Journey @ MindSay

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More band/artist pics can be found here.

So this was before leaving for Tampa:


At the airport, no one thought to check to see if my flash was on and I didn't want to take another one, lol:


Enver and I at the Boozle:


lmao @ this clown:

Settings:

The NonExistent Year (fucking awesome):







Forever the Sickest Kids:

The Bloodhound Gang:

Shwayze:

Gavin Rossdale <33333333333:


Kid Cudi:

Asher Roth:

FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS HARDCORE DANCE:


HorrorPops:


FUCKING JOURNEY:

The rest of these are bad pictures, because of bad lighting and distance.
Third Eye Blind:


Fall Out Boy:

Create Your Own charset=utf-8">

Musica llena de tunas suena en tu casa

Canciones se van al cielo

Las nubes

Se pelean entre ellas

 

Para traer la lluvia

A la tierra de ensueños

Donde las palmas se mecen fuera de la ventana

Trayendo Memorias de tu vida

 

Mientras que el eco de tus pasos suena por tu morada

Y tu foto cuida

A alguien que dejaste

Perdida en el tiempo

 

 

 

 

Music full of tunes echoes in your home

Chimeras flow towards the sky

Where the clouds fight with each other

To bring the rain to the land of dreams

 

As your memories float in the

Morning dew

And the palm trees sway in the breeze

Your footsteps resound throughout your home

 

Telling me what to do

Guiding me through the path of life

Every moment I breathe

In the house

 

Where your picture looks

After the affairs

Of someone lost in time

Left on this earth after your departure

 

Mi hermano, el medico,
Elemental sencillo,
Se compro en Coconucos un rancho de ilusion

Esta parado sobre un temblor de guaduas,
En el blancor estraño que solo da la cal

Su puerta y sus ventanas por las que apenas cabe la luz de la mañana,
Las vigila en silencio
Un cerro majestuoso

Que se quedo parado cuando paso corriendo
La cordillera immensa
Huyendole al diluvio y a la mano de Dios

El rancho de mi hermano,
Elemental, sencillo
Como su corazon

Se rie de los palacios porque se siente rico
De frisos y cornisas
Cuando cada mañana lo dora con sus rayos la plenitud del sol...

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MY BROTHER'S RANCH

My brother the doctor
Elemental and simple,
He bought in Coconucos a ranch of illusions

Standing on some guaduas,
It is white as chalk
While the morning light

Comes through its door and windows
It's Looked after by a magestic hill,
Left standing when the immense mountains

Ran away from the deluge and the hand of God
My brother's ranch
Elemental and simple like his heart

Is full of corners and flowers
Tanned by the sun and age
Rich and full of enchantment

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I've been looking forward to today all week. :)
Mam woke me up at half 7 - I promptly got dressed and ate a Muller crunch corner for breakfast.
We arrived at Ashleigh's at quarter past 8 - her mam was there, being over-enthusiastic about seeing us off.

It took us about 2 hours to get there - and we filled around half of that with the CD Adam burnt for me.
Lmfao, he wrote all kinds of mental shit on it - exactly how he does with brithday and Christmas cards. It amused me. :)

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Ashleigh had brought her blue badge so we could park in a beasty space.
Her photos on her ID cards are just generally hilarious. I'm the new owner of her Connexions card, which I've nicknamed "CHUBBY FACE".
Her blue badge is an even CHUBBIER Chubby Face though. :)
I'd love to see her bloody passport, rofl.

After the admission booths - there was this BIG FUCK OFF HILL before the park entrance.
I was doing the spoon-head-walk to stop Ash from rolling down it.
Mam told me not to let her go - to which Ash responds: "LET ME GO. LET ME GO. I SWEAR TO GOD, LET ME GO."

So I let her go - and she SHOT.
Dad proper panicked, started running after her screaming: "Ashleigh! ASHLEEEEIGH!!!"

I couldn't stop laughing for about 10 minutes.

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We wandered around the park - taking part in the various feeding events, and taking lots of photos.
In South Lakes Wildlife Park, lemurs, emus and peacocks are allowed to roam around freely.
You can buy bags of food to feed the birds - but apparently, lemurs bite, so you can't feed those.

There was a sign on some of the gates that said:
"WARNING: Please keep your children away from peacocks when they are displaying, as they are potentially dangerous."

- To which mam responds: "YOU BETTER KEEP AWAY FROM ASHLEIGH."
It wasn't even THAT funny - but Ash was pissing herself. Oh, surnames. Surnames that are so easy to mock...


My favourite animals were the bears and tigers.
They have big beasty black bears - but they were being overly lazy; just lounging around on their wooden perches.

They had rhinos and giraffes in together - and we went to the event where this gadge gave out bits of tree branch and all the giraffes ate them from your hand. THEY PROPER DROOL.

They must have about 8 different kinds of apes/monkeys there.
The spider monkeys are amusing - there was a young one in an enclosure that kept licking the glass. Further down, there was one with a beasty scab on its arm, which it was picking and eating.
I don't blame it - SCABS ARE CHEWY.

The gibbons were all cuddling each other, whilst the baboons were always fighting with each other.
I like baboons - they have funny red bums. :)

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When the keepers fed the tigers - they hook pieces of horse meat onto really high vertical wooden poles - making the tigers work for their meals, as they would in the wild.
I loved watching that. I really like tigers. I have so many cuddly tigers and tiger posters in my room.

One thing my mam got me from the gift shop was a 2nd tiger caption photo.
It's of a white tiger pulling a strange face, with the caption: "CHAOS, PANIC, DISASTER. MY WORK HERE IS DONE."

Ashleigh bought herself a copper foil engraving kit - and some random lollipops she said she'd take home for her family. Generous, lmao.

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Mam bought us both hotdogs, giant chocolate cookies and Coke for our lunch.
In the picnic sort-of-area, this keeper gadge did a mini-talk about snakes and boa constrictors. Then he brought one round, and we could stroke it.
I like the way snakes feel.

Dad bought us all ice-creams - I had a Mr. Men Milkie, Ash had a Smarties Push-Up, dad had a Smarties cone and mam had a 99 with a flake.

Once we'd finished these off - we went for a wander to feed some emus.
Venturing to the top of the park, the vulture and macaw enclosure - followed by bats and random reptiles.

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The highlight of the day had to be feeding the lemurs.
As always, the keeper gave us a talk - then they handed round grapes to feed to them.

Ash was sat beside a little blonde boy with a zimmer frame.
After they'd took his and her grapes, they DIVED ON THEM.

Ash had a lemur on her shoulder and one on her wheel - while the lad had several all cligning to his frame.
Highly amusing, it were. :)

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Now I shall post immense amounts of photography... :)



Lazy brown bear. :)



Two giraffes. I believe we fed both of those with the branches. :)



Cuddly. :)



These are so cute. :D



Hungry tiger - after retrieving his meat from the pole.



Mam's camera is fucking awesome! :)

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Ashleigh waiting for hotdogs. :)



Stroking an emu.



Stroking the snake.



Feeding the giraffes.



Lmfao, our hair!
Why yes, it was rather windy in the Lake District today. :)



I attempted to sit on that bear sculpture - but it was too slippery. I just slid straight off it.





Funky African tribal gadge outside the gift shop. :D

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I cuddled up to Ash for most of the journey back.
Then I started to annoy her - tickling her sides, jiggling her tummy and flicking her nose. :)
As I do, lmao.

We dropped Ash off home at around 5 - as she was starting to fall asleep by the look of her.

We called at Burns Road fish shop for our tea.
I had roast chicken and mam and dad had cod and chips.
I ate with them and we watched The Simpsons for an hour, followed by Britain's Got Talent.

My favourite this week was the little girl who did ballet dancing and sang Julie Andrews' song: 'I Could Have Danced All Night.'

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I ended my night with a shower and a few hours on the phone to Shelly. :)
I couldn't have a day without some Shelly. I love her too much to go a day without contacting her.

The fact that I'm here . . . writing . . . is a huge step . . .

I've been sensing that I'm coming to a crossroads in my journey through grief . . . that if I don't stop at this junction and make a conscious choice, the path I'm on will not only be self-destructive, but destructive to the people who love me.

Why today? It's been over a year since Zac's accident . . . why so long? I'm sure many wonder why I haven't gotten over it yet. Right now time is relative. I blink my eyes and the passage of a year is just a second ago. I still can't fathom that he won't at any minute walk through the door with his "hey mom" and touch my shoulder or give me one of his giant bear hugs.

I've kept a grief journal . . . so why write in a public place? Good question. Will having someone else grasp one iota of the pain of losing my son somehow soothe me?

I've done some processing up to now. Here are some things I know:

You can never let your guard down, because one night you will pick up the phone and your life will never be the same.
I knew that. Shouldn't I have know that after having 4 previous calls to learn of the sudden deaths of my dad in 1976, my mom in 1989, my brother Frank in 1993, and my brother John a year or two after that.

Your child should never go before you do.

I know that there are conversations that we should have had but didn't.

I know that you need the love and support of your loved ones even though there is nothing nothing nothing they can say or do to make it all better. And it's worse if they try. Just to have your friend sit with you, or take care of something that you need to do -- like, say, make you eat something . . .

Here is the biggest thing I've learned. And this was less than a month ago. I will never be the same. I kept expecting to "get better" or "get over it" or not feel so much pain still.  And then it hit me. I Will Never Be The Same. I remember reading in C.S.Lewis' A Grief Observed how he compares the aftermath of losing a loved one to being like someone who loses a leg. You will go through recovery and learn to walk again, but it will never be the same.
The thing is, today I felt some hope about that.
Today I found this, written by Danielle Steel, who lost her son: "Losing a child is nine parts unthinkably horrible and one part gift. The secret to surviving it is finding the gift. One is never the same, but one has the choice of becoming bigger, deeper, more . . ."
And it was today that I had read earlier in my latest book on grief, A Grief Unveiled by Gregory Floyd, ". . . No, we are never going to be the same. There is no turning back, no becoming again what we were before Johnny died. The school of suffering has taught us lessons that can be learned only in its hallways. We are different.  Love anything and your heart will break, as C.S. Lewis has said. We gave our hearts away to this boy as completely as we could and he took off with it. I realize that sometimes the reason I feel so strange is that part of my heart is not here any more . . ."

Can you wake up one day and feel hope again?

Just for this day I can believe that.