Lewis @ MindSay

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Finally, we had a fucking Wednesday without a major drama. AND, tutorial was actually fucking meaningful - shock fucking horror. :)
 
(Two sentences with the use of the F-word - fucking hell. :P)
 
Anyway - I got a little further with my UCAS application - I entered all the course details and shite - as well as adding all my qualifications. They all look ever so shiny and sexy, all the grades in a vertical line - complimenting oneanother. :)
Except the Religious Education short course GCSE of course lmfao - it's a proper D - it stands out from the rest of them because it's shit and it doesn't get a bath. (And no, I'm not referencing to Sharon, or am I? :P)
 
Media Studies was fairly pointless - but Lewis and I managed to entertain ourselves pretty well.
I found a big elastic band on the floor in the English classroom yesterday - so today I made a STATIONERY SLINGSHOT!
Two pens, a green gel pen and a red ballpoint, a piece of clay to keep the lids on - and my special elastic band.
 
I was stupidly hyper though - I mean come on, in a normal state of mind, I'd have never turned around and said: "ANNE MARIE? DO YOU LIKE MY SLINGSHOT?!"
Lewis and I expressed our hatred for this shitty assignment by doing shite all. Well, we "planned" and "thought about our ideas" - but this is Lewis' idea of planning - a badly-drawn sketch of Roseberry Topping, complete with a stick-figure Ashleigh being pushed down the side of it in her wheelchair by a stick-figure me:
 

 
But of course, I couldn't help pissing myself laughing. Lewis can make me laugh a lot sometimes. :)
 
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I managed to calm down a little for Photography.
The film I didn't end up using last weekend wasn't wasted - because I got to use it today. We were using the old film cameras - we went outside and Grahame told us to take photos of each other from weird angles. Well naturally - I'm great at all things weird.
Afterwards, we had to load our films in the DARK, DARK, DARK darkroom - which proved difficult of course, due to the sheer blackness of it.
 
Though there is one thing I like - I like the fact I can squeeze Shelly's bum and nobody can see what I'm doing. Giggle. :)
 
We haven't got the negatives or developed photos back yet - I think we have to wait until next Wednesday. Uber fail. :(
 
Since I was the only one with a watch, I was entrusted with the job of telling Shelly and Hayleigh when to shake the cannisters with the films and developer in.
So every 30 seconds, I took great delight in squealing: "SHAKE!"
 
When Grahame was explaining the different aparatus - he held up the 'funnel', which serves as the lids for the cannisters - and I can't have been listening properly, for he then exclaimed: "And this is called SATAN..."
Obviously, it made me pay attention - but it's also now going to make me think "SATAN" every time I see one of them. Mildy amusing I suppose. :)
 
I found a broken pin with a plastic end when I was in the darkroom. I was scraping it on the workbenches because I liked the sound it made. Grahame instructed me to: "Give me the NAUGHTY PIN..." - but I wouldn't give him it. I exclaimed that I'd named it Grahame, after him - and it was now my friend.
Yeah, clearly my hyper state was getting worse. :)
 
And it seemed to be at its peak in Film Studies.
I know that they all find my yawn and my sneeze hilarious - but they'd never heard my laugh until today. And of course, everyone who knows me - knows that my laugh is the most fucking ridiculous noise in existence.
I was tormenting Kayleigh with my stationery slingshot, shooting bits of rubber at her - which she kept blocking with bits of paper and files.
 
You know you're too hyper when AM turns around and tells you to keep it down because you're being disruptive. Gigglegigglesnort. :)

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I can stop fretting about starting UCAS application late now. I took advantage of the time in tutorial, had a mooch about on the university website, then started filling out my application forms.
Naturally, I can't fill all of it in yet, for I'm lacking all the codes and signitures - but I did all that I could do. I even made a FIRM POINT of writing DIXIE in my preffered name box. Hmmm, I'm not going through any more years of education with my tutors calling me a name I despise.

Sarah let us go early, so in this 1-hour gap - I went into the LRC - went up to the 3rd floor and started writing more of my scripts. I was mainly finishing off the Abigail film sequence script. I managed to get it all written, divided up and colour-coded - then Lewis came and found me.
We were proper late for Media Studies, so we ended up sat right at the back so we couldn't even see the frigging whiteboard. We had to watch that shitty Location, Location, Location clip where Middlesbrough was voted Britain's #1 worst town - then pick out the representational codes. It was tedious, but not exactly difficult.

Photography was a bit of a wasted effort. We practically came in for nothing because Paul wasn't even in. So I spent the lesson writing out more scripts - currently, I'm that obsessed with RCP and all my ideas, I can't keep them off my mind for longer than 20 minutes. It's horrible. More so because I'm going to have to wait at least a fortnight before we get to film anything.

I was annoyed in Film Studies.
Was mint though - Anne Marie set us off, she told us to come up with our own idea for a film, then we had to make a poster about it, noting narrative, characters, iconography and the rest. Naturally, this was just an excuse to ponder more into the film sequence I had planned - so my poster was all about Abigail.
I even decorated it with some little "items of iconography" - razors, knives, gravestones, broken glass, walking cane, wheelchair, blood, matches and candles. Then I drew little portraits of Abigail and Jonathan. They were so fucking epic - I wanted to keep my poster, but they were going on the wall... :(

Conway asked to see it, once she'd caught a glimpse. I wasn't arsed about showing her, but I didn't want to read out my ideas to everyone, so Anne Marie did it for me. Mwah.

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I was meant to go to Teesside University today for the open day.
I didn't go.
I was too nervous.
It sounds pathetic, I know.
I spent a lot of the day beating myself up over it.
I went into town with Lewis and Shelly.
We looked in all the charity shops for music boxes for the Spieluhr video.
We couldn't find any.
But I did get this retro bowl to use as a shaving bowl for our film sequence.
I ate a Greedy Joe's sandwich.
Then bought a shitload of crisps and a Snack bar when I went back to college.
We did more work with the pinhole cameras.
But I proper couldn't be arsed.
Shelly and I were at each others' throats a lot.
We punched each other and she pulled my hair, so I kicked her in the legs.
I was sad.
Today wasn't a good day for Dixie.

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And thus begins the first full week back at college. How I despise it so.
Well, Photography is relatively reasonable. I like Sarah, so Media Studies and Film Studies are fine - I'm also epic at them, and now due to my changed attitude towards English, I'm now looking that way in terms of university courses.
 
English is just even shitter than it was last year, if that's even possible.
Angela riles me, I hate her sense of humour, I barely learn anything because her teaching style is a pile of wank - and the entire group are total cocksuckers. Fair enough, the Film Studies group are cocksuckers too - but there's a few gaps in the seating arrangements, so I can sit with a gap between me and them - I'm not forced to sit next to some twat like I am in English.
 
Media Studies is fine - I have Lewis, and Photography is independently lead anyway. And there's only six of us. And I'm on good terms with Michelle, I suppose.
 
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When I got home (the only reasonable thing about Mondays is that I get to leave relatively early) - I made myself some rice and watched Britain's Best Dish.
Eh, I've liked previous series of it, but I'm not going a bundle on this one.
 
I'm still unsure what's wrong with me recently.
Shelly thinks I've gotten worse into my depression because I'm back at college and I'm practically by myself and her and Ash aren't there.
 
I don't think it's that - I've felt shit for weeks now, possibly even months.
As with everything, there's always more than one reason - and I'm not sure what reason(s) or combination of occurrences have caused me to feel THIS shit.
 
Now I'm back to the nightly cutting routine - wearing jumpers and hoodies to college, or never removing my jacket. Sigh. I'm just glad it's autumn - I couldn't be doing with long sleeves in summer. :(

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Despite Wednesday clearly being the best timetabled college day, it made no difference to my shitty mood.
Now, it's very easy to tell when I don't like someone. I notice it myself, and other people have told me they've noticed when I've been introduced to someone new and I clearly didn't show like for them.
 
I'm just wondering, did the new Media/Film tutor notice it too?
Because Sarah apparently teaches too many hours, now we've been assigned a new tutor for her lessons on Wednesdays, so instead of getting a double does of Sarah, I'm stuck with this dyke on a stick for three hours.
Not that I can talk, but for Christ's sake, I'M not a stereotype.
 
Either way, I don't like strangers. I think I made my point loud and clear.
I especially don't like strangers who treat me like a fucking dunce. I got one of the highest marks - does she not look at the registers and realise these things? Lewis too, yet we were all being treated like that. Oh, how it enraged me.
 
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I had an odd burst of hyperness in Photography though.
All was very weird. We were doing an assignment where we were instructed to take close-up images of single objects that supposedly had some sort of iconic representation.
 
I'd brought in a bag of stuff from my epic top drawer in the purple cabinet. Where I keep all of my practical joke implements, toy soldiers and generally pointless yet cool things.
I went with the theme of "Boys Toys" and took photos of Mexican jumping beans, fake spiders, water pistols, cap guns, Beyblades and toy soldiers:
 









 
I think they're reasonable, but because of the high exposure to the light, due to me taking them next to the window, a lot of the ones I took went out of focus and blurred.
 
Hayley was taking photos of the one thing she'd brought - a box of strawberries.
She'd discarded the ones that had been on the benches in the art rooms, so I picked one up and played with it for a while - namely dropping it into Michelle's hood and generally annoying her. It amused me, at least.
 
And lmfao - here's an epic photo of Michelle being rather strange:
 

 
After the lesson, the strawberry met its demise when I dropped it at the bottom of the stairs and jumped on it. It was fairly amusing, but rendered my epic shoes with sticky red goo all up the side of them. I shall have to attend to that later.
 
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When I got home, I attened to my usual menial tasks of checking e-mails, sorting FarmVille, emptying my college backpack and cleaning my room.
Seriously, it's tidy when I go to sleep, when I wake up - there's stuff everywhere. It wouldn't surprise me if I was a sleepwalker.
 
Dad made me some homemade chips and meatballs - which were fucking epic.
I was on the phone to Shelly at the time, and dad was faffing about with his Amio - so I went to the landing and shouted over the bannister: "OI, YOU BETTER NOT BURN MY MEATBALLS!!" - and Shelly absolutley pissed herself for like 10 minutes.
 
I suppose it was a similar scenario to Adam and I with the: "I DON'T LIKE PIE!" :)
 
When mam came back, I got off the phone to Shelly, giggling to myself because we both knew why I had to go so suddenly.
Then came the second night this week of the Desparate Housewives marathon. Oh, it's getting proper weird now. It's so fucked the amount of characters they've killed off.
I love it, but there's some characters that are absolute cunts, so sometimes I get really angry about it. Grrr.
 
And it's weird, mam and I share the same judgement about it - we say that "this one will be the last" - and then we end up saying it again like 3 hours later. :)
At least mam lets me pause it while I go for a piss.
 
I usually say: "Maaaaam.. Pause it..." - she asks why - "Because I need to peeeeeeeeeeeee..."