Life Fucking Sucks @ MindSay 
disney fucking sucks
I don't know why I get so anxious around other people. I just do. My heart starts to race, I can't remember what I'm saying or thinking, I just like go into panic mode. It's fucking annoying and embarrassing. I guess part of it is feeling like I don't fit in anywhere. I mean, I live in Georgia for fucks sake - there isn't a lot down here except Bible thumpers and shit. And living in a small little town like Snellville doesn't help either.
I'm just super frustrated with my life. I don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life! It feels like everyone is pushing me to make quick decisions when all I want to do is collect myself and pick myself up off the floor.
Have you ever heard something or thought of something that you haven't thought about or heard in years and your body suddenly feels really weird - like weightless and your head feels dizzy? About two years ago, I used to listen to this band, Soulfly, constantly! Then I forgot about them and have been racking my brain ever since to try and remember their name. I just downloaded the album of theirs that I used to have and my body and mind feels really weird when I listen to them. I don't know how to describe the feeling, but it's almost like I am back in time, just walking around at school, with my iPod blasting their music. The feeling though is physical - like my body is in other dimension or something. I know: it sounds really weird. Believe me - it feels really weird too. I can almost remember what I used to think about when I listened to them, but I can't remember shit. My memory is so fucking shot. I'm surprised I even remember my own fucking name. I guess one of the reasons why the music makes me feel weird is because subconsciously my brain is remembering all the depression and pain that I was feeling two years ago and the music is acting as a trigger for those feelings to re crop back into my brain. I don't want to stop listening to that music though. What am I putting myself through though by listening to it again?
I started listening to screamo music ago. I haven't listened to that shit in years. I picked up a couple new bands too: like Pencey Prep, Leathermouth, and Discovery of a Lifelong Error. The first two bands that I named are from New Jersey. The lead singer is Frank Iero, the current guitarist of My Chemical Romance. The last band, Discovery of a Lifelong Error, is just a band I heard about through a Youtube video. They're an underground band from California. I like the way all three of the bands sound: even though it's all screamo, it all sounds unique and original, which is something I look for in all the bands that I listen to.
Here's another 'life sucks' situation people can relate to.
In the past year, I changed schools twice. I'm settled where I am now, although there are times when I deffinately know I do not belong. I have friends, yet I still feel isolated. I'm too dumb in one class. The material makes no sense and the teacher isn't exactly helpful. I'm usually an honor student although I'm getting around a forty average in this class. Fucking nice for college right?
Other classes...are...stupid...pathetic. Geez, and we wonder why there are kids who show up to school with guns. Not that I would but c'mon, I'm pretty sure for some kids it's tempting.
Trust me, I'm not some psychological freak. I think that's what most people assume if they hear the slightest mention of violence in a kids's speech. Wonder why I'm taking so much fucking time to explain myself.
Let's see...to continue the list, there are my pressurized parents who have kept me on lockdown since the third grade. No I'm not kidding. I'm in fucking high school and my mother is still convinced she has to pick me up. I go straight home, homework, eat, sleep. No life whatsoever. I've been to the movies about four times in my life. No fucking joke. I'm not some loser kid. My parents have completely "sheltered" me from the outside world apparently. They are expecting all A's. Won't they be surprised to see that F in science...I joined a few clubs to get an excuse. Seriously, I don't enjoy them at all. It's an excuse to stay away from home. Yeah, staying at school is better than home.
My parents also have some tension in the marriage that I won't go into for personal reasons.
I seriously wish I could sleep all day for one day. I get up at six AM every single day...yes all seven days of the week, for school or some other reason. Damn it sucks. I hate it sometimes when I see cheerful people. But only when I'm really pissed. Because if they're happier than me, I'm pretty sure my life is fucked up.
I know it's probably normal to hate school, or to not get along with your parents, but it doesn't seem it.
Oh yeah, there's also my lack of a boyfriend that seems to lower my confidence. I've never had one...I've had boys like me in the past, but my oh-so-loving parents put that out of the picture before I could get the question out of my mouth. It's not just that boys don't seem to like me. Some have gone as far as to make fun of me. I probably shouldn't care too much, but seriously, who wouldn't?
There's that situation where I like a guy but he doesn't acknowledge me. There's the situation that he knows me but either he's taken or not interested. There's also the other situations that I feel to crappy to type.
There are more reasons...but I seriously feel like crap.
Have fun reading what I wrote, bitches. (Seriously I am mad.)
LIFE IS A FUCKING BITCH THAT NEEDS A BETTER HOBBY THAN MAKING MY LIFE DIFFICULT.
btw, i am so happy and awkwardly i am failing all of my classes!!! but i don't care...i really don't want to be in school to begin with...i just want to move on with my life...
and even though i kinda do...I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHO READS THIS...
ps to anyone who pays mind to this:
IF I HEAR SHIT ABOUT WHAT'S ON HERE FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T HAVE AN ACCOUNT, TRUST ME YOUR ASS IS MINE, DON'T FUCK WITH ME, YOU MIGHT THINK YOU KNOW WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF, BUT DO YOU REALLY??? AND IF YOU DO HAVE AN ACCOUNT, AND I DON'T FUCKING TALK TO YOU ON THAT LEVEL, AND I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOU BEING A HUMAN BEING, THEN FUCKING STAY AWAY...
DON'T FUCKING USE MINDSAY AS AN EXCUSE TO POKE INTO MY LIFE...STAY ON YOUR SIDE OF THE NET PAGE!!!
this is not a threat however, just my personal disclaimer...
HAVE a FUCKING great DAY!!!
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