Language @ MindSay

I had this dream last night/this morning that a law was passed regarding speech.  It was completely ridiculous.  You were only allowed to use words that were the same length as your age. 

For instance, if you were a one-year-old, you were limited to A, I, and after a LONG debate 'U'.  As a 2-year-old,  you got to add 'an', 'am', 'no' (and to sneakily say yes, you could say 'un-no') and a few other short ones.  Couldn't say the word electricity until you were 11.  Once you already WERE an age, you were allowed to retain those words (so a 3-year-old could get away with 'yes I am' without punishment), and obviously, there aren't MANY 20 or 30 letter words, so probably by age 15 or so, your vocabulary was pretty sound, but ... sucked.

Also, it meant all the precious 4-year olds were running around with the ability to say 'hell' 'damn' 'shit' 'fuck' and some other 'four-letter-words' that I don't even say :(.  No one else saw this as a flaw in the plan.

A Twitter-girl got mad that I added her and insulted me without first asking me to remove her. Sounds like a rap needs to be written about her.

AuroraAsuncion (the one and only)

Aurora, you bore-uh
Wish you were my adorah
I'm a real person with feelings
When the sun burns, my skin's peeling

Your updates aren't private
Why don't u try some hidin'
You're open to the world
But your language makes me hurl

Aurora the warriuh
I think I will ignore ya
This is the last chance from me
I choose to let you be
But next time someone follows ya
Don'tcha fuss and hollah, yo

(I twittered the rap as well, but the lines don't show up well, had to post it in four parts and abbreviate words. Don't know if I will be doing that anymore.)

Heather and I work on the same floor, but in two different areas. She works in what we affectionately call 'The Vault' where all of the old microfiche and vellum drawings are kept cool and secure. She and the other ladies work on a years-long project to convert all of the old drawing cards, hardcopy drawings and such into digital files for quicker access and preservation, as well as retrieving older files that aren't on the system yet. Heather's 'weird', as she puts it. She says she doesn't think like other people, and tends to say what she thinks. She's honest, yet unassuming. We're friends at work, and in my mind, she's my best friend at work, because we're both oddballs, and understand each other as such. Occasionally we'll have lunch together, or take a break whenever one of us needs to get up and get moving. She hears about my dad, I hear about hers, or her frustrations at being contract (since I used to be contract as well, there) Also, since my cube is in the 'hot spot', meaning for some reason, it is warmer that the surrounding areas, even with the A/C on, she comes over when she needs to warm up. The Vault is ice cold to protect the fragile drawings. I can't even remember how we met, but I do know I approached her to say 'hello'. For a good part of my time there, Heather's always been there, in the back of my mind. She started after I did.

 

So when Heather came to me to show me her engagement ring, it was quite the honor. And when she came over to hand deliver the invite to her wedding, and told me 'You'd better come!' it was all I could do to not laugh. Of course I'd come! I even marked the calendar months in advance.

 

On 8/15/2009, Heather and her husband are now officially married. The ceremony and reception took place in a banquet hall in the Northwest suburbs. Everything was beautiful! The little hall that we sat in had all these chairs decked out in white satin covers with gray bows on the backs. There was a flowered and vined trellis where the bride and groom exchanged vows. A violinist and keyboarder played live music to the side. A projection screen was set up to the opposite side, and was starting to show a presentation of Heather and her now-husband growing up, playing to the tune of Elton John's "Can You Feel The Love Tonight". It was so odd to see a younger version of her in those pictures. You can tell she was going to be a beautiful woman as she got older.

 

Then the wedding march began. They had trouble with the runway, no biggie. I warned Heather that 'Things usually go wrong, just breathe and push through it. Laugh about it when you're done!" The flower girl did her job by tossing 2 petals and then walking down the aisle. The young ringbearer swung the pillow from the string. Both families came down serenly, their mothers lit the family candles for the Unity Candle ceremony. And then Heather's mom went back up to relight hers. Finally, came Heather. Or, at least, the bride, because I didn't recognize the woman under the veil. Heather has immense inner beauty, buoyed by her faith. Since she's not visible much at work, she dresses casual. And she's pretty cute! The woman I saw walk down the aisle was breathtaking. So I looked deeper behind the veil, into her eyes... yep... that's Heather! Wow.

 

Once we were all seated, the ceremony began, aaaaand... I got lost. I could have guessed that this might happen, considering the crowd I was in, but I was so caught up with being able to share her special day that I didn't stop to think that I wouldn't understand a word of the ceremony! You see, Heather and her husband are Chinese. Now granted, I have Honorary Asian status from my friends, but that doesn't impart a knowledge of the language! :D The pastor did help us non-Chinese a little bit, by speaking part of the ceremony in English, but the vast, vast majority was Chinese. And understandably so. There was a lot of laughter from the crowd during parts of the event. Either her husband was saying something funny over the mic, or the pastor said something funny, but either way, I didn't get the joke. Oh well.

 

Then came one of the longest songs I've ever heard sung in a wedding. Live singing, mind you, a pair of young Chinese ladies. Suddenly, while they're singing, I hear a different tone. A deeper tone, keeping in time with the vocals. I look around, and notice that the groomsmen are all singing too! Now that's cool. I think even during the early parts of the ceremony, the groom was crying. Heck, I was too. (Thank you, Mom) I'm a sucker for tradition and ceremony.

 

Afterwards, they organized to take pictures with the different groups of people. I was with 3 coworkers. They flashed up on the projector the name of the group of people that were in the shot - 'Bride's Family', 'Groom's Family', etc. We joked if there was going to be a slide for us.  While we were sitting there watching the groups file in to stand by the happy couple, the announcement came:

 

"Heather's coworkers, please come up for pictures!"  O_o

 

That was cool. :D As we approached, Heather looks at me and says, "I didn't see you in the crowd, I thought you had failed me!" Nope. Come hell or high water, I was going to be there.

 

After pictures, we went out to allow the banquet hall to reorganize and prepare for dinner. Dinner came - pumpkin soup first (my time in China paid off on this!), salad, the main course, and after that, I was stuffed. I don't think I've ever been that full at a wedding before. I mean, uncomfortably stuffed. LOL While the food was being served, they played a few games to keep people occupied. The first was a 'Singing Bee', which may be better translated as 'Finish That Tune'. They'd play part of a song (Chinese, naturally) and the wedding party would have to sing the next few verses. They all got owned by a young woman among the guests who sang several verses of one of the songs, and quite well too! The other game they played was a Musical Chair Scavenger Hunt. They'd call out the name of something to find among the guests, the players would have to go find it and get back to an empty seat before the song ended. Again, almost all Chinese-language. But the laughter at some of the things they had to do needed no translation at all.

 

Speeches - Chinese. Heather spoke hers in her somewhat broken English - thank you.

 

By the time the music started to play for dancing, most everyone got up and left. That was odd. And then dancing wasn't the swiftest either, but people were having fun. I was too. Heather had to change her outfit from the wedding dress to two other dresses during the course of time. Each new one blew the doors off of the previous one. When she came around to greet guests, we all marveled at her dress. Absolutely stunning. After she and her husband left our table, the bridal party came by and declared, "We are a very drunk bridal party!" Which was true, as they staggered off behind the bride and groom, supporting each other like a centipede with some legs missing.

 

Heather came around a second time, after some of our coworkers had left already for the evening. We all chatted for a little bit, and she then left, but before she did, she said, "You better go and have fun, mister!" and punched me in the shoulder. Awesome. :) The little things. I did have fun - I helped close the wedding! I tried to dance, I couldn't find a place to jump in with the song never completing its cycle, or restarting at random. It didn't matter. I was there. I may not have understood 2/3 of the ceremony, or the reception afterwards, but there are some things that universally translate - laughter, smiles, dedication, love.

 

To Heather and her husband, a lifetime of those things - laughter, smiles, dedication, and love. To all who read this on Mindsay and are married, toss these in every once in awhile. To those on Mindsay who aren't yet, the only language that you need to know in a marriage is the language of the Heart. 

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."


A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."


"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West



"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

Did you ever notice that there are certain "compound words" that really aren't at all?  Allow me to illustrate my point with a few examples.  For instance, you can be overwhelmed or even underwhelmed, but you can never just be whelmed, can you?  If you could; however; I guess you would be "O.K."

 

"How are you today, Bob?"

"Oh, I'm whelmed."

 

How about "extraordinary"?  We all know what the prefix "extra" means, so shouldn't "extraordinary" just mean "really ordinary"?  It makes sense to me.

 

Here's a great word: despise.  I love it!  It includes the prefix "de", which is negative, making the meaning for the word the opposite of the meaning of the root word,  Root word???  What would that be, you say?  Spise, of course!  When was the last time you told someone that you liked them by saying, "Hey, I totally spise you."?  I haven't, but I will now.

 

I like the word "inclination".  People can get an inclination to do something any time, but do they ever simply get a clination?  I think a clination involves spending your day on your couch, eating chips, and channel surfing.  Just sayin'.

 

Finally, how often do you hear a waiter say, "Sir, I'm sorry, but your card has been declined."?  Fairly common, right?  Now, have you ever heard a waiter say, "Sir, I'm pleased to inform you that your card has been clined."?  That would mean it was approved, by the way, but alas we don't ever hear that. 

 

Our language is an interesting and funny thing.  These are just a few of the silly things that clog my headspace.  Please feel free to share your own.