna lose any friends really.  Im going to be around here im going to walk to swimming everyday like I always do, so why are people so freaked out there not gonna see me ever again?  Just because I go to college doesn't mean im going to fall of the face of the earth.  If my friends need me I will be there for them, so if any of my friends happen to read this and think im going to disappear and that you won't see me again your wrong.  I would just about kill for anyone of my close friends, so if you think your going to lose touch don't fret over it because you won't.  I love you all more then you could ever believe, so don't think for a second im going to let you lose touch.  Now that I have that off my chest, on to my physically exhausting part of the day.  A 400 meter IM thats something that I was worried about since the start of this week and it turns out it was pretty easy for me.  I still have a lot of events I have to do this weekend a grand total of 8, not including the one I did today.  Looking down the pool though I have to say is very intimidating, it looks endless sort of.  Anyways Sam you said you would talk to me later so if you read this either leave your cell phone # or just reply. 

 

Update: Im going to bed im beat, looks like im gonna be reading a lot this weekend.

Have you ever wondered why things change? I've been pondering this topic for a while lately. Why do people drift apart? It's often because people grow up and they change. I'm not as close with some of my friends as I used to be. And in the place of them, kinda, I've gotten closer to other ppl. So I guess because I lost friends I gained some too. But you can never replace that emptiness that comes with drifting away from a really close friend. It's always there. Kinda sitting in the back of your mind....picking and nagging till you aknowledge its there. I honesly can't ignore it anymore. I hate the fact that we all grow up and go our seprate ways. That we don't do the same things we used to. We get boyfriends, cars, better friends, and different opinions. We all drift away. Sure sometimes we come back and it's like things never changed...but until then you have that feeling of being tossed aside and ignored. I hate that feeling. I don't understand it. When I was little I had this deam of who would be my best friend till I died, who would be in my wedding, who would I room with in college and who I'd alwyas be the bestest friends with. It's changed so many times since then. I mean I'm 16 years old. It's had time to change. But there will always bee the memories there to keep me semi-satisfied. I love my friends....weither we're still close or not. Amd the is one thing that will NEVER change!!

 

Another thing about summer that i absolutely hate is how I can't see anybody anymore. I can't see my friends, Joel, or anybody. Sure there are those that I walk with and those i talk to butother then that it's nobody. Joel works 9 hours everyday and is dead tired when he gets home so he isnt really in the mood to talk. Which is understandable and ok. It's just frustrating. I'm used to talkin to him everday, all day. And now it's for 15 mins and the occasional txt message. It's the same with my girls. I hardly talk to most of them. But everybody has there own lives to get on with. I get up, I help mom, eat supper, talk to Joel, I go to bed. Maybe go for a walk in there somewhere. I have no life in the summer!! GR!!!

 

That concludes my whining!!

 

I HATE SUMMER!!!

 

TTFN