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The type of girlfriend I am

One time my boyfriend was insecure and told me I was too independent and he didn’t know how to handle it in a relationship so I printed out a few “how to love an independent girl” articles, scribbled some anecdotes on them, and told him he had homework.




Trust issues
For me, trusting my boyfriend is less "is he going to be flirting with girls at this party tonight while I'm gone" and more "will he log on to read my blog since I left my laptop behind for him to use" 

Oh, I trust him. Especially because he's told me before that just the idea of what I could be writing in my blog scares him. 

I mean, it should haha he's right to be scared

hashtag independent lady problems
So this is silly but all these Valentine's Day things keep popping up in stores now and for the first time in my life I actually have a real valentine lol so like I don't know how to shop for this

especially because Harry was like "I already know what I'm getting you for Valentine's Day-- it's not chocolate, so if you want chocolate, you need to buy that" lol whatever

I kinda think though he's just getting me a replacement one of those plastic to-go cups . . . I had a purple zebra striped one and I had it on the stove top (don't judge me okay we don't have a table lol) and he didn't realize it and turned the burner on and ruined  my cup and he felt really bad about it even though I was not upset at all but I know he really wanted to buy me one while he still worked at Spencer's

oh yeah so they didn't put him on the schedule this week so we are assuming he is jobless so whatever

he's upset because they are not letting him pay off his probation early (his parents gave him money at Christmas to do this)

Also I'm in one of my "I miss home" a lot moods currently. Eh.

Alright, let's go
I know you guys want to know how my life is going lol and the logical, rational mind explanation is that my life is actually just fine. Harry works 40-50 hours a week (normally 4 10 hours days but sometimes 5 10 hour days depending so) so I spend most of my day as I would if I were home alone. Except I spend less money. But you know. So I either chill at home all day walking around or I go for a drive for a little bit or I walk around the mall or whatever. Then Harry and I hang out when he gets home at night and we hang out all day on his days off. That's the nutshell of how my life has been.

The other side to how my life is been: on days when Harry works, I literally start binge eating as soon as he leaves the house. What the fuck. Like I probably already ate 1000 calories this morning and I started 40 minutes ago. However, once my initial binge is done, I fuck around for a while (I've been exercising a bit again, nothing too serious of course because my barbell is at home :( but I miss the weight training . . . I think. I dunno.) and then I eat like one more time (either like a normal person or a smaller binge) but then I stop eating . . . until the next day. So like I'm usually not eating anything after 7pm the latest, and then I won't eat again until 11am the next day, unless it's a day that Harry is off because then I eat on his schedule and I'm not likely to eat until around 3pm or later lol so it's almost like my body is naturally doing intermittent fasting, which is funny because when I was lifting weights this was something I wished I could do but couldn't ever actually make work with my schedule. I just don't know if it's harmful to me or not yet? I will say that 75% of the food I have been eating (not just overeating) has been peanut butter (or just peanuts). Usually not "clean" or "healthy" peanut butter either, but for a few weeks now I think I've been going through a jar of peanut butter every 3 days. And that is with practicing restraint lol

I was homesick really badly Wednesday morning. Cried and everything but then made myself get over it until Harry was late coming home that night (I can usually expect him home around before 11pm but he didn't get home until 2:30am . . . he called me and explained but I was already in an upset mood that day so) and then I was just awful again I dunno. My homesickness comes and goes in spurts. I just really wish I was living on my own closer to everyone else I love. I can always come home of course but I do mostly like living with Harry and how our lives are when we're together. I just want to stick it out here until December. I think that's fair.

I'm actually going home next weekend and I'm so scared because last time I went home it really fucked me up (I was already homesick before I even left my house) so I think to feel that now that I've pretty much adjusted would be too intense. But I can't go too long without seeing my mother AND it's Jen's birthday weekend. Plus I told Dish I wanted to go out drinking with him. I miss my boys.

Better highlights: let's seeee um I should've blogged about the stuff we did last week but it involved Harry working a table at a wine tasting (serving slices of pizza from his pizzeria) so I went to a wine tasting for the first time and that was awesome. . . also last week we went to Einstein bagels and they have a pb&j bagel which is baller as fuck omg (add that to my peanut butter count) . . . I forget what else we did last week but this week he was off on Tuesday and we went to our coffee shop (Deja Brew, guy is still not hiring :( ) to get some coffee and then we drove over to downtown Daytona (which I love because it reminds me a bit of St. Pete and I loveee St. Pete) and got bubble tea, and we walked around and went through some shops and we ate at Mediterranean restaurant. He worked Wednesday but was off yesterday, and I really wanted to cook because it's a holiday (you know momma and I cook for every holiday together </3) so I found a black bean veggie burger recipe I wanted to try and we went grocery shopping (lol spent $70 at Publix, mostly on just 4th of July dinner this is a little ridiculous but we do split the bill when we shop together so $35 each isn't too bad :p) and then we dropped our groceries off home and went to Danny's, and then all three of us went to the beach (holy shit I have never seen that beach packed before . . . but of course not only is tourist season but it's fourth of July so dammmn) but GUYS hey listen do you know what I did??? I did NOT wear a spaghetti strap shirt over my bikini top like I always do =o this is actually a really big deal for me HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY HERE IS MY TUMMY jkdjkddks !!

Anyway so we got home around 7 and we cooked (mostly I cooked). Harry made nachos as an appetizer and I had made guacamole . . . and then I made the burgers and I made us fruit punch margaritas (from scratch margaritas holla) and Harry fell asleep while the burgers were in the oven (smh typical) but then I woke him up when they were done (about 8:45) and told him he's going to miss the fireworks if he sleeps any longer (he knows how badly I wanted to see fireworks) so he got up and ate and then we walked across the street to the park and it's cool because from the river we can see Ormond's fireworks show and Daytona Beach's fireworks show (Holly Hill is directly between both those towns) and then all these other little personal fireworks that people do in their backyard. And then we noticed some fireworks that were like basically right above the park and I'm like "who's doing those?" and Harry's like "I think those are coming from our backyard" lol so we crossed the street and our neighbors apparently had spent some decent money this year on real fireworks so that was cool. :)

So I guess this is a good summary type entry? I dunno feel free to leave any questions, comments, and concerns ;)

baby harry
I also did not know harry was texting me from justine's phone when she was freaking out

also sad girl forever texts

whatever whatever

EDIT: I HAVE HARRYS NUMBER NOW so lol if I can't find her, imma text harry lol


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