I'm Sad. Not a slump shouldered, mopey ass, pathetic sadness. Not a black wearing, poetry writing, look at me sadness. Not a see a shrink, pop a pill, brain chemistry sadness. Not life ending, tear spraying, commercial crying sadness. Not a pouty, Disney bangs in the eyes, teen angst sadness. Not a nostalgic, pet died, regretful sadness. I am just fucking sad. A natural sad. The way sad is supposed to be. And I don't really mind it. I'm supposed to be sad right now. It's an indicator of something. Time for a change. Actually I do mind it. Being sad is fucked. That's what makes it so great. It has a purpose. fuck
I've noticed that sadness has a friend. When a creeping, weeks long sadness first sets in, it brings a partner in tow. Hi, I'm Sadness, meet my friend Grief. Oh, it's nice to meet you Grief, wait a sec, haven't we met before? Usually when a person experiences grief it's through an expression of loss. It's markedly different from sadness, but they belong to the same family. Grief is more empty and nervous system stopping. But there is a less potent grief and it happens to be a close friend of sadness. A sort of residual grief. It's a... hey remember me from when your relative died two years ago kind of grief. Sadness from the present brings grief from the past. FUCK
Sadness with a tinge of grief. I'm going to have a relationship with this sadness. A healthy relationship. The kind of relationship that makes your life better. I've been waiting a long time to meet this sadness. This is the right sadness. The sadness with a purpose. I'm not going to use it and it's not going to use me. It is old and wise, perfected through countless generations. I am going to lean on it. I am going to learn from it. I am going to grow from it. Nice to meet you Sadness.
