Jokes @ MindSay

1. Paint  all my nails a diffrent color than the other.
2. Wear like 50 bracelets on each arm
3. Go up to the "normal kids" and start laughing when they laugh for no reason.
4. Trip that one dude who makes fun of me and get away with it.
5. Time the teacher on how long it takes for her/him to freak out on me in one class period.(8 seconds)
6. Wear to diffrent shoes to school.
7. Wear purple eyeliner in one eye and blue in the other(it was a dare and i did it .Now all myfriends do it)
8. Bring lemons as a snack to school
9. Go to the mall and ask random poeple if i can get a picture with them.
10. Throw skittles at my friends heads at school
11. Have sharpie fights in school with my friends
12. Put post-it notes on the chalkthingy in school about random facts or weird secrets I know.
13. Only wear one color for a week(Another dare the color was bright green)
14. Wear outfits that don't match with anything (dare)
15. Find crazy things in the lost and found , then wear it till its all clamed and if it is not clamed then i give it away.
16. When a guidence teacher comes bye i say things like "I can't kill them " and "make the voices stop!"
17. Throw my backpact at random people.
18. Tell the most stupidest joke and laugh really hard.
19. Say like in every sentence.
20. My friend dared me to sit next my chrush and play ROCK PAPER SISSORS and accuse mt left hand of cheating which was reallt odd but i never turn down a dare
21. Throw a pencil at a person and tell then I dropped it.
22. Play tag in class.
23. Ask for spare change in the halls.
24. One time someone dared me to take apart a desk in lunch detention.
25. This is something everybody does but make all our desks go a inch further to the chalk thingy intill the teacher notices.
26. Throw pencils at the roof.(DON'Y TRY I ALMOST GOT SUSPENED)
27. Switch spots with my freinds every tome the teacher isin't looking.
28. Make crazy noises and blamein it on the teacher or another kid.
29. Lick odd objects(Don't worry it was only my things,it was a DARE)
30. Hum odd music. 

 

 

Couple of jokes:
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When I got  home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....
so, I took her to a gas station..... and then the fight started....

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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $10.95.  Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.  I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.  

And that"s when the fight started.

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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver"s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and  realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, "Unbutton your shirt."

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too"

And then the fight started.....

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, "Do you know her?"

"Yes," I sighed,  "She"s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn"t been sober since."

"My God!" says my wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started.....

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?

Yeah, well I couldn"t believe it.... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are you?"

And that"s how the fight started.....

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I"ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren"t you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that"s how the fight started.....

Now I see that it was genetically ordained. My mother was a redhead.

What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A redhead!

What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
The piranha. They only attack in schools.

How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
Wait 10 seconds

What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
Normal

Only two things are necessary to keep a redhead happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way,
and the other is to let her have it.

A young man marrying a redhead asked his father for some marital advice. The father said, "Just remind her who wears the pants in your family." The evening arrived, the new husband tossed his pants to his bride and said, "Here put these on." She did and said "I don't fit into these." "That's right!" he said, "and don't you forget who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on." He looked at them and said, "I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's right - and you won't until your attitude changes!"

 

What's the Redhead Dating Motto?
The fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his redheaded wife and pinched her on her butt and said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."  While this was on the edge of intolerable, she thought herself better and replied with silence.  The next morning the man woke his redhead with a pinch on the breast and said, "You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
This was beyond a silence response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by the penis. With a death grip in place she said, "You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the gardener, the poolman, and your brother."

How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
There's a hammer embedded in the monitor.

What's the difference between a blonde and a redhead in bed
A blonde let's you leave the bed when you are satisfied - a redhead
let's you leave the bed when SHE is satisfied.

 suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, "you've all got 30 seconds to get out!" 
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, "you bastard!"

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why are women like clouds? eventually they piss off and its a really nice day 
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Whats the difference between light and hard? 
You can sleep with a light on. 
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I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance. 
So I pushed her over. 
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I had a dog named minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks. 
Bad minton. 
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'. The reply from his friend...... 'You're so lucky... Mine's still alive...'
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. 
The librarian says; 'Piss off, you won't bring it back.'