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Monday
Sifting through the ragged thoughts and jagged breaths of this past weekend leave me truly disappointed that I must rely so much on my medication to keep me balanced. Anyway, in other news...

I currently work at ZENI kinetic, a 3D print shop, where we build our own printers, make our filament and do 3D scanning. My boss is Nicco, I see him as an older version of myself, if I were more volatile than I am. There's also Zach and Anna, they work up front, Devin, our Webmaster, so to speak. Micha is business relations, if I were to put a name on it.. Aaron, Jeremy and one other guy, I forgot his name.. they are the engineering and build side of things.. That's really our team lol. Anyway, I get along with all of them pretty well, it's nothing hard to go through with them. I handle Shipping and Spooling, it's my area in the business, though when I first started, I had no knowledge of how to fulfill these duties.

I ran into Zach the night I ended up sleeping with Katie, the mutual friend between myself and Ria. To be honest, it was rather enjoyable and something I figured would happen at some point, but didn't expect it that night. I helped Anna move a giant mirror she owns and got tea with her afterward. I feel we're great for each other but terrible for her relationship, as is the case anytime I'm introduced into a situation involving couples and one on one time with the woman... I just seem to bring their interests to the surface and cause them to reflect on how much they want to leave who they're with..

On that note, Anna has already been expressing a desire to leave her bf and have me stay with her when she gets moved into her new apartment, rent free, just the cost of sleeping in bed with her lol. You see, we both have the issue where sleep comes easier with someone in bed to cuddle with. I wouldn't mind getting to know her better, and aside from Michelle, she's probably the one female I can see things going somewhere more than bed with. The night we moved her mirror and grabbed tea, I met her boyfriend Kelly, a man-child to the level most women think I am, but a respectable guy nonetheless. Anna is definitely something else, I look forward to work because it means learning new things, as well as getting time with Anna.

Aside from that, I mentioned in my last post that Savanah had bought me a rather expensive James Jean piece, Seasons, which I wanted to buy for myself but was unable to... Since then she's been more and more focused with her bf, still can't remember his name, Logan I believe... Anyway, she says she doesn't want to be with him and she doesn't want to marry him, which is the direction he wants to go. She gets the nerve to leave him, then decides to pretty much cut me out of her life... I really don't get her, let alone women.. I have not even really tried to get a hold of her since she started acting that way, she can make her own choices and has her own path to take.

I have court January 9th, my pretrial and when I meet with my Public Defender... I am so exhausted from life being a constant cluster fuck to another.. Speaking of which, my body has been in a lot of pain lately, both sides just constant bruised feeling, as well as my shoulders. The normal shooting pain is still alive and well as well, of which doctors have still yet to identify. There's also an aching and longing in my heart, I just can't seem to get past Jordan.. seems like I see her more and more often theses days.. the reminders are everywhere and I can't seem to help that.

"We ALL carry our crosses... Or we are crushed beneath them... It's the only reason I don't blame the life I have on the genetic disorders I have; In reality, it's not an excuse to be a screw up, so carry your cross or be crushed, because I don't let mine crush me. What's your excuse?"

 I posted that a couple days ago on Facebook, it was probably right in the middle of my breakdown. Time to reset the counter, [01] Day(s) Since Last Breakdown... Lol. On a high note, I picked up a broken Sony VAIO at the pawnshop down the road for pretty cheap, and fixed it, it's my new main.

Later days,

Christopher.


PS, the night I got tea with Anna at Salt Lake Roasting Co, I think we were closer than we should have been... there was lots of being more forthright than typical, as well as just being physically close in general, for no real reason... And there was that whole thing where she said I am her first choice if things don't work out with her and Kelly. Weird, right? I'm also terrible at discerning between being nice and flirting... Lol.
 
 
   
 

Thank the Lord for my lappy
THANK GOD my little poor baby laptop works. I just had to erase my ENTIRE hard drive to get it back to "normal". Now I can get back down to business as usual. What does it mean? I can go to McDs and get my vibe on WOOT. So excited about that :D I didn't know what I was going to do without it :*( It hurts to have part of your life cut off like that. LOL
 
 
 

   
I'm writing this letter and wishing you well...
Mama, we all go to hell...

Thirty-two minutes to go and all this comes to an end. Thirty-two minutes is not much time to do all that needs to be done, but this is all the time that is left and no more time is granted in this life. Thirty-two minutes of rushing around like a crazed lunatic trying to squeeze everything into such a short period of time...

Thirty-one minutes to all and the end is nearly upon us. Thirty-one minutes to decide what is really important and needs done before this life is slammed into a brick wall. Thirty-one minutes of being overwhelmed by everything that was to be done and yet was never done...

Twenty-seven minutes and what have I done with this brief bit of time? I scream to the world within the confines of my cranium, “What have I done?”

Twenty-three minutes and the world is plunged into the darkness of eternity and I find that I am no nearer to accomplishing all the things that need to be done than when the countdown began...

Nineteen minutes and nothing at all can be done to start the clock over and let me start anew. I find myself on a one-way street and all that is in front of me is a dead end...

Seventeen minutes and all I can do is scream, “Save your self, save your self!” But there is no absolution granted for the condemned, there is no pardon forthcoming, there is only the long lonely walk to the gallows...

Fourteen minutes and the end is drawing near – the sign are all before me and if I would only open my eyes I could read what they are trying to say. But I cannot look in the direction of the darkness. Like great neon signs along the road, the warnings are flashing and still I cannot bring my self to exit early – I must continue on to experience what the end has to offer me...

Ten minutes and the end is so close that I can almost taste it, so close that I can almost feel its breathe upon my face, so close that I can almost see what is at the end of the road...

Seven minutes and all is not well in the village of the forsaken. I and I alone know that the end is so very near and yet I will not tell a soul so that I do not create a panic. I am alone in my knowing and I shall take this knowledge to the grave...

Four minutes and the minutes can be numbered upon my fingers with some left over. And yet I remain in my silent watch as the end is nearly upon us...

… …

And in the end all is silence – no tolling of the bells to mark the second coming, no blaring of the sirens to evacuate the innocent, no screams of horror as the end is realized, nothing – only the silence of nothingness...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

 
 
   
 

The Lap Dancing Computer Is Back!

Hey Kids!

Our Laptop is back... FINALLY!

I think I finally have a plan too for like, my life.

I am going to go to college for biology or chemistry, and also education.

Wahaha!

I think I will be a high school bio/chem teacher.

I want to go to Montana for college too...

My Uncle John Lives out there.

So, when they kick you out of the dorms, I will have somewhere to go.

I just want to go away...I mean, I love being with my family and will miss everyone here, but I really want to have that one big going away when you can do whatever you want.

And if I am a teacher, I won't have to live in the city.

That is what I do not want to do.

I want to live near a small town, in a HUGE brick house. With lots of trees, and a pond and horses, like my house now.

 : D
And the way I look at it, my parents have no money put away whatso ever, so I can pretty much do whatever, I mean, within reason, that I want because  I will be in debt anyway.

 

And, this may sound stupid, but I actually like Dan enough to consider him in the future...

But who knows!

 

SO.

Things with Dan and I have been going well.

Yay.

My Birthday is on the 24th.

YAY!
I'll be 17.

Wacha.

I need to fill out all the applications for college.

Ciao,

Mariah

: D

 

 

 
 
 

   
And if I make it to the waterside...
Will I even find me a boat or so?
And if I make it to the waterside,
I'll be sure to write you note or something...


There many things that one learns through the course of one's lifetime, and so many of these things can only be learned through trial and error, which brings me to today's lesson learned - it is far more convenient to use my Palmtop than my laptop when it is time for the morning constitutional. Maybe this has to do with fact that I am more accustomed to typing with my palmtop in strange locations and the fact that I can type while the device is suspended in the air, whereas with the laptop, I must be able to place the device down upon a solid surface so that I can type...

There are other factors that have lead me to this conclusion - factors such as the size of the devices, the amount of time from turning them on until I can actually do some work, and so on...

Though the laptop does have one advantage, and that is I can surf the Web whilst I remove all waste materials from my system...

So for writing I will use my palmtop and for surfing I will use the laptop...

And such is the lesson learned upon this day...

This is the Word of the AntiCrust...

Praise be ye who Read the Word for ye are Blessed amongst humans...

 
 
   
 

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