Laziness @ MindSay

I took the day off. and read magazines and parts of a Biography of Charlotte Bronte and napped with Abster  upstairs on the chaise under the new umbrella....and gave myself a pedicure with real  rose color on my toes and then waxed my legs from the knee down (both veet and nim are great products). In between i managed to fold some laundry and plant carnation and gypsophilia seeds in the top deck planters. [having decided not to grow tomatoes this year]
and Bailey's Manual of Cultivated plants did not let me down. the amazing bush on the east side of the house is a Japanese quince: genus Chaeomeles. it's gorgeous and in full bloom right now.

Someone I respect suggest I read Obama's first book, which I did and i liked him even less afterwards. Of course I will vote for him if nominated... but Hill is still my girl. I might make scrambled eggs for dinner. this is a great lazy  day.

I've spent the entire day doing absolutely nothing.  Watched some stuff on the travel channel, did some laundry, and now I'm watching baseball.  I do have plans for tonight, though.  Some buddies and I are going down to Goodbar to watch the Final Four.  I've got North Carolina and UCLA in the finals.

Today, only a few could aspire to reach the quality of my laziness this monring. I have been a complete lump this morning. I have gotten absolutely not one thing done. I have hours upon hours of homework to complete before Wednesday for this grad class. And yet here I am unmotivated; my only ambition to write a blog and read a few.

So, this is not good. Why am I failing at life? Literaly. Well, actually, I know why but I'm just not sure what to do about it.  I'm not used to failing.  Why is it when everything is looking like it's clearing up actually is getting worse. 

 

Supposedly, I have ADD.

Failing classes.

Allergies? = Rash all over.

Sun? = Blisters on hands.

Not doing well in classes.

I don't want to major in Spanish.

I hate my advisor.

 

 

I just want to sit and cry in a corner.

 

Let life pass me by.

 

The only thing going well is my relationship with Geoff. 

 

I hate this.  I feel like I'm falling apart.  This is not the me I know.  I don't know what to do.  I'm trapped.  I feel helpless.  What can I do?  I keep dissapointing people (as well as myself), and I can't handle it.  Take me out and let me start over.  I'm sorry for all I've done.

 

There has to be a way to fix this.

 

I am not a failure.

I should not be left alone. Ever. If this happens, then I think wayyyy too much. And I sleep more than I should. Then I get up, do mildly self-destructive things, like eat 4 cups of yogurt in a row while staring at the TV arguing about the artistic merit of 50 Cent (is it or isn't it there.) I got the first look at my grades for the end of my senior year. Apparently this is how it's going to be for the rest of my life. I have been evaluated as thus follows:

 

Art: C

Environmental Science: D

Algebra II/Pre Calc: C

English IV: A

Economics: C

OJT (on-job-training, where i go to work and get graded for raping the time clock): A

 

This can be interpreted in many ways, the most significant being that unless I want to be a high school english teacher with an affinity for essay writing, I will probably fail in life, or at least get a C.

...

 

Also... Why does Mindsay have such horrible ads? I'm looking at one for DRESSES. 25 styles. Over 50 colors. Available now. Ooohhh. Ahhh. The girl on the ad looks like a homeless woman (with nicer legs.)

 

I love lemon water.

 

And why is the rum always gone?

 

Fucking pirates.

 

P.S. I wish I knew more about politics, so I could use some decent evidence to back up my common sense. Alas, I just have to hope I can eventually use the time-trialed "Because I said so."

 

I'm so lame.