Loners @ MindSay

I am here to say that co-dependency is good, just like greed is good.  Taken in moderation and where all parties know the rules of the game, co-dependency is good.

I mean, if we weren't somewhat dependent upon others, we would be all alone.  We would choose to be all alone.  And you know what they say about loners...  If you aren't dependent upon someone, hopefully co-dependent for a 2-way friendship, then you are not social and might be dangerous.  Ergo, people not in co-dependent relationships are dangerous...  Ok, there are some leaps there in the logic, but there are points to be made here.

We choose our friends.  We may or may not choose whom we love, but we do choose whom we hang out with.  Aren't we drawn to people who satisfy our needs, wants, and desires?  Aren't we drawn to people who have the opposite interests and opinions, as well as people with common interests as our own?  We want the comfort of the common interests (which can be co-dependency).  We want the opposite or different interests and opinions for the challenge, interesting conversations, and for help with things we cannot do as well, and to feel good from helping them.  The latter (liking opposite or different people) is more likely the co-dependency aspect, but it helps make us whole and to achieve the best that we can be.  We learn from those people.

Why is co-dependency expected in friendships, but not in relationships with significant others (spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends)?  The phrase, "what else are friends for?" muttered after a friend helps you, is so common and so constricting at the same time.  If that phrase is muttered at you, and you never mutter it to your friends, then you must not be doing your part in the co-dependency relationship;  you must be lazy or selfish if that is the case, and you are taking advantage of the friendship.  The phrase is also constricting because it sounds like friendship is only meant to be an exchange of favors, and nothing more.  Is co-dependency really the only reason for friendship?

Co-dependency has gotten a bad rap, in my opinion.  In a significant-other relationship, it is a word spoken carefully because it has such rotten undertones.  I have a spouse with just enough similarity for the comfort level, but enough differences to keep it interesting.  Together, we could take over the world, because whatever I am not good at, he excels, and vice-versa.  "United we stand" kind of thing...  He also makes me want to be a better person.

This brings me to the topic of friends with benefits.  "Friends with Bene's" if you will.  Why is this becoming so common?  It is not restricted to any age group [anymore].  Is co-dependency growing beyond the needs of non-sexual favors, to include all kinds of favors, to satisfy all kinds of needs and desires?  Do we label it as friends with benefits, because that can remove the stigmatism of the "socially"-accepted negative term "co-dependency" that is easily attached to significant-others relationships?

Are we becoming more co-dependent as a human race?  Is that because we are becoming more needy, helpful, ... what?

Co-dependency can be good for a long time.  Just remember the rules.  "All things in moderation..." and "As long as nobody feels hurt by it".  Simple rules, but so difficult to follow...  You may need a friend to tell you if you are in a co-dependent relationship.  Irony intended.