Long Week @ MindSay

This past week or so, since I last posted has been very hectic. Monday, the SCAdians got to meet John. That was...........Interesting? Amusing? Scary? Meh, he didn't seem to care too much...
Work has been going ok... 80 hours a month make me cry tho.... yes, a month.  i'm bringing home $200 a paycheck... this sucks... if it wasnt for the kids, I would have been un-employed a long time ago. Meh, i'm doing my thing and looking for a diffrent job now as I type this. I'm a good lifeguard, good baby sitter, good model and a decent cake decorator... give me something that pays at least $8.00 an hour, with 40 hours a week and I can live on that.

Friday I went out to the club, and was having a really good time until John started getting abusive. this chick danielle and I were out dancing and John came over, so I started dancing with him, and he grabbed my neck. I told him to stop, and asked him how much he had to drink up until that point. He told me he was still sober, but I didn't believe him. A few minutes later, I tried kissing him, and he grabbed my wrist and tried to stare me down.  If anyone reading this knows me, i usually don't mind either of those acts, IN THE BEDROOM. we went outside, and he started trying to pick fights with everyone there.  At that point I got pissed, went back upstairs, and told my new chick friend that i was leaving and we exchanged phone numbers.

I am not my boyfriends bitch. I will not be abused, and im not going to lay down and just take it, because I don't want to start anything, or hurt his feelings. Fuck that. I deserve better.

So, driving home at 2.30 in the morning, pissed, mad at John, mad at myself, feeling like I wanted to cry, and scream, and flip on everyone and there brother. I hit a patch of black ice, the wind grabbed my car, and I flew into a ditch. As we hit the water, and my car got tipped in sideways. I asked Dave if he was ok, and I think I asked it in the middle of flying through the air. I dont remember. In any event, I tried to get out of the driver side door, and when I opened it, all the water that was in the ditch where I landed, rushed into my car. So, I got out on the passenger side, and called 911. After waiting for almost an HOUR in a cold car, after I had drained my battery, the cop showed up... he asked us if we were ok, who was driving, who the car was registered too, this that and the other thing. So, I waited in the back of a cop car for another hour, until Parises Towing showed up.. the kick ass guy let me wait in his warm truck while him and Dave pulled my car out. We got back to Batavia, dropped him off, and the guy took me back to Attica. I got home at about 5.30 went to bed at 6 and woke back up at 7 and went to work... I worked from 8-3, came home, and was in bed by 8.00 pm... between one hour of sleep, 5 cups of coffee, and little kid energy... I made it. My car wouldnt start sunday, but after my dad and I tinkered around with it, we figured out that the battery was just dead, so i lay it go for 2 hours on the charger, and  VROOM VROOM LIVES!

Sunday rolled around, and John and I talked. and talked, and talked... I told him excatly how I felt, and he told me that he was quitting drinking. I told him it better not be just because of me, and he swears up and down that  its not. I'm happy for him, and I hope this is what he wants.

Humpday is there...thank the Lord! I'm still feeling pretty much like crap, but at least the week is halfway done, or at least it will be by noon today. And I'm so ready for the weekend. I feel like I didn't get a weekend at all this week, so I can't wait to just have a little time to relax (and maybe get a little crazy!) after this long week.

I can't believe what has happened at Virginia Tech. It is just so sad to me that there is so much violence and confusion in the world. How could anyone be so cruel as to do what was done there on Monday? It is beyond my comprehension, and it saddens me.

I am so ready for this semester to be over. Of course, I don't get much of a break because I'm taking mini-term and summer classes (12 hours!!), but I'm excited to start new classes. I love taking classes over the summer.

So maybe I'm a stuck-up bitch, and pretty much a horrible person to feel the way that I'm feeling about a certain thing just now, but I can't help the way I feel, even if it is a snotty attitude to have. But basically I feel the way that I do, and anyone who disagrees with me is welcome, but they're not going to change my mind.

That is all...

This week has seemed like it took a year to end, yet was not as productive as I needed it to be. Employee evaluations, discussions, numbers restricted to a bell curve and not performance. So much needed to be done, a lot actually was done but not enough. So another weekend spent in front of a square sliver of light pushing words around on the screen in an attempt to make them play nice with each other and with me. The crackberry on my nightstand angrily scolds me even at this hour like I am a wayward child hiding from my chores because I do not respond.

 

Random thought running:  Caveman takes a piece of charcoal and records a hunt for survival on the wall. Me, the sound of keys tapped on a wireless laptop, records scenes of my life,  bits of charcoal dispersed out into space. 

 

In some ways it has been a very good week.  My best friend invited me over for drinks and I got very pleasantly tipsy while drinking the two pitchers of margaritas with him. We had a very good talk about past lives and hope for future loves.  I want him to find happiness. I think he needs to look inside first before looking outside for a source of happiness, but it is his search and I, sadly, as much as I would like, cannot provide a destination.  By evening's end, bodies remembering, but friendship attained.  A wobbly circle drawn in charcoal on the wall, ends meeting finally back at the beginning of our journey. I love him and want him to have what he needs, wants, and deserves. For all his pain, he is fortunate in some ways. "Love in solid form" he has.  He is a good father to his son.

 

In the constant noise of my life, my son and my husband, downstairs loudly discussing the rearrangement of furniture. My financial windfall for 18 months of weekend and night work spent in one keystroke to order a lift chair for my husband. Measurements taken, diagrams drawn.  In the end it will be trial and error and scuff marks on the hardwood floor. Random thought: Amazing how large love in solid form becomes at 22 years of age.

 

Dear Heart seems pleased with the gift  I sent him.  Happiness; even though not the physical touch I crave, but electricity arcs.  In the blink of an eye, it spans the distance of  2 dozen years, several  states, and a lifetime, dancing across my fingertips.

 

 

What a long week. It's hard to believe it's Friday. Ever since last Friday, things have been just one thing after another.

So Amanda had surgery to remove her tumor last week (she had one in her breast). Then they discovered she had non-hodgknins Lyphoma. She's been in the hospital all this week for tests and chemotherapy.

On that account, the house has been awfully quiet. My mom is at the hospital all day and my dad is at work or at the hospital. So the house is totally dead zone without its occupants.

If anybody is the praying type, pray for my family, please.

***

Anyway, I want to write on a brighter note.

The brighter notes deal with XA, as they usually do. I am coleading dgroup this year with the beautiful Ashley White and the very fashionable Jackie Heffernan. The wonderfulness of it all. I couldn't ask for better people to lead dgroup with. God is truly good. I wasn't sure if I even wanted to take up being a dgroup leader. Then Liz asked if I wanted to assist two coleaders and then colead with one of them when the dgroup breaks and then I would eventually lead on my own when the second one breaks. I jumped on that idea. Seriously like God was looking out for me. Which he always is.

A team (leadership in XA) training (aka ATT) was the best weekend of the summer. Some of my favorite XA people were there. I knew everyone (well except Liz's bro) who was there. I am so psyched to be working with all these people. This past year, XA has helped me grow. God put me right where I needed to be. It's funny how you think you don't want to be someplace (like me and WSU) and it ends up just what you needed all along.

May the Lord Jesus bless!

-Niccy

It's been a really long week...wish I could look forward too the weekend...but I have to work the entire damn thing...
*sigh* I do get paid tomorrow though which will be nice...
I'm really down right now...I just went through all the saved e-mails I had and the vast majority of them where from Leif...
And now I have to go try and make it look like I haven't been crying because it's 5 and I have to be to work by 6...
All this crap is just worthless...o.o supremely worthless...and I just told a friend "If you are going to screw up your life then fuck off...you just lost a friend for your stupidity"
And I really don't care that I'm heartless right now...
so don't waste my time telling me I am so...

nice...

So...I'm not exactly in a fabuolous mood...I got yelled at for 'avoiding' my problems?
Can't fix what you can't get too?


I feel like I got ran over by a really big truck and I'm not in the mood for people to antagonize me...

so don't.