Listening To Music @ MindSay 
music
We went Christmas shopping today, and bought a bunch of presents for our family and friends. Henry got some Pokemon action figures, and Miranda got a fuzzy poster to color. Those are the only presents we got that I can say, because everyone else can read and could possibly find me on the internet, thus defeating the purpose of giving a gift in wrapping paper on Christmas, instead of saying "Yo, I got you this and here it is in my hand and now it's yours." Shane is incredibly detail-oriented when it comes to wrapping presents. He likes to cut the wrapping paper with a butcher knife so it's perfect, and he makes all his folds perfect and uses tape to make sure everything is even and flat. It's kind of funny, in comparison to me, who likes to get the wrapping part over and done with so I can fuck around with ribbon. I made a few bows. I was proud.
Shane also got water from the Artesian well downtown. He likes it better than tap water. I do too.
We had live shotgun shells/game load in our house for a while. Apparently it got put in one of Shane's moving boxes by accident. It scared the shit out of me. I kept worrying that if I touched it the wrong way it would fire and shoot off my leg or something. That probably doesn't happen though.
We've been listening to all our music on the Zune software on random lately, mostly because Shane wants to get his "plays" number up a lot on his Zune card. It's nice, because we're listening to all the music we have, instead of just the stuff we think we prefer. We have over 20 gigs of music, and it's kind of funny when we listen to something we haven't heard for a while, because we're surprised we own it. Not only that, but I'm kind of stingy about music. Once I like something, it doesn't matter what genre it is, I love it. But unless the song catches my ear at the beginning, I tend not to give it a chance, unless I force myself to listen to the song the whole way through. I guess that's my personality though, I'm impatient and don't like to wait for gratification. Since we're letting it go randomly, I'm finding myself liking a lot more than I would have had I just gone through all our music and listened to the first seven seconds.
I wonder if my ears/brain deciding whether or not I like music is kind of like a little senate meeting. A hundred little guys sit in my head, listen for five seconds, and then vote. Some say "Yea!" and some say "Nay!" and then they send in their majority to my brain, which responds by deciding to continue the song or press next. This happens every five seconds until the song is done.
The news came to me as a shock today… I was there, in the teachers’meeting room, when the Dean walked in and announced in a shattered voice the suicide of Rozenn…
She was one of my pupils. I have been in this school for only a week, and I only met her twice, but it nevertheless stunned me. I remember her pretty face and her dark hair, and where she was sitting last Friday in my class…
When driving back from work, I kept thinking about Rozenn, and about myself. I was listening to Nirvana and that’s when I remembered how that music helped me not to take the step Rozenn did when teenage years were so hard on me, I thought. Nirvana’s music, and rock/metal music in general, saved me, undeniably!
Listening to it would let my malaise and my despair ooze out of me, it would help me expel these inner violence and self-hatred that were consuming me… until they would come back again…
It helped me turn into someone I like better, from a meaningless and despicable caterpillar into a dark butterfly… Today I am someone I can withstand the look of when in front of a mirror, even if life has stolen part, and a huge one that is, of my happiness.
Now, when I think of Rozenn, I realize how close I was to wanting the end she chose for herself. Out of lack of bravery, or thanks to courage, I don’t really know, I followed the path to my life as it is today. That is exactly how I have always regarded suicide, as a desperate act of utter ambiguity…
And now I’m thinking about Rozenn’s family, because I know how much the loss of a beloved one will sadden and appal you. They will be angry at her and will not understand her decision, but it was all a lot of bravery and lack of courage… bravery to take the step to eternal emptiness and nothingness, lack of courage to survive, just to see if it could get any better.
That’s how the life and death of a stranger, who decided that it was not worth living, altered other’s existence so much more than she probably ever thought she would, as she is missed and will be remembered by so many of us.
you prolly think i'm lame for listening to Ashley Parker Angel. I WAS BORED! leave me alone! plus its been forever since i've listened to music. i enjoy it thank you!
"Shades of Blue"
As seven ticks to eight o'clock,
He rumbles down the stairs,
Mother's cooking in her kitchen, father is in his chair
The headline on the front page reads "the sun's coming out today",
Shining down in perfect streaks, it's anywhere USA.
With eyes wide open,
The sky is always a thousand shades of blue.
Probably broken, lost and lonely,
We're all just shades of you.
Can't you hear the school bells singing?
Hurry, don't be late.
Wandering the crowded hallways,
Searching for his place.
The writing on the chalk board reads,
"who will be king this year?"
And even though he raised his hand,
No one knows he's there.
With arms wide open,
His life's becoming a thousand shades of blue,
Probably broken, lost and lonely,
We're all just shades of you.
There's no escaping where he's going,
A thousand shades of blue.
Probably hopeless, don't you notice?
We're all just shades of you.
He let the water run too deep,
Then he just slowly slipped on in,
And when he finds the nerve to breathe,
All they say is no one saw it coming.
Hear the sirens, the cops arriving,
A thousand shades of blue.
But it's hopeless, no one noticed,
We're all just shades of you.
With eyes wide open, they found him floating,
A thousand shades of blue.
There's no escaping where he's going,
We're all just shades of you.
"Crazy Beautiful"
Like a splinter in my thumb, you're not going anywhere,
Not like I care 'cos I have got used to it,
Refuse to quit.
You're like the label in my shirt that keeps scratching at my back,
Then I forget 'cos I've come immune to it,
Go figure it.
Knew you were trouble back then but that's what turned me on,
It's all wrong.
Suitcase, some baggage and a head sheet
Sweep down, guess that it's crazy beautiful,
Crazy beautiful.
You're like the tattoo lying on the back door,
Regret smashing her fist into the wall,
Crazy beautiful,
She's worth it all.
She leaves the ashtray on the bed,
She don't sense any thoughts in her head,
She just has to get them out,
Can't shut her mouth.
She's like a song that's in my brain,
But every other lyric says my name,
And I just can't turn it off,
Can't get enough.
Knew you were trouble back then but that's what turned me on,
It's all wrong.
Suitcase, some baggage and a head sheet
Sweep down, guess that it's crazy beautiful,
Crazy beautiful.
You're like the tattoo lying on the back door,
Regret smashing her fist into the wall,
Crazy beautiful.
Sometimes something that is not perfect isn't being what you want,
Sometimes she lets me into places where her demons come to haunt.
She's like an angel that's corrupted and I'm hanging on to her...
Suitcase, some baggage and a head sheet
Sweep down, guess that it's crazy beautiful,
Crazy beautiful.
You're like the tattoo lying on the back door,
Regret smashing her fist into the wall,
Crazy beautiful.
(She's got a) Suitcase, some baggage and a head sheet
Sweep down, guess that it's crazy beautiful,
Crazy beautiful.
You're like the tattoo lying on the back door,
Regret smashing her fist into the wall,
Crazy beautiful,
She's worth it all.
"Where Did You Go"
There's an empty room full of memories,
And everywhere I look, it's where we used to be.
It's like a photograph,
A moment froze in time,
I'm staring at your face, even when I close my eyes.
Oh oh, where'd you go?
I thought you'd never leave,
Oh oh, should have known,
How much you mean to me.
Oh oh, where you are is where I wanna be,
So, it's a shame that you'll never really know.
I wish I could go back,
And be with you again.
'Cos there's so many things I should have said,
When I had you listening.
As close as we were then, as far as we are now,
As much as this won't change a thing,
You've got me calling out...
Oh oh, where'd you go?
I thought you'd never leave,
Oh oh, should have known,
How much you mean to me.
Oh oh, where you are is where I wanna be,
So, it's a shame that you'll never really know.
Now was it ever meant to last?
The candles burned from yesterday,
The past is over, gone ahead
And watch the glow just fade away.
I can't run to catch my breath,
I can't hide to see what's left,
The plans, the hopes, the dreams, the tears,
All disappeared...
Oh oh, where'd you go?
I thought you'd never leave,
Oh oh, should have known,
How much you mean to me.
Oh oh, where you are is where I wanna be,
So, it's a shame that you'll never really know.
Oh oh, where'd you go?
I thought you'd never leave,
Oh oh, should have known,
How much you mean to me.
Oh oh, where you are is where I wanna be,
So, it's a shame that you'll never really know.
So, it's a shame that you'll never really know...
It's a shame that I never really showed.
Was listening to Death cab by/for cutie (sp? whatever. ) *cringe* Godsawful band save for one song. (the lyrics, duh? )
I'm making up for the braincell killing by listening to Oceansize.
It's that calming kind of music.
Well so yeah, new theme...yay...talk at you all later.
well today i went off with kd and alx biking, it was pretty funny because kds younger brother, brandon, wanted to go with us, but he was supposed to go with him mom, so we all kinda sped up and then took this little road to get away from em, ..it was special xDDD
but yeah we had an awesome time together, sat around eating cherry twislers, and listening to music.
really relaxing you kinda forget about everything on the outside.
its nice.
now im just kind of chilling around the house, talking to woody, listening to music..again xD
im dreading school tomorrow, i just dont want to get up and go to english and read romeo and juliet and listen to 10 kids talk about how they dont get it. nor do i really want to go to math, where the teacher goes up on the chalk board and drones on about variables. all in all its not horrible, its just SCHOOL..d.err
well its life.
yeah thats me.laura.
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