Lose Weight @ MindSay

And I thought I was just psychic.....

 

 

Having an anxiety attacks gives you the feeling of knowing something wrong is going to happen, and usually something does. I guess believing and trusting that I knew something terrible was going to happen, something always did. But it was just an anxiety attack. Loser.

 

So today for dinner (and the rest of the month) I'm going to be living on nothing but liquids. Tomato soup here i come. YUCK. But you gotta do what you gotta do right? I need to lose soo much weight. I started my job at a daycare and working with children is a great workout. Pushing swings non-stop, running after children and constantly picking up little ones really burns those calories. And the best part is I dont even realize I'm buring them. But I need to start running. Even though I hate it, running is a great help to slim down hips and thighs and I really really need that. I downloaded tons and tons of "running" music hoping that would motivate me even more. Honestly, I do not want to lose weight in a healthy way. Probably because, its not going to give me the results I want. I want to be thin. Not healthy. Healthy is having a little meat on your bones and having a little somethin' somethin' on your butt. I want a lot of nothin' nothin. I mean, I'll always have hips, tits and ass, but going on crash diets and the look I want to achieve, I think, will look good on my frame..HAHA, I dont know what I'm talking about, BUT I'm trying to get down to 120. That's a good weight I think. And with the help of the Apidexin I orderd and the 500 cal. intake a day...I can get there in four months. Maybe quicker if I gather up the courage to order that HCG protocol shit. That stuff works! I already have Cylaris and it does work but it makes me feel very light-headed and just woozy. Sooooo, I think I might stay away from that for a while.

 

School starts tomorrow, 'll tell you how it goes....

Yay I am almost all the way back on my feet again from this illness! Thank God! I really didn't know if it would be the end of me. Had membership class today at church, which was fun. 3 more to go and then I can become a member if I want. My ministry starts on the 21st. I was talking to some friends online about how to lose weight, and the stress diet came up. The question was how to keep the weight off after all the stress that made you lose the weight is over. I still dont know. I went back up with about 1/2 of what I lost, I think. My pants got a bit tighter. That could just be the redistribution of my proportions. Ack! Who knows. I probably lost some weight this week with this illness. I was so nauseated I didn't even want crackers. Terrible! So I didn't eat anything for at least 2 days and then forced myself to eat at least once a day the rest of the week.

Some have been wondering about my diet plan, so I'm posting about it.

I'm using the plan from www.arbonne.com of which I joined to receive the discount of 35%.  I generally order about $250 every 4-6 weeks and so the sign up cost of $29 was very reasonable to me.  (better than paying full price)  I'm using the Figure 8 Weight Loss program in it's entirety including protein shakes, fiber shakes, herbal tea, metabolism supplement, energy drink, and between meal dietary chews.  (if you would like more information or would like to order products or sign up, let me know, I'll connect you with my sponsor) 

In addition, I walk walking 2 miles 4-5 times a week, and tracking my calories and exercise on www.sparkpeople.com  If you check out that sight my ID there is MissChellee

I talk about my weight loss goals to anyone who will listen and tell everyone that I am working hard to lose weight.  I have lost 21.5 lbs at this time and have 37.5 lbs to go.

I allow myself a shopping trip after each 20 lb increment, and after I reach the 40 lb mark, I will make an appt with my dr for a referral for  body fat and hydration tests to determine how much more I should lose.  I'm down 2 sizes and would love to lose 2 more.

I'm more than happy to talk with you about what I'd doing, and I'd love to help you live a more healthy life as well.

I used to be a heavy kid.  I was for most of my life and it always seemed normal to me.  Eventually though, I realized that I hated the way I looked.  At my heaviest I weighed 220.  I then decided to actually get in shape and I lost roughly 52 pounds.  So there I was weighing 168 pounds while standing 6 feet 2 inches tall.  Needless to say not the best look.  I then lifted more and more and cut back on the cardio and I got to around 175-180 which I felt was a good weight for me.  However I became careless and eventually my weight is now hovering around the 195-200 mark.  This is a place I haven't been at in many, many years.  I have been told that this is a good weight for me and that I shouldn't try and lose too much.  In one ear and out the other.  I just recently finished up a stretch where I went over 100 hours without any solid food.  Now I had tea and smoothies and shakes etc. but no solid food.  Result?  10 pounds lost in a little less than 5 days.  I ate on Easter and again today but thats mainly to get my intestines back on track because with no solids coming in, there aren't any coming out either.  I have always had a negative self image and that has manifested itself in many different ways, one of which is my extreme dieting habits.  I intend on doing what it takes to drop this weight and get back to where I want to be.  It shouldn't be too difficult.  I don't eat the junk I used to when I was fat and I go to the gym 4-5 times a week.  Everything should work out well.  I'm not addicted to anything and I have no vices, so I might as well be addicted to self deprivation.  

So I think I'm just going to take this in parts and in memories.

 

one.

 

After my initial "lets see what this does" purging, my parents took me to two doctors. One to tell me what was wrong in my head and the other to tell me what was wrong with my body. I feel like neither of them fixed anything. During my junior high years I really made an attempt to lose weight and take the right steps to liking myself. My mom did her best to be supportive. She always made healthy food, would take me exercising with her, and even joined Weight Watchers with me. All temporary fixes. By the time I was 15 I was 5'4 and 183 lbs. I digusted myself.

In retrospect, I think my mom should have handled my situation a little differently. I really wish she would have focused on fixing my self-esteem issues rather than just trying to help me lose weight. Like every other teenage girl, I was an emotional rollercoaster. I was always involved with sports, music, and school activities but I never had any close friends because I never felt like I could relate to anyone. Partly due to the fact that I hated my body and my felt like most people didn't really want to hang out with a fat chick. I know I was difficult to deal with for both my parents and I know they did their absolute best in raising my brother and I, but that doesn't mean that everything worked out. I dunno. I suppose I just want to be able to pin-point where things went wrong and one huge thing that stands out in my mind is the kind of support my mom gave. What 13 year old girl should be in Weight Watchers? At that age my body was still developing and changing. I used to get up and 4:30am before school so I could go to the gym. Its a good thing to do, but how many 8th graders do you know do that?

I had lost a little bit of weight while on the swim team of sophmore year. I was floating around 165 and pretty much stopped there up until recently. At this time I was enrolled in Weight Watchers for my second time. I think thats when I started keeping my book. It was my food record where I logged everything I put in my mouth surrounded by pictures of stick-thin women. I remeber, if I had a bad eating day, writing awful notes to myself so I would see them whenever I looked inside, things like "fatt ass" and "pig." I feel like a complete idiot remmebering these things. how stupid was I? How stupid am I? For a while there I was losing 4-6 lbs every week at my WW meetings because I wasn't eating much of anything. If i did eat, I generally barffed it up any way. Of course that didn't last long and I was okay again for a while.

I graduated from high school after three years and left for college and it got bad again. I was not into the university I was attending. It was too close to home and just a big party school. Second semeter I was very stressed and depressed. I wasn't sleeping, my hair was falling out, I was in a stupid relationship, and just plain feeling horrible. I started purging again. I think I've concluded that the urge-to-purge is triggered by depression. I feel hopeless and out of control and for some fucked up reason purger makes me feel better.

Since about a year ago I've been purging 3-4 times per week with the exception of a few several week breaks. Since then I have also dropped down to 140 lbs. I'd be happy to lose another 15 lbs which is the goal I'm working on now.

So much more to tell. But right now I'm going to leave it here and we'll see where this takes me.