Karen @ MindSay 
If you were adopted and born on 8/17/73, in Hinsdale, Illinois, you can get your original birth certificate from the state. And if, on that birth certificate, you see these names, Trojanowski or Trzos, then you can email me at <thebratland@yahoo.com>. I hope you find this site. I hope you email me. I'll be watching.
[The Boy, by the way, is a guy I met and lived with from 1998 to 2007.]
~August 17, 1973~
I am a mother.
OK... I'm a mother times TWO.
And maybe today is the day to talk about my first child. Because I have never hidden the fact that I had a child that I gave up for adoption.
When I first started talking to The Boy via Instant Messages, I told him about the fact that I had given a child [a boy] up for adoption when I was just a [wee] lassie.
Because when you've 'done that' you learn that some people think you are some kind of freak. I kid you not.
And before I became really good friends with The Boy I wanted to know right away if he thought I was some kind of freak.
He didn't.
So, we became friends.
You see, I never kept it a secret because I always wanted the child I gave birth to to be able to find me. And I foresaw the danger of keeping his existence a secret.
How would I have explained it to people otherwise?
That's not how I am.
If you want me, you take my baggage, too.
And I've been extremely blessed in that regard. I truly have not had one man walk out on me because of it. Either they are wonderful men, or [I'm rather more inclined to believe] I am an extraordinary woman.
Oh, yes I am.
But I digress.
Almost six years after giving birth to a boy, I gave birth to a daughter. And when she was old enough to really understand things, I let her know that I had given birth to a child with a different man and I had 'given him away' to people who could take care of him and give him things that I could not.
I must have done a superb job because my daughter never felt in danger of being 'given away' or abandoned, or any of that other shit that people tell you will happen to your kids.
My daughter is, at this writing, 28 years old. And if the boy I gave birth to knocked on my door tomorrow, no one in my life would say, "OH MY GOD YOU NEVER TOLD ME."
And The Boy would let him in and treat him like his own, or at least one of my family, and he would never raise an eyebrow.
And he would be happy for me.
Not that I lose sleep over this, folks. I don't.
While that baby was growing in my belly I kept telling myself that I was growing him for someone else because I KNEW that there was no way that I could give that child a decent life AT THE TIME.
And I knew, thanks to someone close to me [who shall remain nameless, although she knows who she is] that an adopted child is as loved as a child who is flesh and blood to the people adopting.
No, it wasn't an 'open adoption' although I knew the names of the people who adopted my child. [Notice I do not say 'my son'? I'll get back to that.]
When I got pregnant, I was a junior in high school. And BACK THEN, pregnant girls were not allowed to stay in school. So I didn't graduate high school.
Years later, when my daughter was a sophomore in high school, she was talking about dropping out of school, and I told her she couldn't.
And she said to me, "YOU DID!"
And although there were extenuating circumstances for me dropping out of school, I realized I had no excuse anymore.
So I got my G.E.D.
Then I got this crazy idea that maybe, just maybe, I COULD GO TO COLLEGE!
And I did.
Now, I'm not gonna get into college life except to say this: It got me onto the Interwebs. And I thought maybe, just maybe, I could put my info OUT THERE and make it easier for the child I had put up for adoption to find me.
And I've done that.
The bad part is that the really popular sites for adoptees looking for their birth parents are sites that make you pay a [hefty] yearly fee to keep your info on the site, and I've never been wealthy enough to be able to do that.
But I have found plenty of other sites and have 'registered' with them.
I just want to give him a chance if he is trying to find me.
Because there are, I'm sure, reasons to find me. Like the health history of his birth family.
But I don't call him My Son for a couple of reasons.
And some of those reasons are:
A mother is someone who changes your shitty diapers.
A mother is someone who sits up with you when you are sick and changes the sheets you puked on in the middle of the night.
A mother goes through the chicken pox with you.
A mother teaches you to tie your shoes.
A mother finds ways to teach you how to eat and like vegetables, even peas.
A mother cries when she sends you off to kindergarten.
A mother teaches you how to say "Daddy" when she would much rather you said "Mommy".
A mother delights in watching you roll over for the first time.
A mother lets you touch bugs.
A mother lets you taste dirt.
A mother gives you pots to bang on with spoons and thinks you make beautiful music.
A mother teaches you not to pull on the kitty's tail or bite the puppy's ears.
A mother holds you when you are hurt and kisses your boo-boos.
A mother looks at a crayon drawing and declares it is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen as she puts it on the refrigerator.
A mother exclaims that you are growing "like a weed".
A mother thinks dandelions are the most beautiful flowers EVER.
A mother sees you through graduations and proms and driving lessons and weird haircuts and pierced ears and wet dreams and periods and friends who are being mean to you.
A mother buries pets in the back yard with you and gives you ice cream afterwards.
I was never a Mother to the child I gave away.
I never did any of these things with the child who went away from me after I made sure he had all his fingers and toes and was ABSOLUTELY PERFECT.
And I may never meet him this side of Heaven, and I'm resigned to that. I don't get maudlin and get drunk over it.
But I will admit that sometimes, like tonight, I stop and say a prayer for him, wherever he is, and I say to God, "Oh, please, just let him be HAPPY."
Because when it comes down to it, isn't that all we want for our kids? All we want for those that we love?
I think it is.
And for that Someone who is Somewhere Out There, here's a birthday song for you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSyRFLlYnWI
Because I Know You're Out There Somewhere.
Happy 34th birthday. I hope it's a great one for you.
.
Fucking Karen (Preppy neighbor) walked to my window this morning and cralwed in. Usually i don't mind but i was drunk last night. Hangovers aren't very nice.. Anwyas. I was asleep and she staretd to shake me.
"Wake up sleepy head!" that's all she said for ten minutes. I got dress. Black pants, dark gray button down shirt, black sweater. I went to the bathrrom and brushed my hair. After that i sat down at my bed and asked her what she wanted. she said that i had promised to take her to the skate park so she could mjeet Scott to kick her ass. It's a long story but i have time.Scott and i have been friends since 6th grade. In 7th we got in a fight and beat each other up badly. Karen was my 'friend' and decided she would kill Scott. Well after me and Scott made up i told Karen. I thought she would be happy but no. So now she still wants to kill Scott. And Karen never see's Scott because Scott doesn't have any classes with us. She's in higher classes. So anyways, back to my first story, so we go to the skate park and Karen is wearing the slutiest thing so every guy is all over her. Scott happenes not to be there but her boyfreind, Billy, decides to flirt. For around three hours were not doing anything. Scott comes and finds Karen and her boyfriend on a bench making out. Scott is like a macho girl. She's kick a little kid's ass just so she can get happy. so Karen see's Scott and Scott just grabs her by the arm and throws her to the ground. I grab Karen and run off with her back to my house. So far Karen just got bloody nose. Scott is pretty mad. I don't want to be around Karne right now. She's really mad fro not, 'letting me kick that fag's skinny ass!' yeah.
A lot of people laugh at me for worrying about name meaning. Well I believe our name has a lot to say about what will happen in our life. Im going to take the names of me and my two sisters and see if we live up to our names.
Regaina: Queen
Jean : John/Jane=God is gracious.
Thomson: Son of Thom.
Now sew it togeather. Queen who feels God is graious, and is a son of Tom.
Karen: Danish Name, Katherine. In Greek this means torture. In Roman it means pure.
Sue : Old Hebrew it means Lily, in modern Hebrew it means Rose.
Bostwick: Dwelling near harbor or village.
Sew it togeather and here is what we have. Pure torture among the Lillys and Roses at a dwelling near a harbor or village.
Paul: Small or Humble
Dean: Surname (Old English) Valley or (Middle English) Latin decanus "chief of ten".
Eccles: Assembly or church
Put togeather this name says the following.
Small humble cheif in a assembly.
Regaina is a VP of Ionic Dezign, ahomeschool teachr, and ldes wife so yes she lies up to er name.
Karen is a doctor's Aide, but Michigan winters is pure torture for her, so she lives up toher name.
As for me, Paul, I am a small nsignficant person.
ЮéäM says:
stupid MSN froze on me, had to reboot
ЮéäM says:
so how have you been KB?
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
pretty good. how about you?
ЮéäM says:
alive
ЮéäM says:
guess that iz alway a bonus
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
yeah guess so
ЮéäM says:
how iz college
ЮéäM says:
hey, it is better than pushin' up daisies
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
its good. finally got gpa up to a 2.o
ЮéäM says:
do what?
ЮéäM says:
what the hell ya' do 2 ur gpa?
ЮéäM says:
damn' and i thought my 3.2 wuz bad
ЮéäM says:
ur smart 2. . so what's the deal
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
failed 9 hours last semster
ЮéäM says:
ouch!
ЮéäM says:
you should hook me up w/ the pic on your profile . .. it looks good
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
lol
ЮéäM says:
for realz last pic i got of you . . you were a junior in HS
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
ill email it to ya later. its from a scholarship dinner
ЮéäM says:
right on . . kool . . .
ЮéäM says:
now if you don't do it . . i'll have to send you 10 emails a day reminding you j/k
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
lol
ЮéäM says:
ЮéäM says:
so what r u doin' this wonderful day?
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
fixin to go to work
ЮéäM says:
that suX
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
not too bad. im in charge most of the day
ЮéäM says:
kewl . . . kool
ЮéäM says:
where do you work?
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
so where you livin now?
ЮéäM says:
artesia . . for now
ЮéäM says:
i travel quite a bit though
ЮéäM says:
been here for 2 1/2 weeks though
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
thats cool
ЮéäM says:
yeah, i still got a short attention span -n- get bored easily
ЮéäM says:
so when i'm bored i move on . . .
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
must be nice
ЮéäM says:
sometimes
ЮéäM says:
has itz upz-n-downz
ЮéäM says:
wuz in albuqueque be4 i came here
ЮéäM says:
they have an indoor sk8 park there so that wuz kool
ЮéäM says:
have a tiny one in artesia
ЮéäM says:
lil bigger than peanut-ville though
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
lol
ЮéäM says:
oh yeah i broke my left elbow sk8boarding
ЮéäM says:
but it is doing much better now
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
that sucks.
ЮéäM says:
yea'
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
i got hit by a car rollarblading a few months ago
ЮéäM says:
holy sh*t
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
at work
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
didnt' hurt me. just knocked me down
ЮéäM says:
oh
ЮéäM says:
still suX though
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
yeah
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
my mom lives in edgewood now
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
you were close to her in alb
ЮéäM says:
right on
ЮéäM says:
didn't know that
ЮéäM says:
how funny
ЮéäM says:
ЮéäM says:
i'm a geek lol
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
lol
ЮéäM says:
word
ЮéäM says:
brb goin' 2 smoke a cig.
ЮéäM says:
back, and yes i know it iz a bad habit
ЮéäM says:
but i haven't had a conscience since i don't chat w/ u as much . . you were always my conscience . . .
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
lol... you were supposed to develop one on your own
ЮéäM says:
didn't work . . .
ЮéäM says:
i tried
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
youll get the hang of it one day
ЮéäM says:
maybe
My Weakness Is That I Care To Much says:
if it makes you feel any better i don't have any common sense
ЮéäM says:
lol
ЮéäM says:
it doesn't make me feel better but thanX 4 the laugh
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