These past weeks with Ed have caused me to re-evaluate myself. I've changed because of him.
- I've decided (even harder) to be a decider.
- I re-realized the importance of Me-time ("quiet time").
- I better understand my reactions to him, and to others. I better understand the person I become around others.
- I've reaffirmed the ways I have faith.
- I have decided on peace.
- I have learned how to be happy.
- I have reaffirmed that there need not be a reason to be happy.
- I better understand how to use my energies.
- I've reaffirmed the importance of words, and how their usage makes a difference in what I say.
- I've realized I have little to say.
- I've learned that I need to be, and also how to be, more socially responsible.
- I've learned that I can be selfish, and it won't get me anywhere.
- I've learned that, in a way, solipsism is somewhat true--I've learned to rely on myself more, and not to require the support of other (wiser) people, because I am all the wisdom I need to make my point.
- I have also learned I am annoying.
- I have learned about how I use people--how I need people, and how I interact with them.
- I've learned about Ska and Ed's preferences in music.
- I've fought with acceptance--can I be justified while being alone? Am I never justified while being alone in my beliefs? Or, am I simply never alone in my beliefs?
- I've become more independent in the sense of: I don't rely on others' opinions as much. If I think something is awesome, I have every right to do so.
Ed says he's never learned anything NEW about himself/life/people by reading or watching television (more specifically, StarTrek TNG). I don't think he's ever learned anything new about himself/life from other people, either. In that way, he is extremely independent.
I don't know exactly how to explain it--but he still needs events in order to change. Ed is constantly changing, and sometimes, he says, he won't even notice it. Anyway. Besides being extremely independent of others for opinions, he still requires others to cause events on which to form his thoughts.
Conclusion?
...
...
...
I must spend lots of time with Ed over the next years.
--Driftee
lesson learned
Looking back through the years much had happened in my life which certainly could be called as the ‘School of Hard Knocks’. Have you even seen a cartoon in which the leading character just unwittingly got himself into a bunch of adventure and misadventure? That wherever he would turn he’d either come up against a thick wall or a steep mountain or perilous sea or some weird unexpected disaster? – Quite insurmountable in every way. That would be me.
