Long Time Ago @ MindSay

The distant bells are ringing,
In a small town in my soul
Dream up, dream up...

Strange it is that today I find that I wish that my PDA was still operational, but not because that it had more functions than my Palmtop PC. I find myself longing for colours to gaze upon, bright and joyous colours of the rainbow, and not the gray-scale hues of this ancient piece of technology that was only made operational due to the fact that my PDA was no longer. Interesting it is that something as simple as colour brought so much joy to my bleak hours of typing. One day I will purchase another PDA and again enjoy all the colours that my senses can perceive, but for the time being I must be satisfied with the various shades of gray that I see before me at this moment...

It is just interesting to think that something as insignificant as colour would be missed of all the things that my technological devices possess. And stranger still is the fact that my first computer had a monochrome monitor and I spent so much time using it, so very much time, so very long ago. My devices and I have come so very far from where we began this journey though for the sake of portability I have taken a step back along this path. Though I wonder if I had an unlimited stream of capital, would I have taken this step back in time? Would I be missing the colours of life at this very moment or would I be enjoying millions of shades of every colour that can be seen with the unaided eye? These things I wonder about as I sit here reflecting upon the technology that has brought me to this point in my life...

And I also wonder how my life would be different if I had never discovered that my comprehension of technology is adequate enough to allow me to take devices that must would have cast aside long ago and turn them into functioning pieces of equipment that I can use for my own benefit. How would I be different if I still used and pen and paper to visually express my vision of my world? I wonder...

And so I shall wonder about the impact of technology upon my life and all the while miss the fact that I do not have colour at this time, and yet I shall have much joy in the fact that more will read this than if I had written with pen and paper. So much is in my brain and this is a very good thing that I shall rejoice in...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

Its hard to turn around and actually look at yourself flaws and all and admitt where you have come from, where you are and where it is you desire to go. I have come so far from the old me that sometimes I have to ask myself was time that so long ago or has the pain freed itself away from me that what I thought would never be funny has me crossing my legs.

As far as the house is concerned I have one week left and I the speaker phone has been used to bring calm in every space of this house. be it my mother, my aunt or myself this placed has been prayed upon so much I have not really needed my sleeping pills.

As far as work, well if you have been a friend since Jan you may recall I was accused of creating a hostile work enviornment. I can look back and admitt that I need to loosen up but in no way did I ever knowingly attempt to cause anyone pain, but I did and for that I was punished in more ways than I could ever imagine.Long story short I have not only been given an invitation for a classm but there is a spot opening at the dept. 7pm-3am

Can you say THANK YOU!

Sorry I dont know if you heard me. I have been on midwatch from 11pm -7am since 99 and now I have the chance to work something that appears a little more mainstream and its m-fri.

I am so blessed in this moment.

Please continue to pray for the house, especially Mike Howard (to some it may be a great deal to ask for but I neeed your prayers for him as much as myself as he does)

Be loved,blessed and happy!

And if there is no room upon the hill
And if your head explodes with dark forebodings too
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon...

And so it was that on this day I was handed a small plastic cup and told to fill it as much as humanly possible. And this cup will the fillin's I had added was handed over to someone else who then poured it from the cup into a small plastic vial that was then capped and sealed for all eternity...

Maybe this small plastic vial will be placed into a time capsule so that future generations may gaze upon in and wonder as to its contents, marveling that someone so very long ago would take some time out of his busy schedule to fill a small plastic cup and have it then transferred to a small plastic vial so that it could be sealed for all eternity though eternity is a very long time to be sealed so let's just say that it would be sealed until some later time in the long history of this universe...

But what will become of my fillin's once they are unsealed and set free onto this planet? Where will they venture forth to? What strange sights will they see and experience in a land so far removed from their creator? Will the fillin's miss me?

Alas, I grow sad from thinking that what I had created is now somewhere far, far away and I know that it will never return...

Alas...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

My Grandpa has bone cancer. We've known for a long time, well I didn't...but my parents did. He's been in Bismarck almost every day for chemo. They don't expect him to be here by May. My Grandpa's a wonderful man...the sad thing I never took the time to sit down and talk about him and his life, ya know? It's like I never had time for him and now that he's dying I wish I could go back ten years ago and spend more time with him.
My uncle has bladder cancer AND lung cancer. Ever since I was little I got to see him twice a year, once in the winter and once in the summer. Every single year for as long as I can remember. And I've always looked forward to that too. Well it's winter now and it's next week that should be my time to see him for winter. But he's not coming, he can't. He won't be going to work for the next two months either. Now he's a wonderful man also...why didn't I take the time to talk with him either?

To shine down your light now
And keep the little one safe and warm,
'cause to her it's just a fantasy
And to me it's all a mystery....

Lo! If I could only tell the world all things that are spinning about in the deep dark corridors of my mind I would, but being there is not much spiraling out of control within my cranium at this time for the storms of February have overrun the area in which I currently reside. The snows have fallen heavily upon the world outside my window, and the temperature is such that if on happens out into the tempest unprepared, one may find his or her skin dying upon contact with the winds...

And so the storm is mighty and stretches from north to south. And Mother Nature in all her fury refuses to allow global warming to heat this frozen tundra that I call home. And I sit here wondering why none of this bothers me in the least and why nothing outside my brain is having any impact upon all that is not going on within the cramped space between my ears. What shall I do to remove myself from the apathetic groove that I now find myself in the midst of? The world is swirling around me, eddies of the outside world try to get my attention, but for some reason beyond my comprehension none of it is of any importance to my soul for at the moment it has turned itself off and I cannot find the switch to rectify this situation...

And the snows keep right on falling, clouding my thoughts, placing a fog over all that I wish to wonder about. And they keep right on falling with no end in sight, covering the world that I see before me, covering the work that I had done the day before, hiding everything that I had known from my gaze...

It is strange to be out and about during the storm, all is quite, all is still, all has gone into hiding from the Forces of Nature. To sit and listen - actually listen - to the snows as they fall is at times magical, a white noise that drowns out all else. And yet there is something primordial that wants me to flee in terror, to run off and hide from the snows, something in the deep dark past is horrified by the experience. And yet I must stop and listen to the sounds coming from the darkness...

There was a time so very long ago whence I was living with my parents that I would sit on the back porch and just listen to the snow as it fell upon the high-voltage lines that ran through the woods behind their house, it was a wondrous time with the electric hum of the snow buzzing through the valley. There were so many things that I enjoyed back then that I miss from my life, and it is times such as these when I am living through the storms of February when there is not anything to do other than watch it happen that I am reminded of things from long ago now forgotten...

And such is this day in the history of the universe...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...