Journeys @ MindSay

Good eveninz.

 

Today was pretty fantabulous. I woke up this morning with the urge to use my inhaler. I'm asthmatic you see, I gotta take them. The thing is, the one I use gives me the shakes. It's a common side effect, but I prefer to use the spray-type ones rather than this turbuhaler whatever it is. It's horrible and I hate it. I end up shaking for a few hours.

 

The morning was pretty cold too, and I couldn't relax because of my overreactive nerves, so I decided to play some FFXII on my DS. It's an awesome game, by the way. :) This was from 6-8. So at 8 o clock I went and got some breakfast and turned the hot water on so I could go in the bath, because I had a college interview. I didn't wanna be all messy and smelly!

 

I spent most of the morning learning what buses to get. You see, I don't get out much. I had no problem getting to the town, but I didn't know WHERE the bus station was (well I did, I just couldn't remember) and what bus to get from there. Luckily I had bought myself a daytripper on the way to the town, so if I got lost I could just hop onto a bus. :) It cost me £3.70 and that's an adult's fare. I dunno if you can get a child's version... but I wasn't bothered.

 

So there's me, strolling through Middlesbrough town centre looking for the bus station until I caved in and phoned my dad where to go. He pointed me in the right direction and I ended up trolling up and down the "wings" in the bus station looking for a bus I could get. I felt like a right idiot, to be quite honest. I looked like I didn't know what I was doing. But I didn't! It was quite a horrifying experience for me.

 

I managed to find a bus, though. However, I still didn't have a clue what to do. My dad rang me up guiding where I am on the bus. It was embarrassing, but I didn't really care. I was concentrating on actually managing to get off at the right spot! I managed to get off close to Hall Drive though, even though I stopped a bus stop too late. ¬_¬ But I managed.

 

So I carry on walking down Hall Drive, until I find a fence saying "property of Middlesbrough College Foundation". So me being a fool, thinks that that was the way. It was pretty scary. It was just a long walkway with high fences where I could easily get raped or what. I could see the college behind loads of bushes (there was a lot of holes in the fence) but no actual route TO the college. So I retraced my steps and carried on going down Hall Drive, until there it is in full view.

 

However, there was only a road for cars, and no such path to walk on without fearing getting run over. Nevertheless, I walked on the grass next to it, all hot and sweaty, and wet (because it kept raining all the time!!!).

 

I enter the college, looking for reception. It was nowhere to be found! I see this woman doing stretches so I just think "Aha... okay... where's reception?" Thankfully she guided me through the doors into reception, whom to the woman there I informed her of my arrival. She told me to sit down, so... I did.

 

A man eventually comes and asks if I have an interview, to which I complied. He takes me through some doors into this wicked hall. He asks for my name and he cannot look for my paper thing. I was kind scared because I thought they'd lost it. :( But he ended up going off with some other dude getting an interview and the really nice lady asked for my name and found it straight away.

 

The interview went pretty well. She mainly just asked a few questions and made sure I knew what's what. It was only 10 minutes. It took me an hour and a half just to get there! Though I'll be quicker next time.

 

Getting back home was easy, since I just retraced my... BUSSES!

 

However, on the bus from the bus station to home, the bus driver only went and got his gear shift stuck. So I'm sat there, with a woman panicking over not being able to get her son home from school on time, sat on a bus with the engine turned off. Luckily some dude came on the bus and sorted it all out, and the bus driver looked/felt like a complete arse because he tried his hardest to get it working.

 

Nevertheless, I got home. I tidied my room and went back to my DS, had my tea and played on it some more. Went on the computer and... started blogging! :D

 

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I kept writing in different styles so forgive me for that. I dunno how else to blog so I do it strictly in chronological order. Never mind. I intended to update the next day, but it ended up being a week or so later. :S

      It's been about 12 hours since my 1st blog and after 2 runs, I'm both tired and ready to put yet another day that will bring me that much closer to my GOAL to bed. I must however take one last trip down "Flashback Drive", towards this past summer & fall.
     So as I mentioned I've been living/training in Boulder now for some time. I got here in the Fall of 2004, but wasn't officially moved here till the following year. Between 2004/2005 and this past summer (2007) I basically stayed put in Boulder and just trained and trained and trained under my old coach: Brad Hudson. We had a great relationship and great mutual respect. We also had a great group of athletes to train with, although I still did most of my training alone. I did a few races here and there, but never a complete season.
    All that changed this past summer when I finally decided that with the following year (2008) being an Olympic one, I better get out and (1) improve on some of my PB's  & most importantly (2) get used to racing again. This also happened to be right around the time when my old coach: Brad, had decided to move to Eugene, Oregon. This was essentially our goodbye, as I wasn't to keen on making a long distance relationship out of it. This left me free to explore other coaching opportunities but at the same time left me in a bit of a limbo as I was attempting to get going again towards Europe.
    Long story short I went over to Europe and really did a number on myself. I never got going really well and raced so pathetically that I not only saw it as a waste (at the time), but registered my 1st ever D.N.F (Did Not Finish) at a steeplechase in France, where I also injured my back. These were two things that I had never really done before and it more or less set the tone for the rest of my time there.
    A few good things came from the trip though. I got to meet my girlfriend Samia, who's an American Marathoner, and currently training for the Olympic Trials in that event taking place in Boston on April 20th, and also got to see what racing felt like (even if it wasn't from the point of view I had hoped for - as in the FRONT). All in all my time there wasn't all that bad, as it only made me hungrier for this year.
    Fast-forward ---->  I came back to the States after a brief holiday in and around Spain visiting family that I love very much, but hadn't seen in close to 6 years. This was also the longest amount of time in 3 years I had gone w/out running (13 straight days). I had won my final race -a small 1500m race in Belgium- and enjoyed my time off, but was eagerly looking fwd to getting back to real training.
    My 1st stop back in the U.S was New Jersey where my mom had moved to. I stayed with her there for a little over a week. The 1st few days of training were absolute HELL! I had managed to put on about 15lbs (was just shy of 160lbs) and was sore all over! I couldn't believe how out of (running wise) shape my body had gotten. I would go for a 35 or 40 min run along the ocean and the next day wake up feeling like I had been on the wrong end of a fight. This continued for some 10 days. All in all I ran 25 miles my 1st week back. My girlfriend Samia also came to visit us in NJ. It was great having her around as it was also her down time. She had just competed for team USA in Osaka, Japan in the marathon for the IAAF World Championships. We were both eagerly looking forward to 2008 and the possibility of both making the Olympic Games.
    My 2nd stop was Boulder, Colorado. I got back here on the 10th of September. Harlan & Lorraine had been great in allowing me to store some of my stuff in their garage while I was away. Now I found myself back and kinda LOST. I was lost in the sense that I had no coach, I had no idea who or where I would find and I also had no "home".  Luckily (if you believe in luck....I don't) for me, Harlan & Lorraine were more than happy to have me join their family until I found my direction. The only thing that was ever clear was where I wanted to go (Beijing, China in '08), I just couldn't tell you how I'd get there.
    Lorraine had mentioned a few coaches such as: Steve Jones (former Marathon World Record holder), Bobby McGee as well as Greg McMillan. Greg seemed like a good choice, as he was starting a new post-collegiate group out in Flagstaff, Arizona. Seeing how I had nothing to do and I was still in my pre-training build up (meaning getting in shape to actually train) I decided to drive out there with some friends that were also thinking about moving to the area.
    I enjoyed my stay and the guys on the team were great, but I didn't really get the same vibe/excitement while there that I got (and still do get) for Boulder. So that plan was out. I flew back to Boulder with once again very little clue as to the next step. Eventually it dawned on me that Lorraine should be my coach. Both she and Harlan had always been great people for me to bounce ideas off and I always felt that they had my best interest in mind. Add to the fact that Lorraine herself was a great runner and I was IN!
    I finally came out and asked her at a Collegiate cross country meet we were at. We talked about how we would approach training and what sort of things we would try. She always knew what I was up to while w/ Brad, so she had an idea of what I should do vs. what I had done and how to tweak things here and there in order to get the most out of my talents.
    So there you have it. Lorraine & I started our coach/athlete relationship the 1st week of October. The rest as they say, "Is history..." but this time I hope, it's history in the making. The next few months should tell a lot. Thanks for reading (or attempting to), I promise to try and keep the next blogs shorter. I figured in order to better understand where I'm going, one should know where I've been.

Peace & Love

Tears have found a home within all he tries not to be.
Fighting to live, but never actually allowing his feet to hit the floor he vows tomorrow will be better.
Within his confinement his fingers feel the vibrations of a life once lived and his journeys yet to be traveled.
Trying every temptation that passes his eyes emptiness continues to be a void yet to be filled.
A mothers voice calls his attention to a fallen soldier.
Quickly without hesitation the child brushes himself off and climbs back on the bike.
A mothers pride tells him he has witnessed that his life was meant to be lived.

well yesterday with the day that my hsc experience commensed. yay.

it was of course the first english paper; journeys.

my hand was so cramped after i wrote the essay. my hand couldnt keep up with my mind..lol..

but after the exam, i blistered!

that's right! i have a blister on my thumb and another on my finger. it is the way i hold my pen and it is forever rubbing that spot on my thumb and figure, and therefore, causes a blister. and yes, it hurts! "oh whoa is me"

*cry* i didnt have enough time to write my second related text; Star Wars; Revenge of the Sith, by Matthew Stover! i knew the quotes and inner journeys and everything!

 

"everything dies. this is why jedi form no attachment; all things pass. to hold onto something - or someone - beyond its time is to set your selfish desires against the force. this is a path to misery, the jedi do not walk it."

 

and

 

"...to have the ability to directly influence the midi-chlorians to create life. with such knowledge, maintaining life in someone already living would seem a small matter."

 

and

 

"i give myself to you. i pledge myself to the way of the sith. teach me. lead me. be my master."

 

and

 

"im sorry lord vader. im afraid she died. it seems in your anger, you killed her."

In the past few days my summer has metamorphosed. Once a slow-moving, hazy, filmy veil over my eyes, it is currently much like something budding and growing, straining to reach the light and drink it in, as if there weren't enough of it, as if every shimmering black granule of asphalt was meant to be there, exactly as it is.

Chattering about daily events seems strange to me..perhaps it is better to honestly grab people and bring them along with me on the journeys that I (that we all) complete on a daily basis. Maybe those two ideas are the same thing.

The year has ended, obviously.Graduation came and went. But more than that, the entire thing came and went. I don't know why it has such shock value- everything comes and goes. People, money, events, everything. But something happened, something between that big moving truck and where I'm sitting now, that I can't even really explain. Something between spending days not knowing anyone and nearly crying on the last day. Some glittering gem was tucked between each of those moments, however rocky, and so at the end I was left with a stringful of precious stones. And the only thing I know to do is wear it. So I'll wear it. I'll wear the day they took our picture outside, I'll wear the days I labored over sheets and sheets of paper and diagrams and god knows what else, I'll wear the days of crispness and red and gold mixed with that smell of old french fries and what I'm sure was eighties hairspray left over from the gold old days. The good, gold days. Good because people still rode their bikes to each other's houses and read Sweet Valley High and listened to Duran Duran. Good because they still snuck beer and sat in the backyard wondering how so many stars could fit into the sky at the same time, there are so many, like people on Earth one would say to the other, but so many more, the first one would reply, and how do they all fit, with their egos and therapists and Louis Vuitton bags and emotional baggage and heartache and Starbucks? How do they fit into that space? and the other one would say, they don't fit the space, the space fits them.

Maybe the days were gold because there were fewer four-year olds who had a working knowledge of computers and flat screen TV's and electronic toilet-trainers. Or maybe the days were only golden because they were in the past, as our days might seem to our posterity. I wonder what they might miss about the way we choose to live our lives. I'm pretty sure it won't be Palm Pilots.

But back to those precious stones for a minute.They're not all completely happy moments. Not all great moments are happy. Some are satisfying, some are exciting, some are difficult, some are a struggle, some are pretty plain and ordinary. But when you put them together, they're pretty extraordinary. Beads aren't that impressive on their own, but when strung together, they become something completely different. I like that idea, all of the moments. Amazing how moments are all made of the same material, but vary so greatly. Throwing a cap into the air and washing dishes are both simple, ordinary passage of time. The only difference between the two is the meaning infused into the moments, the meaning that makes the moment a memory.If all of the stones are perfect and smooth and unblemished, the necklace is quite stale and boring. But bring in all kinds of colors and jagged and smooth stones, rough or round or square stones...and the necklace becomes a piece of art. life is a piece of art. Art has meaning, life has meaning, so life is art.

Life is a necklace.

the real question is how you choose to wear it, I suppose.